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Mother Wants To (waste) Spend Too Much Money For Religious Ceremony

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by ATI, Oct 21, 2019.

  1. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    About gifts to cousins and aunts and xyz, if she insists, ask her jokingly, "are they sending their lavish gifts with you that she wants expensive sareer for them?"
    And if she says something is custom, tell her you will deal with God your own way.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  2. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Since you are the one coughing up the moolah, how difficult is it to say NO ?
     
    Rihana likes this.
  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    This is her nature, it’s almost impossible to change her now.
    Neither is she going to ’want’ to change just because it’s not sitting well with you.
    N this isn’t gona be the last time she’s going to come up with such demands either.
    First it was your dad, next the hope was pinned on your brother, since he escaped, you are the next in line now.

    What you can do ?
    Only you can change the way you react.
    She May throw a fit because her demands aren’t being met, ah well, life’s tough.

    Say your dh worked out the details. Tell her no need of anything, or blame it on the dh. 10k $ n all way too much for ‘gifting’.

    You give in now, you will be expected to every time. Is she asking for a pay back of your marriage expenses ?
    Your bro was treated as a first class citizen n yet he left them. You were treated differently n with hand me downs n still send them money n help with buying properties n close with them but it never stops rite ? Well, it never will, till YOU say NO.

    Stand your ground if you want any relief from this n continue to say NO even if she asks a million times or try to guilt you.
     
  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Spending money is the correct way?
    Can you put a cost estimate(I am sure you will have an idea of the cost of the items in India or check it online) and give her and say her to buy only those which you have listed?
    Keep giving hints on how the flight tickets are so expensive for the 4 that it's making you cut down on all other expenses.
    Say nice things like their presence is so so important that we shouldn't worry about the distant aunt**..

    Suggest alternative return gift options to your mom like a portrait/idol of God etc etc. You can think of a lot of options based on your budget.

    Also tell how your husband is against spending so much on functions like these. And he's strictly told me to cut down on the expenses. Moms will understand this aspect and don't force the daughters when husband is brought into the picture.

    Saying cash is locked in some sort of investment and you are unable to retrieve that cash at this point of time is also an option.

    **And let me tell u giving this aunt a 10k Saree would make her pass a comment that you are staying abroad and u r spending ONLY 10K on her Saree. Yes that's what aunts do!! The immediate thought would be to convert 10k to $ and say the dollars are less. All aunts can't assess the value of rupee and dollar after all.
     
    Rihana likes this.
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    No need for elaborate explanations to your mom. Say that you have changed your mind and she need not trouble herself. If you are comfortable asking your inlaws to bring the items then do so. Otherwise if you have a trusted friend/relative ask them to buy and have it sent by Indian speed post or Garudavega.
    If that is not an option then look online. You can also talk to your local Indian store or poojari at your local temples about procuring the needed items.
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    It is a vent vonly. She will not change much and you also won't change much in how you deal with her. This is the way things are in many households.

    If you are looking for a way of avoiding the $10K expenses, say you have asked your in-laws to bring the things over. And their estimate is $1000. Ask your mother if she can beat that estimate. : )
     
    Paripoorna and meVaidehi like this.
  7. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree.
    And pit them against each other? You are sneaky and clever. But my Indian saas bahu drama brains says, Imagine the conversation if they travel together and in a plot twist, make a team
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    The thought did cross my mind about the visitors ganging up. : ) But more than that I shudder to think of both sets of parents over.. it is lovely to have them on such occasions, but the drama......

    OP, please to excuse us as we speculate on the issue beyond your vent. : ) I guess this is one more engaging thread you will start and kind of be absent while we park ourselves here for pages.
     
  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Exactly! If both of them are understanding and jovial no problem at all. But if one cannot stand the other couple then :facepalm:
     
  10. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    Gosh tell me about it. Every special occasion is turned into nightmare handling their insecurities and power struggle over how things are done. I envy western culture where the functions are minimal and copy paste.
     

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