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My DH dosent communicate

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Kelly, Sep 24, 2009.

  1. Kelly

    Kelly New IL'ite

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    Dear all

    I hope you are all well :):)

    I have a small problem I hopw you can give advice, my DH dosent communicate much with me. Before marriage we had long distance relationship so we were emailing sweet emails & letter.

    Now after marriage we are living together, but he is very quiet, all he dose is go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, then go to sleep. He is working 2 jobs, sometimes we dont have much time to share with each other. I know he is working hard, but I feel it is not fair on me. I know he is quite by nature, but I am wife we shoudl be able to talk on any topic.

    My life as a wife seems soo boring and every day is the same.

    I know that when we were staying with my inlaws, only the MIL will do all talking, and FIL will sit and just watch TV. My FIL is a very quiet man, he is retired man, MIL if working in office.

    My own family is very talkative by nature, so we talk on any topic, but when I was living my my FIL & MIL, they dont talk much, if we are watching TV, it is still silience.

    I feel so depressed. Is this normal? any advice, I dont want divorce. I want to make this work. But I feel that I need more thatn just love, I woudl like him to talk more with me.
     
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  2. ramyav_cse

    ramyav_cse Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Kelly,

    Some people are made that way.It is probably because everybody in their family are pretty quiet. I faced the same issue when I was newly married. They used to sit accross the dining table and eat quietly without talking at all whereas my family was just the opposite. My husband is also basically very quiet but I shouldl say he has changed a lot in this 1.5 yrs of married life. Give you hubby sometime and make sure u keep discussing all thats possible with him and definitely you'll find the difference.

    Cheers
    Ramya
     
  3. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    I totally agree with ramya ,
    you said
    "Before marriage we had long distance relationship so we were emailing sweet emails & letter"
    so i guess your DH is quiet by nature
    you said
    "My life as a wife seems soo boring and every day is the same."
    please try keeping yourself busy too may be by working or developing hobbies that you had etc

    " I dont want divorce. I want to make this work"
    please dont even think about divorcee.Good that you want to make things work.i am sure you tried everything but please start talking about things ur DH is intrested like games,news his fav actors etc
    the reason why i am saying this is i was like ur DH i hardly used to talk but not anymore .so its juz nature.
     
  4. Kelly

    Kelly New IL'ite

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    :)

    Thank you all for your quick response, this really makes sense, I will try all your advice.

    I guess another thing is that he dosent have his family here in NZ, so we are living with my brother until we can afford to get our own place.
     
  5. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    My guess is your husband is really really tired.

    Since you had a great correspondence, why don't you try writing him notes? Hide them in his tiffin or pants pocket to find during the day.....maybe get communication going that way. Send him little love note to make him happy, tell him a problem in a balanced and sensitive way, etc etc Only a thought...... Hopefully he will leave you a few notes back....
     
  6. jhalli27

    jhalli27 Bronze IL'ite

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    Kelly,
    There is nothing wrong/any problem here. ur hubby is just plain less talkative by nature. there is nothing to get worried or bothered abt it and definitely not divorce for such a small issues. as u urself say he was like tht even before wedding, then y are u surprised? my hubby is the same. compared to my family, he talks almost nothing. i too used to be angry n v fought a lot initially. but slowly i realozed its fine. he is happier that way than being forced to talk any crap. so dont force him to talk to u. 'silence' speaks a lot as well. and there is a saying - "when u share silence with someone, ur relationship is true". so just relax. there is nothing to worry abt. just chill and be relaxed. try to talk/send notes/be naughty with him. im sure he will respond.. :)

    good luck!
     
  7. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    there are many men like that... but you know women can make the difference!

    Many men are the hearing / listening types.. See if your DH is that type.. if so, you can easily change him by just spreading the talking fever to him... You be yourself and talk to him about anything.. all that you want to. dont expect him to talk as much as you do.. talk about anything under the sky..any time you want to.. He is not used to talking much all his life so it will take a few months for him to communicate with you as much as you want him to.. just keep talking to him, share with him everything like a friend, like a life partner.. he will soon get used to your talking and will long for it when you are away or quite for some reason. Trust me, soon he will get comfortable in coming out with some topic to talk.. he will start talking to you.. it is just that he needs to get into the talking practise..

    My DH 'was' not the talking types when I met him many years back.. he 'is' still not the talking types to his family.. but I can talk forever.. now he is competing with me! even if I am quite, he can just go on and on.

    Good Luck dear.
     
  8. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Even my DH was the same in the initial years of marriage. Even in my family we all are talkative. In inlaws house, they are closely bonded but do not communicate as much as we do. I used to go crazy. But now after 8 years, either I got used to it or he talks more, I am not sure, but I dont feel anything is missing. Give some time and I think u will adjust to each other.:)
     

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