motherinlaw and sisterinlaw breaking my marriage

FIRST THING toremember....

STOP trying to WHINE about all this infront of your husband...amm sure he is already upset and tensed and annoyed with what all is going on...on one side his mom and another you n kid....so atleast try to keep calm...and be patient. do not try to complain or bad mouth your MIL or SIL infront of your husband as it would make it worse..and he would start thinking whatever his parents are saying is right about you!!!

If this guy has not left you by hearing to his moms words...then he sure has some sense...so better be supportive of him...and do not create worries for him.

Coming to you....its been 7 yrs you are married..by now you have to develop thick skin and stop letting all this bother you this much...You went on and on about money money n money in your posts....its just soo upsetting...because if you think allthis about your MIL I wonder if you happen to talk about this to your husband...am sure he would think you are there to separate him n his mom...

Why your MIL does all this?? no one knows....it may/may not be about money....or you or your kid or your parents....so plssss try to be happyw ith what you have....you are in a diff. country...far far away from her physically.....do not let your MILs words affect you so much that at the end it may create rifts b/w u n ur husband...so better try to be calm....be patient...and if she is yelling....just let her do that...and you try to maintain your cool.

If you are calm and cool and not taking all this to heart n mind....it wont affect your husband also..and you both can mind your business ie your marriage and end of the day...you both will be happy you will have happy marriage...but if you specifically want to make your MIL learn......or STOP all this....or talk back to her eetc....it would backfire at you!! so choose what you want.

This time of the year is not to worry about inlaws....time to plan for valentines day!!! problems will be there for everyone...read other threads on the forums here....many are in the same boat as you are!! so take it lightly and move on...do something constructive so that all this wont bother you often....

 

Hii,

Your MIL is way too much..stop picking her calls.. how can she show ur hubbys ex pics etc.. be happy tht ur hubby is beside u..
if ur mil calls your parents then tell ur parents to say this " stop complaining about our daughter if it your family affair and we dont want to involve or hear any thing" tts it

 

One question...yes you are the one who suffered all this and you are the one who has gone through all this!!!!

So what do you want all ofus here to say??? if we bash your MIL left n right will you be happy?? will your difficulties become less?? will your MILchange???

No one told you to leave your husband just because your MIL wants it....even your husband is also normal after all this....what does that say??

If you want your married life to be happy n safe....you have to STOP letting your MIL and her words and acts affect you or your husband....if you keep insisting you have to taken all this......so what should anyone do now??? including your husband??

I am suggesting you to cope up with whats happening and try to calm down and let it go....if not this anger, frustration and enemity against your MIL will actually do worse to you than good....(justmy thoughts...) I understand if you dont like my words...but when you are upset or angry..we all are here to listen to you..but when it comes to handling your marriage n husband you have to do it on your own...and when you keep getting angry n frustrated with your MIL it wont help you build a strong relationshipw ith your husband...because finally she is his mom...he will surely have some soft corner for her...you have to understand that...agreed she is bad...but finally she is his mom!!!! so try to be calm infront of him and dont show your anger...if he is upset n angry about her..just tell him to not pay attention and be happy for you n the kid and your family...you guys are living far away from all these influences...just remind him of that...and keep him happy n peaceful...

When you are talking to her.....put the phone on speaker...
talk only when your husband is around..
tell him you will talk once in a week or 2 weeks so that you all can be peaceful
As long as your husband is on your side and understands you ...thats all you need!! you dont need your MIL to like you or be nice to you...she can do all the evil she wants..but the REAL person who matters is your husband...dont focus or concentrate on your MIL..you will loose sight of imp. person...i.e your husband.

 

You have handled this for 7 yrs....what happened suddenly?? any new incident? would you like to share n talk about it? forget about the past 7 yrs....anything new that has happened thats bothering you???

or did your husband say something?? or is it that you just want to find a way or solution for all this? or are you trying to vent and talk it out and share so that you can feel a bit relaxed??

 

You seem to be quite disturbed. (at least you sound disturbed in your post).

Try some yoga, meditation, deep breathing.....

 

Dear OP

It is easy to tackle the tantrums of your MIL when they are physically away from you rather than they staying under one roof.. Imagine your situation if you were staying along with them...

You should thank your stars that your miles and miles away from them.... I had to deal with a monster MIL for nearly 15 years until her death.. but I learnt how to live with it.. its our lives and we are the one who is directly responsible for our happiness... i use to avoid direct eye contacts with her... spend more time on my DD and work ( I wfh) and socializing which I think is very important... u are educated but why u didn't make any friends ... visit public libraries, yours sons school, meet other parents....

You don't have to keep attending phone calls and take all their abuses... just let your DH talk to them and tell him end the conversation with out giving the phone to you... once in a month casual call is more than enuf.

You have act smart here... u should be cool and calm with your DH... just tell him that if you talk to them you are loosing your peace and will be disturbed for the whole day.. sure he will understand you.

And during your conversation with them u should keep telling something like your son loves his Dad so.. much he cannot miss him even for a day... and also gvg them hints that you and your DH are so attached ... etc so they don;t dare to call you to India...

Live life for your self to, pamper your self like visiting a beauty palour... join a GYM for fitness... concentrate on your son... change your life style... keep smiling.. and happiness will follow

 

Dear OP

The one thing i noticed in your post and replies is that you use the word "we" a lot. That in itself is a good sign. Atleast you and your DH(we) are in the same boat and he finally sees the light. You have his support but unfortunetly might not be able to do anything right now. He has to have the guts to tell his parents and sisters that he cannot provide $$ like before. They might blame any change in him on you. They might back up for a bit and start again with demands. Whatever it is, your dh has to put his foot down with his mom. Meanwhile yoy Just avoid interacting with them as much as you can.

 

Sadlady,

I understand that you have had enough of your in-laws. But you have to now decide what do you want from your marriage. A life of fights, lack of peace or one with peace. After 7 years of hassle, I am sure you must be mentally drained. I would be, too. If you want peace for yourself (the family's peace starts with being at peace with yourself), then don't let anybody's words disturb you. Even if they say bad things about you, does your value as a person reduce? Does your husband respect you any less? Why are you looking for validation from your in-laws. In 99% cases, it does not come. So stop wasting your life on them. Even if your mother-in-law asks her son to send you to India, your husband has not done so. That is a good sign.

Don't keep thinking about all these things. They say that we make it true what we fear. So don't worry too much about anything, money included. Yes, I know you have a son and you need to provide for his future. But you decide at what cost. Just go with life's flow. We hurt ourselves when we try to fight the flow. It is just not worth the effort.