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moving Inlaws in with us

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Goahead, Aug 27, 2014.

  1. Aug 27, 2014 #1
    Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    my husband brought this up that hes planning to mve his parents in in few years and have been emotionally blackmailing me . When I say x+5 years to be the time frame, he start saying things like " oh what in that many years they wnt be anymore, then you tool no responsibility etc " he starts pointing out my uncle who lives with my grand mom and give me examples that everyone adjust and so n so...

    i dnt know what to do and how to win this argument with him. Hes thinking next x years and he wants to plan now and start having them live with us starting with 6 months and in few years move them in permanently. My point of x+5 years is being dismissed right away .

    my MIL is very manipulative, sweet on everyone's face and only cares about SIL. if my inlaws move, my SIL would practically live here...and will visit very often. My inlaws also never contribute or help us financially. Being the son, its all our responsibility .their traveling expenses, healthcare etc everything will be taken for granted and they give everything to SIL only...

    not sure how to convince my husband that i'm not running away from responsibilities, but there is a right time for everything. At this age, they dominate and want to do everything their way ..
     
    Goahead, Aug 27, 2014
    Goahead, Aug 27, 2014
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  2. Aug 27, 2014 #2
    DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't fight with him about it now. He said 6 months first, and after X years, bring them here permanently.

    Since he has that plan I would assume you are green card holders on your way to citizenship or already citizens.

    1) Why are you worried about your SIL visiting all the time? Is she a single woman? Does she stay with in-laws? If she is not, and she is married and with her husband, he must be spineless to let his wife run off to the US often.

    2) Lots of things can happen in X years. Maybe your inlaws won't want to settle here in the US. Many of us (my husband included) think that parents will automatically come and settle here. My parents point blank refused anything but a visit. His parents keep moving from a yes to a no. This trip my MIL very clearly said she will not settle down here. She misses the noise, the Tamil channels, magazines, having a househelp etc.

    3) The only thing you can do that will hurt you the most now is fight against their coming here. The more we push back on our husband's plans, the more they get stubborn and refuse to see reason.

    Learn from my book - say yes to everything he wants. When it gets messed up, just smile....no "I told you so" My husband has now-after 15 years- learnt to listen to my reasoning.

    Hope this helps!
     
    DKI, Aug 27, 2014
    DKI, Aug 27, 2014
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