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My Girls Daddy Phase Not Over

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by sanjuruby3, Apr 26, 2016.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    I might have came up with this before also but I am very much stressed because of this.
    My daughter at 22 months, she won't let go of her daddy. She kicks me, asks me not to come near, wants him to carry her, sleep her all the time. I am not at all jealous but hate it many times when its not possible for him to be available.

    He gets frustrated or tired and starts shouting. He would just put her on bed and let her keep crying and she would cry more to persuade him to carry her, Ultimately she wins. She wakes up at night and wants him.
    We were in India recently and he had joined us later. She did not leave his side for 2 days in insecurity that he might leave her again. then during whole stay, she wanted him, if he is away out, she would keep crying, missing him, calling 'daddy' . She won' t even let him to go bathroom.

    I honestly do not care, only it disturbs whole balance of chores, creates fights b/w us. He thinks i am relieved and lucky, i do not have to carry her etc. I hate his attitude but I can not change him.
    Please suggest.
     
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  2. beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

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    Once my husband was telling me that there is a phase in toddlers when they are very much attached to the opposite gender. Hoping it'll soon pass for you both. You can try helping your husband with some of his chores so that he feels that you are actually concerned about him.
     
  3. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    It is actually me who needs help for household chores when she is sticking to him all the time so he gets excuse. Other than this, if he sleeping her or attending her, I help him to distract her or tend her as he needs to go to bathroom, outside or needs me to set bed for kid etc.
     
  4. viki123

    viki123 Silver IL'ite

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    @sanjuruby3,
    I can understand how it is, Have you tried doing her favorite activity only with you.
    For my DS my DH does the outside play, cycling, bath time, hide & seek etc. I do his meals, sleep and reading etc. This has helped us a lot in in sharing his activities and house chores.
     
  5. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    @viki123, when we go out, few places like playarea, she will want to come to me because she knows its more fun with mommy there. Mommy takes her to kids, slides, swings or wants her to talk to kids. Daddy on the other hand sits/relaxes/yawns and wants LO to play by her own. All other times, she wants daddy and just daddy. There have been times she kicked me to go away.
    Its me who does all the chores for her, cooking, packing. I teach her rhymes, moves/steps, words, explaining things when she is curious. Even when upon forcing ( a lot), daddy takes her out ( once in month on a sunny day), he himself sits on grass, and lets her play by her own.
     
  6. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    In my view, if child wants dad to be with her, dad should be doing that. As she is 22 months, she can understand your language now, even though she can't talk much. Sit at her level, let her look into ur eyes, and say I am going to bathroom, I will be back by the time you complete listening this rhyme,or read/lookinto this book etc, Usually kids attach like this to moms but here it is dad, so he needs more patience. Shouting make them feel bad, as much as possible explain to her in words.
    she is afraid dad may not seen again. explain that also we are not going to grandma place now, dad will be here etc. No airplane, etc.

    coming to hitting u, she made it a habit it seems, Hold her hands look into her eyes, before she hits, and say no, we don't hit and u leave the place if she doesn't want u. U do dancing etc by urself, she may come and join u. make her to come and join u to activities.

    Is she Ok with other kids, while playing, not hitting other kids, and being friendly etc
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2016
  7. Me1

    Me1 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Even I am facing same issue with my 28 months old DS. He needs his daddy all the time.
    DH gets irritated at times, shouts on me instead of him. We sometimes feel friction due to DS. DS wants to even sleep in daddy's lap.

    I dont know how to tackle this. Problem doubles when MIL gets involved stating we are not handling DS properly. DH should scold DS and I should handle DS.

    This all started when DH returned from a trip and I was expecting my 2nd one.

    DS also turned v violent, hits us and other kids too.
    Any help/suggestion to overcome this will be appreciated.

    Thanks.
     
  8. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Me1 - Do you have 2nd one born?
    Congratulations first :) I think in your case, it is alright each parent taking care of 1 kid. i have seen that in most parents with 2 kids. With newer one, elder one feels in-secured and dad is the one usually seen taking care, as younger one needs mom more than anyone. In my case, dad does not even give full care to her like me and most times he loses his calm and starts shouting at me or her. Will leave her on ground screaming etc as its get difficut carrying her for long.

    Bad is that she hits me, tells me to "GO" and says "she wants to go to daddy". That too when dad is ignoring her, i am taking care of her. She sleeps with him, wants him. Many times feeding milk from bottle, she takes from him mostly. There were times ( at yr) she was taking milk only from me. So either her nanny or daddy. I am maid here.

    H makes things worse, by putting on TV/cartoons if she demands or bothers him or he is not in mood. We go in car, and she just asks, cartoons on or she demands windows on, no car set or anything cartoons on immediately, he does not have patience to hear her crying or deal with her or explain to her and she thinks she is best as he gives her what she wants.
    I see that she is becoming spoilt.

    Same case, we have friction to the bigger and permanent level because of this and we have no common grounds.
     
  9. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    Wow, I have no idea what one can do here.
    Will follow post.
     
  10. viki123

    viki123 Silver IL'ite

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    @Me1
    This is the reason why he became daddy's boy. He missed him during that trip and wants to be with him and fear of him leaving again is the reason for his behavior.
    We have been through the same thing when my DH went to India last year or when ever he doesn't see him for more than a day or 2 (even now). Instead of shouting and getting irritated with DS tell ur DH that he missed you he need his hugs and care. My DH used to take him to strolled rides, giving him bath, have dinner together or just before bed time they both lay on bed and play. After few days DS will be normal again.

    My DS did same thing with my dad in india went out of station for 2 days during our stay in India. My dad played with him for an hour and had dinner with him and he was back to normal. This is their way of showing love, we just need to reciprocate it to show them we missed him too.
    Hope this helps you.
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.

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