My Current attitude with my ILS n hubby for my sanity

Hi all
Before I start my post I just want to say that I am returning to this site after a long time. Indus ladies has given me immense support and solutions to my problems and has been a constant anonymous companion for all these years.

Today I am not frustrated neither do I want to vent my feelings nor am I depressed. I just wanted to share my experience here and inspire hope . My life is nowhere near perfect but may be now i know that no ones life ever is, but its up to us to keep ourselves happy. I will be completing 8 yrs of marriage by this year, I have a adorable 3 yr old son. I am slowly getting back to my career after a 6 yr long break. Me n hubby still have lots of issues and fights but at the end of the day we know how to resolve theses issues or may be let go. One thing i have realized after so many yrs of being married is the main problem or cause of unhappiness is setting up expectations when there is none there is no disappointment . And I have realized I always used to misdirect my anger against my mil to my hubby , and expect him to support me. of course that will not happen, we are genetically wired to love our mothers so my hubby will always be a neutral party (and sometimes in denial that his mommy dear is wrong). I have made my peace with that. Its not easy as sometimes I still take my frustration out on him but after 8 yrs of marriage now we know how to work around it . It does not mean we dont fight. we fight every other day and he is not near perfect but neither am I.

I am a single child to my parents, married after I yr of graduation , I was a very career oriented person and clearly thought will continue working even after marriage. My hubby or in-laws were never against my working, but situation and circumstances made me leave my job as we were moving to a different country after almost a year of marriage. At the time i was left two options either continue work in india and be in a long distance marriage or move and start a new life with my hubby in a different country away from a joint family set up. I chose the later as i was itching to be alone with hubby and also in the hope that will find some kind of work in a new country.

Now a little brief about my ils. I wouldn't describe mil n fil as monster-in-laws but they do have traits to be minions of that lot. Petty issues, always want to win a argument , be center of attention,sidelining whatever I do or say, not taking my opinion into consideration ,taking credit for everything under the son and sun , to the point that the mundane daily activities conducted by her are described in analogy of Einsteins theory of relativity or rocket science for that matter, never be considerate or appreciative of me , nosy to the core ,possessive and jealous at small things, eaves dropping any conversation between me and hubby , never leave us alone, have to be involved in everything, and extremely competitive with me these are few of the characteristics of the species that i call my mil. But she is also forgiving and never bears a grudge on me if i sometimes react or spat out in anger especially on some days when I already in a dab mood....as it becomes difficult to control my so called pmsing self
Sometimes I think its just the way she is and really whats the point of changing her now she has already lived half her life so ignore ignore ignore is my new zen these days ...but at the risk of sounding like a broken record I know its not easy

And my parents are a different story alltogehter.... dad is always worried and over protective and sometimes over interfering and mom is a little self involved she just wont adjust with anything and hence even if on the outside my ils n parents get along well they actually can’t stand each other.

As I mentioned earlier after marriage because of our move and later due to my son’s birth I had to take a 6 yr long career break. After we moved back to India last year I resumed working and a lot changed after that my attitude, my level of frustration and honestly it felt good to shut my mil up as she was constantly on about how every other girl including her own daughter was working. I also try to do most of the house work like getting breakfast, lunch ready, getting my son ready for school so that they only have to focus on my son after he is back from school while am at work
But I also have to mention that because they are taking care of my son while I am at work I am able to work. And for that I am ever grateful to them, so even if i am treated as a second class citizen in my own home by my overbearing mil n supper submissive fil (he is like a robot following her instructions... sometimes it makes me laugh) I am ok as at the end of the the day I look at the big picture my son is in a safe and happy environment. I have a job n in spite of all the misunderstanding between me n hubby we still care for each other and I pray that our bonding improves as its still not perfect.

so I dont know if any of you ladies will read my post and I don’t know if the attitude that I am having towards life is the right one but I do know this that nothing in life is perfect and its up to us how we accept these imperfections and work around it . It’s not easy, believe me... I know it’s still a struggle.... but for those days we have IL to vent on right

PS: I know there are lots of women out there with much more serious problems that they have to endure on a daily basis and my post by no means is telling keep quiet, there is difference between these silly fights and nuances of daily life and actual atrocities and injustice some of our fellow ILS are facing here and by no means should they tolerate and keep mum.


Thanks for taking the time to read my post
love strength and peace to all of you