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My doodles!

Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by Shal, Apr 19, 2006.

  1. Shal

    Shal Senior IL'ite

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    As a young lass, I'd love to just doodle around and I did manage to scribble a couple to three poems(if I may call them so!). Believe me on this, the first ever poem I wrote was when I was in grade 4, and guess what was the title/topic of the poem...it was 'I hate studies'!!! It became a runaway success in class and needless to say, I became a laughing stock of the year!!! :p

    Unfortunately, I lost that one but do have a pinky diary that has the others scribbled in! Here's the first one I penned (when I was 14 yrs old)


    Childhood Reminiscences


    Oh! How I crave for those days of yore,
    that treasure of gratifying memories galore,
    those golden memories which I can never erase,
    oh! How I long for those innocent days…..


    As an infant I entered this world,
    a buxom baby with attractive curls,
    how tenderly I was nurtured in my mother’s arm,
    her lullabies all my cries would calm.


    A toddler they called me after a year or two,
    with my child-like innocence my prattle grew,
    immune to oppression, sins and solitude,
    free of pensive moments over which now I brood.


    There was a time when I grew up to be six
    no math or physics to be perplexed with,
    the tantrums I threw to drink a glass of milk,
    the toothpaste I relished, though it tasted like ink..!


    An adolescent now, I feel life is a test,
    a riddle which to solve I should do my best,
    It’s a phase when I sink into depths of despair..
    a time when I yearn for tenderness and care……………..


    Please share your comments or criticisms friends, would like to know your perspectives too:)

    Love
    Shalini
     
  2. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Smile please:)

    Hey Shal, I read with pleasure one of your doodles
    It's lovely and I shower my praises in oodles!!!

    Shall wait for more Shal!

    L,Kamla
     
  3. Shal

    Shal Senior IL'ite

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    :)

    Dear Kamla,

    Those were some encouraging words:)
    I guess I was frustrated/confused/perplexed in those adoloscent days!

    I sure will post more!

    Love
    S
     
  4. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    keep it up shal

    dear shal,
    the poem is nice...very apt and expressive....good luck for more...regards..sunkan
     
  5. ridhi23

    ridhi23 New IL'ite

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    Hmmm..

    I didnt know we had a Poet amongst us!! Its a lovely poem and for the age of 14 it's simply awesome! I love the last paragraph where it says "An adolescent now, I feel life is a test,a riddle which to solve I should do my best". Now as i look back, its seems so funny...when we were teenagers we had no worries and our parents were there to protect us..to sheild us from this world...but still we would act/feel like adults and make out lives confusing. I still remember the time when I was 14 and this guy came in our class. Now I wont even give him a second look but at that time he was like GOD to me!! I mean when ever I saw him I use to be in complete awe! I could not even eat my lunch in from of him as i was shy in front of him!! I dont know why! And I had all those adult like emotions of despair, agony, pain and confusion..all at the same time! I guess thats what they call adoloscence and shalini, you have beautifully captured those phases of life.
    Can't wait to read more poems by you!
    Love
    Ridhima
     
  6. shakila

    shakila Junior IL'ite

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    Wonderful!

    Shal

    Your poem is wonderful. Simple, easy to read and very undertandable. I like that style a lot.

    I have a question though. When you start a poem with endings that rhyme like

    ...yore
    ...galore

    Shouldn't the whole poem follow that pattern? This is not a criticism by any means, but just trying to understand the structure of a poem.

    Great piece shal!

    Shakila
     
  7. Shal

    Shal Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks a bunch!!

    Dear friends,

    It certainly feels good to share things you once experienced and/or penned bcz for all I know, many of you must have felt similarly during that phase!!

    Sunkan: Thanks a lot! I like the way you encourage everyone no matter what topic they talk about, it shows the keen interest you take in participating in good discussions:)

    Ridhi: That's a funny story! No points for guessing that I have been through very similar feelings during that phase:) I guess most girls would agree with me too! Your expression of feeling 'emotions of despair, agony, pain and confusion' is well-written, and so is the way you've presented your view on the poem!

    Shakila: Thanks for liking the poem! To tell you a truth, I don't prefer(not that I totally dislike) rhymed verse, bcz I somehow feel that they do not convey the real feelings of the poet, bcz his/her attention has largely been on getting rhyming words. I am almost sure that I must have started(guessing again!) the poem and gotten a little involved in making it flowery, but eventually I gave up being something I wasn't in reality, and just penned watever I felt was happening to me at that point! But you sure made a good point and you know why I say this? Bcz by the time I was around 20 and wrote another poem, I was caught in the world of sparkle and my poem truly looks like it doesnt carry emotional value! You'll know when I post it very shortly:)

    Thank you again friends,
    Shalini
    p.s. Shakila, you would notice that there are words towards the end of the poem where they rhyme, but they sure were not intended to rhyme, just happened to be so!
     
  8. anujazen

    anujazen New IL'ite

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    nice poem. very impressive. Would like to see more such poems.
     
  9. Shal

    Shal Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks Anuja!

    Thanks for liking the poem. Hope you like the second one too:)

    Love
    Shal
     
  10. Shal

    Shal Senior IL'ite

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    Evolution- I see myself born, grown, dead and reborn…… [in a day]

    I dashed this one off when I was 20 yrs old, an age where most girls(sometimes boys too!) try to find meaning in life as though it were gonna be all clear to her/him!!! So, here goes the doodle!




    I step in like the break of the day,
    Hazy is the look in my eyes,

    I turn around to see the glee in others’ face
    The regal sunbeam adds a rapturous gene

    The palindrome (noon) exasperates
    And swinish I become in lure and lust

    The serene twilight nestles me, and
    I relinquish the insipid fallacies

    The lenient dusk calls upon me,
    Leaving my legacies, I advance for the
    rendezvous with Him.

    Now the silhouette shows the arrival of
    the seraph dawn &
    I see the my revival and rejuvenation in
    tiny tots’ eyes……

    Tell me what you think of this one....

    Love
    Shal
     

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