I Fought Cancer and lived to tell the tale This is not a sob story, but a fact of life , told kamalji style.So read on, the true story of my tryst with cancer, how I dealt with it, and about the doctors, and their reaction to this specimen called kamalji. As you all know, I was to go to Indonesia, all tickets booked, and visa for Singapore received, along with harsha for the birth of my grandson scheduled to arrive end march . All purchases for the little one made, we were very happy to go, we were to become grandparents for the first time, so you can understand the joy we must have gone through. A week before departure, around the 15th of march, during routine tests, I was diagnoised with cancer, of the bladder, caused due to smoking. Well, I asked wife a few days time, to give it up, for I had to bid a respectable farwell to my friend the ciggie of so many years. So I smoked to my lungs content, and by the 18th march night, I gave it up forever, never to look back at it again. The biggest problem for me was how was I to tell my daughter we were not coming there for the delivery, for in shock she might have a miscarriage, and my mom is 80 plus, how do I tell her, I am her favourite son among the brood of 4. That was more troublesome for me than my disease. But luckily things fell in place , the grandson was born, a week before the operation, and two days later I told the truth to my daughter, who cried and cried, and same tile told my mother too, luckily she took it well, just concerned about the stage it was in. We went to Mumbai for consultations with various docs, and we decided then on which doctor we liked from the many we saw. We were 5 months in Mumbai, staying with mom and my brother. The cancer was removed by operation, the urinary bladder removed , and a new one made from a part of my intestine,a hole made in my stomach called stoma, and now I have a bag permenantly hanging on my stomach, wherein the urine gets collected, and I flush it out every hour, no problems on that at all. In the night , I attach the bag with a bigger bag so I don’t have to go to the loo, and it all gets collected in the big bag which I clean in the morning. After the operation, I was to undergo chemotherapy, which I got done at Tata’s, Mumbai. That took 3 months to complete, so a total of 5 months we were there in Mumbai.Every one was very nice to us, my mom, family, friends, cousins , neighbours etc. During chemo, I had to only eat home made food , fresh. The drugs of chemo altered my tastebuds so much, that I started to hate nonveg, and just ask for veggies like Dal, bhini, potatoes etc. And I was prohibited from eating chocolates, mithai’s , namkeens, no going to restaurants to eat, and sicne my body resistance was low, so no going to AC places like cinema halls, club, plays etc. It was like house arrest, and I was longing to eat spicy food. So all the time I used to ask the chemo doc, “ Doc, have you and harsha ganged up together, and put something in the drugs, that I have turned a saint, asking for dirty things like veg food, and if so, soon u will find me wearing orange robes and sitting under the tree, with a bowl in hand !!! Doc when can I eat the lowly samosa on the street like everyone else, when can I eat anything that I want etc. The doc and the surgeon who operated on me, both told Harsha “ We have not met character like Mr.Mahtani. Every cancer patient who comes here, is so glum, and we see hundreds of them everyday. All ask the same thing, Doc how long will I live. Your husband does not ask about living, but he asks always when is he allowed to drink whiskey and eat nonveg. And he tells us a joke or two as he comes in, and lightens our mood. The next time I met the docs, I told them “ Doc, I am 59 now, and I have had a healthy fulfilling life till now. Why would I want to ask you how long will I live ? Can you anyway tell me how long will I live ? No you cant, for even you don’t know. Suppose you give me the option, of living till 100 years, like Morarji Desai ( actually morarji was born on 29th of Feb) and his birthday came once in 4 years, so he was actually 25 years old, for he could celebrate just 25 birthdays eh ) he used to live on urine ( his own of course), and eat sparsely. Doc u want me to live like that eh ! No doc, I want to live and die like Raj Kapoor, who died at 67, eating and drinking, and having a gala time with the babes eh ! My dad barring the babes part, lived till 67, eating and drinking, so I would rather ask for a short and a good life, than a long and boring one !!!!!! So Doc just tell me when the hell I can start eating and drinking, and feeling like a normal human being again. And they are still looking for another character like me, I am sure they wont find one so soon. HAHA And now the whole world is after me, kamal don’t eat cheese, don’t drink whiskey(already started, I did not touch whiskey for 5 months even though it was allowed. For I was not in the mood), don’t eat