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Moving Back For Good From Usa To India

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by libran, Mar 11, 2019.

  1. libran

    libran Junior IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    Dealing with lot of stress these days. im a homemaker with a 4 year old. My husband's parents are unwell these days and they want us to move back to India. I dont want to move back now, I mcrying everyday because I cant come to terms with this, I have to deal with his parents( who are extremely conservative whereas Im a free soul) with his sisters who are always very intrusive and I hate that. Im very scared to put up with this nonsense if I go back. THis is first thing

    coming to expenses in Hyderabad, schooling for my kid, Im very much worried about her upbringing and her education. anybody who has experienced these things can you shed some light?

    I had a miscarriage in August 2018 and I want to try for another kid but he seems very indifferent about it, and I m tired asking him about other kid and I feel so ashamed to ask him again and again so I stopped altogether.
    Now I started unliking him, If I dont like him how will I embrace his family If i go back andface them everyday? PLease friends please pour some support
     
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  2. libran

    libran Junior IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    Dealing with lot of stress these days. im a homemaker with a 4 year old. My husband's parents are unwell these days and they want us to move back to India. I dont want to move back now, I mcrying everyday because I cant come to terms with this, I have to deal with his parents( who are extremely conservative whereas Im a free soul) with his sisters who are always very intrusive and I hate that. Im very scared to put up with this nonsense if I go back. THis is first thing

    coming to expenses in Hyderabad, schooling for my kid, Im very much worried about her upbringing and her education. anybody who has experienced these things can you shed some light?

    I had a miscarriage in August 2018 and I want to try for another kid but he seems very indifferent about it, and I m tired asking him about other kid and I feel so ashamed to ask him again and again so I stopped altogether.
    Now I started unliking him, If I dont like him how will I embrace his family If i go back andface them everyday? PLease friends please pour some support
     
  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Your in-laws want you guys to move back and what’s your dh take on this?
    Firstly moving back takes time.He needs to find a suitable job,or his company should transfer him and after that so many other things to take care of.

    Also,is he surely moving to Hyderabad and in-laws are living with you as a joint family?

    Anyways..coming back leave the second kid issue for sometime.You have to deal with the moving issue first and the stress you are facing with it.

    How is your relationship with your husband?how u dwratanding is he?Can he wait for few more years?Take to your husband about this.


    As for schooling..kids manage better when they are young and your child is only 4 years.No worries.


    Don’t worry.Prayers for things to workout.
     
  4. libran

    libran Junior IL'ite

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    HUsband is almost a puppet in his parents hands. He is an idiot( sorry for my language). He is a contractor here in US and will have to find a job in India. Inlaws will live as joint family if we move back. husband is very hopeless, I want him to discuss things with me but instead he just argues.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Give him sometime and when he is in a good mood,without any blame game or blatantly questioning him..tell him
    About the pros and cons and also about your kids and their life etc...

    Think what to talk beforehand..
     
  6. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

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    This is a big adjustment for women who are accustomed to the peaceful and non intrusive usa life.

    1. Talk calmly and get some groundrules in place like not live in joint family in hyd, discuss all matters with you first, give you importance and so on. Men who are puppet are never going to listen to their wives, i had the same fight with my ex husband and even got my own H1 and told i will be in usa and he can go to india. Finally he budged but you are in different boat


    2.if one spouse is not interested in second child at all its not good to force them into a life long commitment and responsibility. It will come back and haunt you. Let him think on that, already u guys have a huge undertaking with India move so dont take on this also.

    Goodluck
     
    libran, Sunshine04 and SunPa like this.
  7. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    No harm in feeling that way or using that language. If you feel he is an idiot, you are the spouse, and you know him every which way. However, it is irrational to want another child with the same idiot, even in the best of times.

    For girls in a bad marriage, the husband not forcing her to have another child, is a good/blessed thing. There are hundreds of response-post variations on this forum, where IL'ites would go into a refrain that would contain some or all of the following points:
    • Save your money, whatever you can squirrel away from him, and his knowledge, for your own future help.
    • Plan to make yourself employable, wherever you are going to live. Worry about your education/training for a job in India, once you are forced to go there. Your daughter's education worry can take a backseat.
    • Bide your time in misery/suffering, until you can safely escape with your child, and make a life for yourself.
    • Pray for good health, luck, and unexpected happy turns of fortune.
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2019
  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    This one :clap2:
     
  9. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Going back to India should be a joint decision that is agreed upon wholeheartedly by both of you. Make a list of pros and cons ( don’t include his conservative parents and nosy sisters on the list ) and share it with him. If he has made up his mind then insist that you will not live with the in-laws . A separate home should make things slightly better.
     
  10. Socialbee

    Socialbee Silver IL'ite

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    Dear op,
    IMHO, if your husband’s parents are really sick, then you should support your husband in his decision of going back. Mil sil problems are common in almost all the families in India. But that doesn’t mean they all are not happy. Be nice to your husband in his bad time. I am sure your good deeds will pay you back later. If you are leaving US now doesn’t mean you can never come back. Be positive. Worrying won’t change anything. All the best!
     
    sarvantaryamini and anika987 like this.

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