1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

My Colleague Is Torn Between Her Morals And Happiness

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by SGBV, Sep 12, 2018.

  1. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    From this it’s pretty obvious that she doesn’t want to take it as a long time friendship. She is just using for time pass as per your thread. That means she doesn’t want any long lasting friendship.

    Whatever she/he writes is a soft copy which can later turn against them. The stakes are pretty much higher for her given she has a family.

    Yes, this is exactly what I told. Virtual relationship which are platonic wil be good only if there is transparency between the couple. The husband/ wife should be aware that they are friends and even if they don’t interact just a word put into their ears about the friendship will be needed.

    There are plenty of online resources about emotional cheating or friendship. As lots told it’s a thin line but can be maintained only if the partners are transparent. Friendship will last only if the trust between couple is strong and transparent.

    Anyhow it’s her life and she is at liberty to choose the way she likes. Good luck to her.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018
    Indeevara likes this.
  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,829
    Likes Received:
    9,332
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    How come it can turn against her if their chat is some simple stuff, which are general... Or even harmless personal stuff like, My husband like chicken fried in such a way, and my son likes ben 10 cartoon, or we are planning for an official trip to some park etc...
    What is there to turn against her?
    Friendship and companionship is like this, sharing and hearing...
    Even she may hear his side of the story, about his Ex, about the death of his mom etc...

    I dont know.. but this is how I share with my friends on-line...
    As long as the girl is clear what is she getting into, I don't think she will mess this up.

    What if the spouse doesn't respect their relationship and create an unnecessary drama? It happens right? She knows best about her spouse.
    So as @Rakhii said, it is often better to keep this relationship unknown to her H, unless he is open.
    And if she happens to have feelings for him (emotional or whatever), it is better she keeps it within herself instead of confessing.
    This way, I believe, like any other crushes or on-line relationships, this one too shall pass with time.
    Eventually, both will end up being busy with their personal lives.
     
  3. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    744
    Likes Received:
    1,435
    Trophy Points:
    265
    Gender:
    Female
    I remember a time when I had thought that complete transparency between husband and wife is necessary for a healthy and happy marriage. Now that I am older and "wiser", I don't think that is true.

    Virtual friends are just that, virtual. They are the support and comfort that you need at the touch of your fingertips, but it is far different from the personal touch you would have of a personal friend. There is no hugging, no staring at each other's eyes, or falling into something that could be too dangerous for a marriage. Now, I understand that in the current climate, emotional cheating can fall under this category - and it seems like your friend deduces that this relationship could be considered emotional cheating by her husband, since her friend is male. This may be why her conscience is pricked. But I can also argue, if she had a female virtual friend and shared this level of intimacy - would she be worried? After all, the mundane topics that she is sharing and possibly oversharing, can be considered a breach of trust between husband and wife - and if that is the case, every woman posting on this site about their marriage and family is guilty of that.

    So backtracking to transparency, there are things that we may tell a virtual friend, that we would never really tell someone we are physically close with. There are things that we tell a close friend (male or female) that we would not tell our spouse. If we try the argument that the husband deserves transparency, would it truly improve your friend's marriage? I don't think so, but your friend would know better. If situation permits, she should mention that she has a friend, but seriously, what else can she really say about a virtual friend? It's not like you can go out to lunch with the person or drive around the city.

    Another thing - some women have mentioned about thinking about the situation in reverse, if the husband had a virtual friend. That got me thinking about how I would feel, and I might be the strange one, but if I love and trust my husband, I would never worry about my husband's female friends - IRL or virtual. Only if I felt insecure, would this be a problem for me - and that's technically my problem, not my husband's. If the spouse is not open to this type of platonic friendship, I think it makes more sense to keep it a secret.
     
    Rakhii, SGBV and gorgeous23 like this.
  4. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Let your friend come to an informed decision of her own. I assume that she is aware that you have sought opinion here and if so just ask your friend to read all the feedbacks here and let her think about what everyone suggested and come to her conclusion. All give different opinions on how they look at it. Finally it’s the individual decision which has to be made and hopefully she gets clarity on whichever way she goes. Good luck for her.
     
  5. popup

    popup New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    WELL SAID. He is unmarried, so searching for some one to get set. At the end it will be the mistake of the married person and she will spoil her own life.
     
  6. popup

    popup New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Also, friendship means in their busy life talking once in a while. This doesn't seems to be once in a while... Talking every day when ever gets time seems more alarming.
     
    Indeevara likes this.
  7. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,208
    Likes Received:
    2,063
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes tats what even I mentioned
     
  8. gorgeous23

    gorgeous23 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    115
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    wow, to the point .
    a very sensible & understanding way of looking at things ..[/QUOTE]
     
  9. Indeevara

    Indeevara Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    242
    Likes Received:
    539
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Yeah this was what sounded awkward to me.
     
  10. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    310
    Likes Received:
    320
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Very well explained Rakhi....These crushes often give happiness and motivation and most often are harmless.....we can sometimes be a little more kind to ourselves
     
    SGBV likes this.

Share This Page