motherinlaw and sisterinlaw breaking my marriage

Personally I am not a feminist, I dont care if someone is or is not...what I bother about is...if something is wrong/bad...its wrong/bad...doesnt matter if its a man/woman. If a man thinks he wants peace...woman is also entitled for peace. if woman thinks she has to voice out her thoughts...men also should be given that freedom to say when they dont like it...(equal rights means really equality..interms of everything..except for bearing a child...) our parents may not agree to this overly equal way of things..but atleast its on us and we should stop using things as per our wish and throw them out of the window when it comes to others turn. I was also suggesting that women should also come forward to take care of their parents and support them. (however there are many men who are against it they dont like it if the wifes earnings are sent to her parents doesnt matter how small/big the amount is...) There are such men...so lets give it a rest discussing about feminist movements etc. because men themselves may be indirectly responsible for this linenace in the law

This entire post of mine seems to be targeted towards only one poster..which I didnt want to be this way...time for me to be at peace.Also this off track discussion may have kept OP away from her own thread. sorry for that.

 

As far as I know, the law does say that both sons and daughters are responsible for parents' maintenance. Although people rarely practice it.

 

Sri, I am not sure whether your statement is sarcastic or you really mean it.But it does convey a strong message.WE WOMEN ARE DEFINITELY THANKLESS HUMAN BEINGS.How could we leave our parents who gave us everything in life and go to somebody else's family?(the same word from men).And on top of that lot of women out there treat this new family as "their" family and treat the family which gave her everything as secondary.How could we be so shameless and ungrateful?We need to learn a lot from the men out there.They could throw the wife easily for the sake of "their" family.But look at what we women are doing?Even if the husband ,in-laws abuse you verbally ,physically we struggle till our last breathe to maintain relationship.We do not even want to fall back to our FOO for the sake of this abusive new family(I mean I am talking about only the abusive ones).We women are so clear that hubby & our kids form our immediate family and do every possible thing to keep up the peace and harmony of the family .But for men it is still debatable on who all form his immediate family.At the time of crisis, they can decide who they want.

Look at OPs case.Her MIL shows hubby's Ex's photograph to her.If it is the other way what would have happenned?WE WOMEN DO NOT RESPECT OURSELVES.

If that is the case , how could the men retain everybody else and throw(divorce) the wife(&wife's parents) out?Looks like the law says something and we practice something else.

 

Yes, I am enlightening you and forum members on one-sided laws and that is on purpose. I believe the laws are unjust and to raise awareness about injustice is first step. Yes, some women might enjoy knowing that there exist such laws, but many would acknowledge the injustice.

Chill chill...I am not taking out my frustation on you, I may have misunderstood your point. Anyways, all I meant is men should have equal right of voicing their dislike and seems you agree with it.

So you see I myself am able to see where my personal situation does not apply and not post on those threads . Chill dear, I am not fighting you. For some reason you wanted to me to advice everywhere only to realize I am incapable of doing so

In last post itself I acknowledged existence of such people(there are monstrous ILs as well as monstrous DILs...)...All I have pressed upon is dont assume that ILs are monstrous

Naah...its ok bury it. Regarding why gifts are given/taken at all - well people sometimes like to do so. If my father wishes to gift something to my sister, his good wish. If he wishes to gift my wife, his good wish.

Exactly, thats my point as well....see broadly we dont differ that much as you think. hopefully you are at peace

I can confirm to you that only sons are responsible. Read CrPC 125, easily searchable on google(I am not a trained lawyer but I am sure of this).

And OP, do not let me n SV hijack your thread. We have done it numerous times now ....

 

Anonymu,

According to The Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act, 2007 (Act No. 56 of 2007), both sons and daughters are responsible.
Read this: http://dpal.kar.nic.in/.\Act56of2007 PR-26.pdf

 

Hi gentlemen,

Thanks for the insight.as this is a ladies forum so yes offcourse we see only one side of the coin as responses but it is really nice to hear the side which i guess is the most important for all the ladies.i do not know about others but for me it is really going to be helpful to hear a husbands say as they don't tend to clarify or share their feelings so easily.
some of your views are exactly the same my H says and i agree to them..Thanks for the post.

and as you are a man i would like to generally ask you that what do you think that the way a man wants his wife to take his family as hers should not he too take her family as his and care for them in the same way as he expects her to take care of his family.Like talking nicely, visiting them, getting gifts for them and all just whatever he does for his family.
what do you say pls be honest..

 

Monita,
Thanks for sharing link. I was refering to Section 125 (d) Code of Criminal Procedure which mandates son, but not daughter to mantain parents. This is enforced by competent court.

The act you shared is a new one, and available as an inexpensive method for parents to put their demand with a tribunal (no formal judge/lawyer system). And this indeed does include daughter as well as son (as well as other relatives in case of childless senior citizen). I was unaware of this, thanks for sharing. Though it seems so far only 13 states have formed tribunals under this act, but yes a begining in right direction.

 

This discussion is in Greek as far as my grasping abilities are concerned but I saw one line somewhere saying that life without spouse forum and the issues in there is a proof that in- laws are responsible for divorce (okay now I hope am in the right thread because I think there are more than one thread like this where people are fighting tooth and nail to prove some point I haven't managed to understand yet).

