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My House Becoming Transit Centre

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Apr 24, 2017.

  1. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    What's your husband s take on this???
     
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Some people are like that, and they will shamelessly use others. However, it is important to act smart and protect our loved ones from such people. It seems your H lacks smartness; thus he and his family is exposed to such a bad situation.
    At least you must act smart, and train your H to behave the same in the future.
    Don't dwell in the past, it is all gone.. but take some lessons from it for your future.

    The next time, if anyone calls your H for an airport (pick up-drop) assistance, ask your H to say NO. He shouldn't have to be rude. He can give excuses like "oh.. I am out of city, I am at work, I am going out with family"
    Train him how to say this.

    In any unavoidable case, if anyone comes to your house... then be the good host. But that doesn't mean exposing yourself/family to any exploitation.
    Don't give your bedroom for anyone (single or family... your bedroom is yours)
    Don't give your kid's room either
    Allow them to sleep comfortably in the couch or wherever possible.
    Don't cook home made fresh meals all the time. Manage with simple cereals, bread & butter or refrigerated old meal.
    Occupy yourself with other stuff like temple visit, meeting friends, School meeting or whatever.. so that the visitor has to leave your house when you go out.

    After a few stays with discomfort, this friend neither turns towards your house nor recommends others.
     
  3. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Yikes! I'm sorry, I didn't know the history. *hugs*

    Your problem is with your DH. He values his friendship more than he values his marriage and self-respect.

    Till your DH wises up, speak up for yourself. Learn from his friend's wife — she doesn't care what you think of her. Don't be a doormat any more.

    Have you talked to your MIL about this? What does she say? She may have had similar experiences with them during your DH's youth.
    .
     
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  4. Prishaa

    Prishaa Senior IL'ite

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    hey I know its so irritating when you know someone is using you.. Guys usually don't say anything to der frnds and end up spending.. Instead you don't tell him anything and when des ppl come to your place act as if you are not well.. Prepare anythin basic meals and nothin extra.. The more you make dem comfortabl d more they ll use u'll.. Also you could jus hint dem that u guys are plannin to shift somehere els.. Or if possibl do so..
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I can't believe anyone can ask like this for some particular food to be prepared! Even my own family - kid, DH, parent, in-law, would not ask for it when I am recovering from a 25 hr flight.

    OP, dear, I thought the list ended at aloo paratha, pickle, raita, pongal and rice, curry, rasam/sambhar with fryums.. now you are adding mushroom biryani to what you cooked!
     
  6. skyinsc

    skyinsc Silver IL'ite

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    on a lighter note I had mushrooms in my fridge that might go bad in couple of days so was wondering how to utilize them..now i know what to do with them Mushroom Biryani !! i looked for recipe online and it tastes sooo yummy :) sorry op didnt mean to digress your thread at all.just my rambling :cheer:
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2017
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  7. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    You at not the only one ! Even I thought of looking for mushroom biryani recipes !
    OP sorry again ! Start cooking bad food , fall sick. And talk to you hubby in a calm tone how unreasonable his visits are !
     
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  8. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    I think you should be more strong in voicing your opposition. This and your other thread, both show how people are using you, and how much this affects you. Start by learning to say no.. start with your husband first, ask him to say no for the next visit by his friend, or tell him you will be visitibg a friend of yours when he comes and he will have to take care of the food orders himself..
     
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  9. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    Learn to say no and teach your husband too. Follow all the wise advices given here.

    BTW, making one pot "mushroom biryani" is easy for me than making separate curries and gravy. I dunk everything mushrooms, masala paste, rice, water everything together in a pot and cook and call it "biryani" :grin:
     
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  10. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Here your DH should make a decision to limit their arrival. There is nothing wrong in staying in friends house when they arrive US as it happens usually for many. The friends also cook and serve which is usual. But certain that things ur DH should do to have a limitation on this. Pls don't count what u r doing to them as this will agitate ur mind too much creating an aversion towards them which inturn spoils ur relationship with ur DH. For example, if they inform that "tomorrow we are landing come and pick me up" means he can say "Pls inform us beforehand so that we will not have other plans". One time u can pick them up. Other time u say u r out of state, so can't make it. This is how u have to handle otherwise it is very difficult to avoid such ppl who take advantage. Also u can plan for a stay to ur DHs childhood friends house and see how they serve u ppl. Then only ur husband will understand and limit them.Pls be clear not to give ur private bedroom to them. U can clearly say this to them means "sorry this is our room". Don't make a habit to provide.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2017

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