I need input regarding the dilemma I'm facing in my life. I work for a company where the pay is 30% less than market rate. But the job is flexible .I'm able to have a great work life balance. I have 2 kids so I get a satisfaction of taking care of them. Unfortunately 6 months back my husband lost his job. He has a reliable astrologer(I believe only in God so don't know much about this) who said he will have a very difficult time making money next 3 years. My income will not cover all the expenses and we have been digging into savings for last 6 months. Now my husband has been hinting about me finding a different job. To be honest I can easily make more. Just the thought of leaving my comfort zone is making me uncomfortable. I also face quite a bit of health issues. I need to find a better job if we need to manage the expense. I also have a little bit edge over my husband since I do good in what I'm doing. My question is how do I make decision at this time . One more reason why I don't want to switch job is because my daughter is going to 7th grade. I feel as a mother she needs me more now.I enjoy each and every minute I spend with my kids. The new job will not give me this comfort. I'm not ambitious to make more money. My life is peaceful. I'm looking for suggestion since I don't want to ignore my husband advice and looking at savings we can stretch this life style only for next 2-3 months. I'm confused on how to face this situation. Thanks, Mangaii
Wish he has a clear answer. He has been in the industry for 15 years so he still thinks he can get a job in his field. He was a product manager for last 4 years. He switched fields . He does take my suggestion positively. I have following options in mind .. I have asked him to look into training (6months-year) in fields like big data. There are quite a few in SFO. I feel this would help him transition to new technology. Secondly look for jobs out of state. I'm super hesitant about this. But in worst case I'm prepared for this. Find a low paying job like bank teller.
If you get a more hectic job will your husband be able to help or will you have to outsource? Will you have to commute longer? If you end up having to hire more help or eat out more often it can offset the financial advantage. Are you in the US and able to work freely? Some of my friends worked in places like Costco during the last recession. There is no shame in doing what you have to in order to feed your family.
Malstrom thanks for your time and response. My only worry is commute and my own comfort zone. I can afford help if I change jobs. Sometimes I'm fighting with my own consciousness on why I should make my life miserable when I'm happy and content in my own space. I lead a very simple life style. Other than monthly cleaners I'm pretty much on my own wrt to household work. My husband is not the only one complaining about lack of my career growth ,my siblings also think the same. I should be ashamed of saying this but I got accepted for MBA at UC (part-time program). The thought of leaving my kids on weekday evening/weekend made me so guilty so I didn't proceed further. I don't know why I feel this way but I feel super happy doing things for kids and super guilty when I'm not cooking or near them other than school hours.I do go overboard spending money on their activities.
Transitioning into a new field and getting paid well for that takes time . It would be more like couple of years and not few months. Thats a significant length of time. To make this happen u need to switch gears and be the primary bread winner (esp since u say its feasible for u ) . If he has been the primary bread winner all this time ..then its only fair to give him a break for a couple of years so he can figure out what he wants to do next. There are those who enjoy being in the drivers seat all the time ..but for a great majority a break really helps . If the thought of spending time away from ur family is making u miserable then u really need to evaluate ur options ...and at this point I dont think u have very many. The reality if ur situation is this.. ur husband is out of a job and ur income does not meet ur expenses and u are dipping into ur savings. This is not sustainable. Sit down and list ur expenses. Trim down where u can. I mean really trim down . Now see if u can manage within ur income. If u still cannot then u dont have a lot of options...ur DH taking up a starbucks barista job might seem like a great solution short term but in the long run he is probably better off taking that training and getting back into the industry. And yes u might have to take up a more demanding job for a couple of years to pull the family through.
