my daughter is cheerful bubbly girl 9yrs old...She is getting troubles in the school

teacher · Jun 8, 2013

Re: my daughter is cheerful bubbly girl 9yrs old...She is getting troubles in the sch

I second Nitha. Keep the school (teacher) issues separate from the kids/moms issues. If the kids are picking on eh at school then do mention it. Teachers are supposed to monitor and help them grow thru the 'cliquish' behaviors.

Find at least one other event outside of school...a team sport is a great one for socialization. If she is not that interested in sports try something's different like ballet...there will be lots of little girls, its agreat activity to feel special and you have all the benefits of a physical activity. Sometimes a different kind of activity gives a certain caché.

Rihana · Jun 9, 2013

Re: my daughter is cheerful bubbly girl 9yrs old...She is getting troubles in the sch

Don't mix up your friendship issues with your child's. From your post, looks like DD cried and said that girl is bossy and so DD wants no more playdates. You stopped the playdates. Is she still unhappy? You mentioned "I don't know how they play". Does your DD express any sadness about friends? Does she says teacher does not encourage her? It is summer vacation. New school year often solves many problems with new classmates and new teacher.

The rest of the post is about your friendship issues. I get the impression that the only problem your DD was facing was the bossy playmate, and that is now gone. Getting rid of the playmate ended in the playmate's mom badmouthing you.

Like another poster said, let the badmouthing friend do what she is doing. People will soon realize that if she id badmouthing you, she could be badmouthing them too. Keep yourself and DD occupied. All it takes is one friend to change things. Keep an eye out for moms who are quieter and less prone to drama.

If possible try to learn something from this experience. The way for child's friendships to end is not always a frank talk. Slowly, reduce the frequency and duration of the playdates. Make the child be busy at times when they usually meet to play.

And, at 9 yrs, the girls are old enough to handle their friendship mostly independently. Moms should have the final say whether or not the girls can play at a certain time and place, but should not be talking to each other about the girls' friendship and playdate politics. Be there for the child when a friend is mean, help her realize if a friend is using her and show her how to gently end or fizzle out a friendship.

Let kids arrange their own playdates. It'll teach them phone skills, finding a mutually agreeable time, venue and on days when they are not in the mood for playdate they'll learn how to say No.

kowsika3 · Jun 10, 2013

Re: my daughter is cheerful bubbly girl 9yrs old...She is getting troubles in the sch

Thank you Nitha and Pman16. Yes I am trying to be a strong and keep my daughter strong. I have decided to talk to the teachers directly, if any problem in future...

Shanvy · Jun 10, 2013

Re: my daughter is cheerful bubbly girl 9yrs old...She is getting troubles in the sch

Kowsika,

Late here with my observation and find you have got wonderful suggestions from nitha.

i always say this to my friends that let us not involve ourselves with what our kids fight about. let us stand outside the circle and observe. the moment we enter the picture, the small push and pull will turn ugly, and as parents we turn bitter, while the kids long to be back to the same equation.

your daughter is 9, a tween today, and she complained that her friend is bossy and ... , a child sees only what she wants to see, or what she feels is right, and better we are not biased because of our love towards our kids. yes agreed, we need to stand by our children, but we also have the responsibility of understanding and guiding our children better, when they could be wrong.

Somebody who adored your daughter, could not have gone from being so sweet to bad mouthing without friction. maybe you put across your view on keeping the distance between them in a way that really went wrong. she might have even gone ahead and told the same to others.

and another thing is sometimes, the people could be acting the same as they were before, but now that you are feeling different because you feel sad/frustated/ (would i be wrong to say guilty) that your dd is hurting.

Now coming to the issues of not being given proper attention as before, maybe there is a mood change/behavioral change in your Daughter as such owing to body changes/hormonal changes. some children crave attention while some detest attention. so maybe it is time you observed and talked to your daughter about everything.

her feelings, her anger, her issues. you could be surprised at what comes out of your baby's mouth.

i would not involve school into her personal issues. i would maintain a parallel line between the two until there is a spillover because of this.

and last but not least..she is 9. you cannot handle all her problems. she has to learn to fight her fights/issues. give her the support and the confidence that you are there to help her out in this learning curve. yes she may make her mistakes, but they will make her strong, independent.

independent strong children are not natural, they are groomed with a little prodding here and there.

I will give the lady whom you think is bad mouthing a little benefit of doubt, and go and talk to her and tell her that it hurts you to see two of your babies (hers and yours) suffering, and you both getting stuck in the spoke. maybe a heart to heart talk is better ( hold the bull by its horns) with the mother rather than going around asking others.

P.S. i am talking of a parent in general, not taking u.s style here.

These are my personal views.