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My House Becoming Transit Centre

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Apr 24, 2017.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    I already mentioned, having a guy for 5 min isn't a problem. She has 2 school going kids, has her mom at home. I don't think a guy giving a parcel for 2 min is a big deal for a person who travels half the world for prof meetings.
    I should set limits and not go over board.
     
  2. Sofiaj

    Sofiaj Senior IL'ite

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    Yes it's true. I felt the same. Be firm on your limits and do what makes you happy. That's what matters the most.
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  3. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    If you can, ask her calmly why she did that? There may be other reasons, maybe she was in a hurry to leave somewhere, and thought it was easy to come and get it from your brother..
    But if she says she wasnt comfortable, then your husband shouldn't be comfortable taking a female friend in his car.
     
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  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    :laughing::fearscream: yes correct
     
  5. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    I have a slightly perspective... with her leaving 2 children and coming abroad, she was probably just busy and did not know when she would be at home, instead figured out a more convenient way for herself and your brother to meet midway and get a parcel. I frankly don't understand why you put a magnifying glass to everything and think people are scheming against you for some reason! I have plenty of India trips where my friends' parents would want to drop something off, and I would just prefer to go and collect it from somewhere rather than they come to the house because I just wouldn't know my own schedule. I wouldn't want to be bothered by having to wait for them to come home and spend the time entertaining them etc. And not to mention, sometimes my house in India will just not be suitable enough to receive visitors because of the chaos and mess.

    As for entertaining your friend, do what is convenient to you. So if she had actually given your brother her address, you would have called her home. And if she had given him coffee or snacks, then you would have asked your husband to drop her at the airport.... is that really how you want to measure how you want to entertain people? It frankly seems very petty to me.

    I remember when I was newly married and we were all in my husband's house opening our wedding gifts. Some random relative of my husband's made a comment on some gift that someone had given that it was very inexpensive considering that 6 people from their house came to attend the wedding and how my MIL had given something more expensive for their daughter's wedding. I was so appalled and this reminds me of that.

    If you feel you are being inconvenienced by your friends' arrival at your house, see about how you can address that instead of always being in this 'woe is me' state. I'd rather that my friends not help me than help me and then go around complaining that it was too much of a hassle.
     
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  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    She didn't get the parcel in midway.just outside 500 mtr.
    She had ample time to text call for 1 hr.
    Your getting wrong, im doing an extent to make DH leave. Have to drive up n down 50 miles, but how people behave.no basic courtesy, but sending me to-do list, asking me to buy this that., ,., Is that
     
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Maybe the friend has a husband who doesn't get it - guy coming home even if it is your professional younger brother. She's coming abroad probably because the guy wants that money and the things she can get. I've seen many men like that. Give her the benefit of doubt with the brother going to drop off package incident. You don't know what happens in other people's marriages.

    Regarding sight seeing and shopping, do what you can. Don't go overboard. She can even use uber and lyft to visit places and shop. You don't have to go everywhere with her. Don't use your credit card for anyone. Everyone I know use their Indian credit cards abroad. State bank debit cards can be used in any ATM for cash withdrawal too. I'm sure all other banks have the same facility. Ask her to call her bank a day or two before travel to approve international transactions. It's very easy to do. You have an international transaction fees but it's a part of the service and it is a nominal amount of money.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    That's what I was thinking. Ask her. If she considers OP close enough to come and stay at her house, then, they are close enough to share the reason. OP (and her brother) deserve a reason. It can be a made up one, but, still, one needs to be given. Now that the package has been delivered already, maybe ask her during the sightseeing.
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    It is not about putting a magnifying glass. It is about the basic courtesy of giving a reason for the odd arrangement. You cannot insist on picking up a package a short distance from your home but not give a reason (real or made up). It can be anything -- apartment complex security, children are sleeping, I am anyway going out, house is messy, xyz is sleeping... whatever. I arrange this kind of pick up at a distance from home only with craigslist people! Your example of picking up from their house is not same as taking the package a short distance from home.

    It is not petty. Friendships are give and take. No one is maintaining an account, but overall there has to be some balance. Hosting someone for two days is a big task. A reason being provided for the odd pickup arrangement would have been nice.

    Ha ha I remember many such after-the-wedding gift opening sessions. Mostly cash in envelopes. Weddings in India are expensive affairs. It is standard to give a gift that reflects how many people are invited from that house. The gift amount also keeps in mind what was received in the past. It is the practice in my family to even note down who gave how much. Not to be petty, but to manage the money. And, that list happens to stay on for a while.

    'woe is me' was uncalled for, I think. OP is just not able to say no and draw the line. A vent about that.

    You would not be a hassle for anyone to host. : ) You would be hard to say good bye to after a visit. : )
     
  10. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Start by giving people the benefit of doubt. Not just for this situation... I am speaking generally. It really will do a lot of good for your peace of mind. And frankly, even if your friend had just asked your brother to come to her house and just taken the package from outside her door and sent him his way, I would have said the same thing. You don't know her situation. And honestly, if the only purpose of her meeting your brother was to collect the package meant for you and that was achieved, I really don't get why she should spend any more time entertaining him! Especially if occasions like this are the only times whey are likely to interact, why should anyone spend any more time just for the sake of being "nice"? I am sure for her, the purpose was achieved... she needed to collect the packet and she did and she got done with it. But you, your mother and brother probably spent about 30 mins of an India call discussing this and then your ruminating it after.... really.... do you think it is worth it?

    And I completely relate to your friend. If I don't have the time, I'd rather just meet someone somewhere and collect something. My house in India - with my suitcases, my kids and my dad watching cricket... all this in the limited space, will just not be conducive enough to receive visitors. If the only purpose of meeting someone was to collect the package, that is the only thing I would focus on, with my limited time and capacity for interaction.

    Also giving you the to-do list.... did she just send you an email and say do x, do y, do z or did she say "Hey, would you mind....?" If it is the latter, I don't see why you can't answer "hey, idhu konjam fight maa. Instead, I can do a...b...c...". If it the former, just say no. Simple as that.
     

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