30% below market is a big compromise, even if job offers flexibility. You have another 10-15 years of working left (let's say). Are you prepared to be paid below market for all those years? A Yes answer is perfectly fine. Can your family's future expenses accommodate you being in a low(er) paying job? Daughter going to 7th grade: "needs mother" "more now".. myth. : ) If anything, middle school is a time when they are old enough to be a little independent, and yet not in high school that child/parents have to start thinking about college. Good time for you to switch jobs, settle down and try to get some flexibility before she reaches 9th/10th grades. As long as child is receiving enough time total from both parents, they do fine. It is kind of "unfair" and a "pain" that you are having to rock the boat and have to consider leaving a cushy job for reasons outside your control. But then, such is life. As life problems go, many people would go down on their knees and pray for having only such a problem. I would suggest look into making the move now. But don't be in a hurry. Look for a job where you can get some flexibility after a year or so of working there. You've been candid in your post. I'll be frank and say this: health issues, child needs mother, want to spend time with child... are sounding like excuses.. that from a man would be mostly unacceptable...
So is your husband already resting on his laurels because someone predicted about his career? I don't get it how people have immense faith in someone's prediction over their individual skills and talent . You mentioned that he has good experience in product development and if he could up his skills by going for big data training or whatever else is hot right now , I don't think he should have a problem finding a job soon. Technology is always evolving so rapidly that it's always a good idea to keep ourselves abreast with the latest one if you want to move up the ladder . It may take a while for him but the market is good right now so it's doable . Also, don't underestimate the power of networking so he may need to reach out to his ex colleagues,ex employer or LinkedIn and you will be surprised how fast it works . Someone somewhere is always hiring so be very proactive. Regarding your career, all your posts says that you love spending time with your family than working. That is who you are so please be proud of yourself. You decided to quit MBA , you want to spend more time with family , well great ! At least you know your priorities well so why go through guilt or justify the choices you made. I bet ya many women who are working crazy hours would love to have a work life balance and spend more time with family because they have their own guilt pangs of not being able to spend enough time with family . Do what works for you and not what your husband and siblings want you to do . Nobody but only you are responsible for your career and kids so they shouldn't have a right to dictate what you should do .I am sure your siblings are not helping you with household chores so why are they adding dilemma to your career life. If you are content with your pay ,work life balance and your priorities are more towards spending time with your family than being overly ambitious, so be it . I don't know why women go through this guilt all the time whether we work or stay home . Get over this guilt feeling and live your life as per your terms . Why we women are always under the radar for the choices we make . If someone wants to stay home or spend more time with family than job , so be it. If someone is happy becoming a CEO and leave the kids to nannies big deal ! If you jump into a new job because others have been criticizing you ,then you will soon be disappointed there as well . You have mentioned in all your posts that you feel guilty being away from your kids so even if your new job pay you little more than the current but doesn't give you the work life balance you want , then the excitement of more money will fizzle out soon and the guilt factor will kick in again . Do you think you will be able to do 100% justice to your work then ? Why make it difficult for you as well the employer ? What if you don't like your new team , boss, work life balance or they lay you off soon after you join. Is it worth the trouble ? Switch jobs for the right reasons and not because of some guilt factor or someone else dictating you . After few years of working ,we realize that is a just a J.O.B and money is just a means for survival so do what makes you happy in the long term . Generally, IT pay quite well so once he finds a job which I am sure he will with the kind of experience he has, his and your income combined should be good enough to live a decent life. Till then just curtail your expenses and hang in there .
Ok.. At this point of time, your husband is out of job for six Months and has not landed any job yet. Your immediate priority should be to get your family into a stable income levels where you will Not be dipping into savings . For that if you have to up your work then so be it. All this work like balance Spending time with children will go out window if you hit any financial crisis. So first evaluate if you will be ok with your current income level , if not then you will need to look for oppurtunities. When your husband gets a stable job you can cut your hours back .
Hi mangaii, Your mindset seems to be exactly like mine. I have been working at much lower pay but in a comfortable job since long. Career growth is not satisfactory. I am very happy due to flexi hours and work life balance. I love my kiddo's company and do not want to sacrifice on that. So sticking to what I have. Is it possible for you to pick up some extra part time work which will make you busy only till your husband settles? This will help you retain your current job. That way when your husband bounces back you can get back to your own comfort zone.
