As a kid, I was fascinated with the heroic tales of mythological warriors who fought against the dark forces. Good against the evil , light after darkness and serenity emerging from chaos being the motif of every epic , I gazed with wonder at the colorful comic strips of Amar Chitra Katha depicting 'Ramayana' and 'Tales of Lord Krishna'. I can't recollect my first encounter with God and how I was introduced to the concept of divinity.The earliest recollections I have are the venerations and idolatry performed during festivals where my mom would tell me that I had to be in the good books of God.What started off as an act of salutation to receive chocolaty perks continued emphatically with every passing exam and achievement during my formative years.I feared something would go wrong if I angered him. I was scared and frightened lest I fall out of his good books.I was fraught with fear during visits to temple lest I arouse the wrath of God owing to my ignorant disposition.Was my obeisance good enough , was my recital of slokha loud enough , was my devotion binding enough to appease him. I FEARED GOD ! During my adolescent years , I had to battle the ambivalence in me to accept both Darwin and Divinity.This embittered battle through the teenage years left me in a state where I had to take sides, science Vs religion.At school it was science and at home religion.It was quite easy to quickly fit into a this model by drawing boundaries. I UNDERSTAND THE PERIPHERY OF GOD ! I started to slowly let go off the fear that gripped me that God would harm me.I started to believe that God is forgiving and would never harm his kith.I started to ween away from the conventional practice of offering prayers.The visits to temples became less frequent from my side though my mom was very religious and used to follow diligently what the scriptures stipulated.I started to believe that someone so omnipotent and omnipresent needs neither loud prayers nor grand rituals to inform of one's presence. I AM GETTING TO KNOW THE TRUE GOD ! I had been a voracious reader during my teens of sci-fiction genre and the more I read Isaac Asimov's work the less convinced I was that God existed.I had a new perspective of space & matter now which refuted what our scriptures and ancient runes declared as the abode of God.How can God exist in vacuum in space ? If he did exist, why doesn't the Hubble Telescope detect him ? I DO NOT THINK GOD EXISTS IN THE SHAPE AND FORM I HAD BEEN TOLD ! Early twenties with the advent of internet in towns of India, opened up new gateways of knowledge where any kind of information and opinion is just a click away.Perusing through loads of web pages , my quest to find the truth became more elusive.I came across bizzare and delusional theories on the existence of God right from Gods are Aliens in space capsules to Time-travelling earthlings in time capsules.Reading tales of persecution in the name of religion , I doubted if God was a figment of imagination from a political activist.With little proof that god has ever existed , the more sceptical I became. I FALL SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN AGNOSTIC AND ATHEIST ! Now in my late twenties, I turn around and inspect the voyage I have taken to unravel the mystery of god.I had neither been able to prove his existence nor deny his presence.I no longer wonder if he exists as I have realized that it is fruitless to search for something or someone when you do not know what it means to you.This quest has taken a new turn of late and instead of pondering if God exists I started listing what God means to me... It means assurance that there is someone holding my hand always and I am not alone. It means the force behind the miraculous life which starts off as a single cell and grows into a sentient being It means all things small and beautiful are endowed with the power to impact one another in this ecosystem. It means the heavenly order of day followed by night unimpacted ageless through hour-glass of time. It means the mighty tutor imparting innocence in infants and intellect in adults. Yes, it can be the forces of nature that sustain life on earth ;Fire, water, earth and air or the more abstract knowledge, intellect , conscience we are endowed with.I understand the omnipotence and omnipresence now as God is no longer contained in a form or visible in a color.God means different things to different people across various cultures and traditions and today for me it no longer means idol worship , endless chanting of mystic slokas or fasts.To me it only means acknowledging life in all its glory as GOD. I BELIEVE IN GOD !