chocolates, and everyone has some or the other advise for me.Many adivse me don’t eat nonveg !!!! Now when I came back to jaipur, after 5 months, we met both the doctors, and aksed them about what I can eat, and drink, and what to avoid.Both told me , eat or drink what suits you, meaning since my intestine was altered, I am now used to get constipation every few weeks, so they now ask me to see what suits my system now. But none of them told me, in front of harsha, to not eat nonveg, or not to drink whiskey. But a wife is a wife, and coming back here, we had our tiffs, she wanted me to stay slim, yes I lost 15 kgs weight, because I did not eat anything wrong during that period. In fact I was calculating what was it that I did not eat, that caused this weight loss, so in the 5 months in Mumbai this is what I avoided Whiskey – Normally I drink 6 bottles of 750 ml a month, so in 5 months , I did not drink 30 bottles Papads – 4 a day, none duri9ng this period, so 120 a month x 5 months = 600 missed out ( chori chupke say 50 papads I ate, still 550 papads I did not eat) Mithai, namkeen, samosas, chocolates, nothng w ent down the throat, and that was the reason I was slime and trim Now the question arises, from my wife’s side, if u could control yrself for 5 months, why not leave it forever ? Not a fair question, for I was just bidding for my time to come, I knew it would come, why should I leave it when it does not concern my cancer coming back, what caused cancer to me, that is ciggies, I left it and now it is almost 7 months , I havnt touched them, and remember I was a chain smoker, and wont touch it again, but other things are fine with me, so what if I add weight again eh !i don’t have to flirt with pretty babes eh ! So dear friends, I am back to being the Devil I was, and everyone is surprised to see me alive and kicking.The expect me to have a stick(lathi) in hand, stooped figure, and ageing a decade, and eating sparsely, and talking about God and holy things all the time, eating veg food, and chanting hyms, and here they are surprised to see me, as usual, joking in the park, with new branded shoes and T shirts, and walking with a spring , and many have asked me, it does not look like u have had cancer, and I smile and tell them, thank u for the compliment, lekin nazar mat laga yaar. From now on, I have to go once every 3 months to Mumbai for some tests and check up, the tests will be done in jaipur, checkup in Mumbai will take some 15 mins by the surgeon, thatis all. There is no medicine prescribed, just some vitamins to boost my immune system, and no restrictions on food or drinks. And really friends, God has been kind to me, if he gave me the disease, he gave me the money to treat it in comfort, he gave me loving friends family and relatives, and many would blame the lord, I thank him for everything, for I believe he does what is best for us, and he has given me a healthy 59 years to live before this, and I see people sick in their thirties. And I have no sorrow even if I were to conk off tomorrow, life is not in my hands, but what is in my hands is how I live the rest of my days/months/years/decades, and let me assure u, that u wont find me depressed. For there is nothing to be depressed about in life, life is fun, life is beautiful, look around u, look at others below u, and u will realize how lucky u are, how blessed u are. This is my longest blog I think ever, but I wanted to tell u all the truth of what happened ot me, my erratic behavior when I was not regular at the site, I am not looking for sympathy, or donations or money, I was just looking to tell u in matter of fact way, what happened , and how it was solved.Some of my close friends here know it, some don’t, I did not want to alarm my friends, and wanted to see if I lived to tell the tale, I did, its been 6 months to the operation, so I guess it is fine to write about it now. So smile please, if this is too long and boring, please skip it, I wont hold it against u. KAMAL MAHTANI Rahul Gandhi to Sonia Gandhi First CW – G Then 2 –G Then Coal –G And now Jija-G (meaning sister’s husband that is Robert Vadhra) An Englishman and Kamalji were inside a public toilet. The Englishman politely asked Kamalji – How do u do ? Kamalji – We open the zip and do !!!!!!! Touching words by a father to his son If u think yr dad mom teacher , boss are strict and harsh to u, Then Wait for a Wife. You will start loving them. Difference between **** and O **** A boy threw a rose at a girl. But it fell on her brother. That is ****. And her brother was a Gay OOHHHH **** !!!!! Girl to boy – Yesterday I came to yr house u were not there, I left the Rakhi at yr house, did u wear it. Boy – No, tomm if I come to yr house and leave a mangalsutra at yr home, will u wear it !!!!!! A Woman has sued a local hospital saying that after treatment her husband has lost interest in Sex. The hospital spokesman replied – We did nothing wrong, we just corrected his eyesight !!!