Ah well...what I was trying to say was posts in life without spouse board; now does anyone think it's because only English educated and Internet savvy dils frequent such boards, or any boards for that matter?

I should add a P.S. to ignore me if am not making any sense.

 

I am glad that atleast someone found my posts useful to them!
I cannot say for others but in my relation, it was me who was trying to patch up my wife with her father and it was me who was advicing my wife to not spoil her relations with her own sister (my SIL); I even explained her that they are only two sisters and after her parents are not around, its only her sister who is her closest relative after me. There were issues that my mother-in-law will complain about my father-in-law to my dear wife and then two - daughter-father will have a go at each other and it was me who suggested to my MIL to raise those issues to me rather than my dear wife so that atleast I can handle it more amicably but can you believe it - my MIL moaned to my dear wife that 'Now I cannot even tell you my problems!' and obviously my dear wife, rather than realising good intentions, decided to put up another fight with me.
As far as gifts are concerned, there was never any restrictions for her to purchase/send gifts for her family but what was annoying was that she would not let me purchase any gifts for her family and at times, she would not let me speak to her family as if I was going to STEAL her family from her. Oh god, I could not never understand how her brain worked or will work!
Obviously you all have realised that there were some unique issues in my married life which, I hope, are not widespread. If my dear wife was to read above, she would see them as me bringing her in disrepute rather than understanding how genuinely I was trying to help restore Mental peace within OUR Home.

As regards other peoples' responses, I have to admit that I have not read them all, I will only say that NRI ladies living (and possibly working) abroad in nuclear family should do some serious introspection about themselves before putting whole or most of blame onto in-laws and husband. Go by the facts rather than the hearsays or suggestions (which does not need to be followed). Wives can have a right to complain if their husbands joined the bandwagon and demand same thing from wives, and even in that situation, rather than the display of anger (in form of unhappiness, crying, destruction of physical and mental peace) they should try to put their case i.e. 'look i work, i was working until late last night, i don't have servants like in india, there is lot of responsibilities apart from work, life is very stressful, if you want me to do all household chores and look after you - then may be we should consider me leaving job or having a maid, etc.' Adult discussions can occur if there are adult points made rather than 'your mum told me that you are not making tea in the morning, how uneducated and illiterate your family is!' or 'you must have complained to your mum that i am not making tea for you in the morning!', etc. etc.

Finally, husbands are not always right and sometimes they know they are not right and some husbands may not ever admit that and some will admit that - this last trait is unique to indian husbands, but then Indian husbands are likely to be loyal to you evenwhen there is no happiness in marriage unlike Western Caucasian population to which some ladies will compare their husbands to. At the end of the day, husband comes as a package -some good aspects and some bad aspects (including in-laws) and you as a wife need to accept the whole package and be happy with good aspects and try to ignore/put up with the bad aspects as long as you are prepared to. If you find that bad aspects are way too much than the good aspects then its better that you decide to separate amicably rather than destroy both lives.

I am grateful to this forum because it brought to my attention that my wife was overwhelmed with the bad aspects of me as a package and therefore I suggested to her the amicable separation.

Referring back to OP: I WILL STILL MAINTAIN THAT THERE IS NO HARD EVIDENCE OF MISCONDUCT OF YOUR HUSBAND AS FAR AS I HAVE READ YOUR POSTS (APOLOGIES IF I MISSED SOME OF YOUR POSTS IN MIDDLE) AND THEREFORE I SUGGEST YOU CHERISH WHAT YOU HAVE I.E. YOUR HUSBAND RATHER THAN WORRY ABOUT YOUR IN-LAWS. YOU CANNOT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLES' BEHAVIOURS BUT YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR BEHAVIOUR.


GentleMen.

 

I would like to add some more points: sometimes, on this forum, people do not try to see the other side of coin, there are always two sides of the story, and unfortunately some forum members land up giving advice which may be destructive. For every given story - i.e. ' My MIL or SIL did or said THIS to me ' remember that no one else on this earth actually know the EXACT content of that conversation apart from the two people involved. for eg. my dear wife did mention some very serious allegations about her MIL but then there is no way to prove them but you have to understand that this is the same person (my mother) who had told me (when I proposed to her that I wanted to marry my current wife) that they(my parents) are happy as long as I understand that I may have to share some or whole of responsibilities of looking after my wife's parents in old age as my wife does not have a brother. What I am trying to put across is the broad mindedness of the same person who has been seriously accused by my wife.

Currently, as far as my wife is concerned, the whole reason of our impending divorce is her MIL and SIL; but in my opinion, that's an excuse she is trying to find for the great incompabilities existed between us - which cannot be repaired in any way or form.

I made the above points because on this forum, there are replies given by other members (in reply to my wife's posts) which claimed that 'Your Husband does not deserve you' 'You should leave him' etc. etc. As this allows to understand that people should try to take Factual and Balanced view rather than narrow view on the basis of what is said which may be a part of the story and not the full story. This applies to my posts as well.