Moving out finally- wanted to thank all the ladies and share what worked for me

Hi Ladies after a couple of years of living with IL they have asked us to leave, not the first time but the second time. The last time they asked us to leave all of a sudden with a few weeks wanted us to stay and said things would be different and other dramas. DH really wanted to stay and begged me to stay so I did for the sake of my marriage and my daughters. This time though I told him I would stay but everything would be on my terms and I would come and go as I please and live my life the way I wanted, I had been doing that for a while but told him they better not expect me to change in any way.

Fast forward a year and a bit and again she can't stand me and has asked for me to leave, this time DH is mad and the same day she said this he went out and bought a new house. So now we have moved out and are living peacefully with the Grace and blessings of God. I did not want to share it here until we actually moved out.

Here are my mantras that I followed:

1) I used Ghandi Gi's no violence approach, no matter how much IL yelled and screamed at me, abused me i would smile and walk away, I would not take it personally or engage in the temper tantrum. Sometimes DH would witness sometimes not.
2) I did the bear minimum duties that were expected of me and that DH wanted me to participate in and nothing more- that way he was happy and I was happy.
3) No personal conversations with them, just business
4) I lived my life to the fullest, went where I wanted, and did what I wanted. Of course their was abuse that came with this but then refer back to point number 1.
4) I saw a councillor and she helped me work through my anxieties and fears, and especially the guilt and shame of not caring for these people. She taught me to be compassionate in which I sympathize with them but from a distance.
5) I maintained excellent coordial relationships with all relatives and family members as they were kind to me.
6) I never talked back or tried to defend myself.
7) If I was given unsolicited advice or told to do something ridiculous I would smile and nod my head but then go and do it my way- took a lot of flack for this.
8) Basically stopped caring what they thought about me and what they were saying about me- who cares- they think I am bad and eveil anyways , just cause I go out or spend time with my family - they will hate me even more- who cares.
9) Most important of all, I went through what if scenarios, what is the worst thing they can do to me, yell/shout, who cares, turn my DH against me , who cares, stop talking to me who cares, then when I played that out in my head it took a lot of the fears away.

All of these actions gave me a lot of power and self esteem. I felt I was in control as I was not sinking to their level and most importantly I was not instigating anything- they were. I chose to be silently strong and their taunts and abuse will ONLY have meaning if I give it meaning and worry about it. Otherwise I thought about it as dogs barking in the alley. My DH witnessed all of this and thought enough is enough. Honestly if he had not stepped in I probably would have continued for a few more months but had made up my mind that I would go my separate way with my daughters cause he is not doing things to stop this. I wanted to give him a chance first cause its hard to throw your marriage away. Now after 13 years I am living separate and enjoying it.

Please add on your pointers how you were able to get what you wanted with your head held up high.

 

Jigisha321 be patient and calm and soon your DH will understand. My key was for him to see his mom fly off the handle and for me to be calm, also I treated my DH with the utmost respect and love so he stopped seeing me as villain. Try to develop and incredible bond and relationship with your DH -if you have kids focus your love and attention on them- ignore all other evils and rest will fall in to place, but it will not happen over night it takes time.

 

Thanks yellow mango all the ladies and you especially made me stronger, I realized I was not alone, love all the advice you give to woman. Keep up the good work.

 

Thanks for all the good wishes.!!!!