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Moving to in laws house dilemma

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Dreamer, Aug 2, 2014.

  1. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    First off, my experience on this site as a male has been good. I am now posting this after some months but this is why I joined the site in the first place.
    I have been in a relationship with a girl for 3 years and we are considering marriage now. I live in a city different from my hometown while she is from here. Her family is originally from the north east (manipur). They are very strict about their customs as per which the groom needs to move to the girl's house post marriage. Something I am not very comfortable with. Though there is only her mother and younger sister in her house but I still am trying to convince her to live separately.
    Her sister is very cool while I got vibes from her mother because she wanted her to marry a north eastern boy.
    In case I move in with them, how do you rate your experience when you got married? I am not very talkative by nature, how do I communicate such stuff to them?
    Hoping for some positive replies.
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't do it if you are not comfortable. Find a place close to their place and start your married life there. This way you will be the king of your own castle. Every one deserves to start their lives on their own terms ..under their own rules. It is natural that your mil may not be too happy about the alliance....but that is her problem.All the more reason to start life on your own terms. This way your parents can also visit you when you want.
     
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  3. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the replies Ammulur and yellowmango. My family is okay with it. It's just me. I have stated that we will live separately, but it needs to be done for the first year at least. So I guess I should adjust. What's bothering me is how the MIL and SIL behavior will be once I am there.
     
  4. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the advise. Looks like I need to figure out what MIL likes and dislikes :)
     
  5. Angellic

    Angellic IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh :wow, husband moving to wife's place?? Great custom, I'm loving it...Kaash, i'm a manipurian...;-)

    sorrysmiley OP, I don't have any suggestions for you, but i couldn't stop myself after reading your post...

    I wish, you have a very very happy married life in your Il's place...
    :thumbsup
     
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  6. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks. Hope your wish for me turns true!
     
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  7. rainbowresh

    rainbowresh Gold IL'ite

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    :wow. :wow. :wow
    Now firstly m jealous of all the manipuri women. Sorry dreamer , its too tempting couldn't help it. If only I were born there to my parents!!!
    Now , u mentioned that ur folks are okay with ur decision, good for you. U did not mention, have the two sides ever met? How did that go? If it hasn't taken place, its tough to guess. Do a trial run first. Make it clear this has to happen.
    Its important for ur marriage so there will be no shocking surprises on ur d day!
    In my opinion you wouldn't have issues with SIL as long as she is not jealous or insecure ... Sisters must be able to manage among themselves.
    MIL, since she made it clear so far that she doesn't like u... Try patiently to be a good husband and impress MIL. Don't have to overdo coz then u ll look desperate. Try talking to the love of ur life to sincerely help you with the initial getting along year. Tell her that u ll sincerely try ur best but if it doesn't work out she must be ready to come out after a year. M saying try it, but keep ur options open.
    In case your parents are hurt or disrespected in the first meeting itself, it s a red flag and u must consider and make it clear that u will move out together but maybe smwhere nearby.
    I again repeat, with patience u can win ur MIL back. If nothing works out at any point come back to us !!!! We ILs will here always!
    Good luck n congrats in advance!
     
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  8. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the lovely comprehensive reply. Both sides have met and it has been great so far. It's just me who feels that mil might not like it. But I will try my best to win her over :) SIL is very cool. And yes if nothing works out I am sure to find a lot of help here :)
    Thanks again for the reply. Keep the suggestions coming.
     
  9. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Question: Is it okay to choose things that affect you? Example - Can I demand stuff like a particular kind of bed? Or will it be too much. I hope I don't have to behave like a guest. Like asking before doing anything.
     

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