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Mother in law not ready to accept her son is married!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Shrirupa, Dec 23, 2011.

  1. Shrirupa

    Shrirupa New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,

    I got married about 6 months ago. What I am seeing since marriage is that my husband is very busy person. So his mother is like his personal assistant. He keeps on telling all the other work to her, but he rarely shares anything with me. She knows everything about his investments, his insurance policies, his bank accounts and his tax details. She does everything for him.

    I think this was all right before he was a bachelor, but now I find this wrong. My husband does not share much details with me. Sometime ago, my mother in law said, "I will have a demat account and I will transfer his shares to my account so that he will not have to pay taxes!" She many times forgets that now her son has got married. She would have thought doing this using my name, isn't it!

    My husband and MIL keep on gossiping about their relatives and all, and I seriously get bored! We live in a one room-kitchen block in Mumbai. Both of them, especially my MIL, forget my existance at home. My husband is so busy that I hardly get private time to talk to him.

    My Mom passed away only 3 months after my marriage. I live 150 km away from my closed ones, except hubby. I feel very lonely!

    Me and my husband love each other. He is in search of a separate and affordable home. I am in search of job. Do you think my problems will be solved after we are successful in getting any of these two?
    And is it right to handle each and every financial thing of a married son?
     
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  2. raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    Be patient. As long as your hubb is loving, no need to worry. Try and build a good rapport with your MIL. Nothing wrong is transferring shares to MIL. Try engaging in some favourite hobbies, till you get a hob. All the best.
     
  3. Vasuma09

    Vasuma09 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi dear,

    I'm very sorry about your huge(mother) loss.

    Dont worry abt these things now you are newly married and your hubby is very caring so why you want to worry unnecessarily , dont stress yourself try to built a good relationship with your mil.

     
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  4. mansimahi

    mansimahi Gold IL'ite

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    Give it time. You are new to the family and it is wrong to expect your DH / MIL to hand over everything to you overnight. Your MIL has been handling things for so many years and both your DH and MIL are habituated to discussing things among themselves. You have to involve yourself whether you are bored or not, you have to make yourself appear interested and slowly they will involve you too.. in their talks and financial discussions. Volunteer to go to the bank and other places yourself... and if they say NO ...then you can say you are bored at home and would like to do things to help them.
    As long as they are not deliberately excluding you, there is nothing for you to worry...
     
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  5. GodIsOne

    GodIsOne Gold IL'ite

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    Here is the deal sweety...

    Mothers raise daughters knowing that she will go to another family and will be a part of that family. So it is easier for them to let go off them to a certain extend but then it is not the same with Sons. This is something your MIL is used to and expecting her to let go off everything that she was holding close to heart within 6 months is not correct. All MILs look at DILs as a threat, I would say just let her do whatever she was doing as it will only make the situation worse if you try to takeover.

    Look at it in this angle. You might have some free time in hand now but then when you have kids it will be a totally different story. It will be too overwhelming to takecare of a kid and also do also his financial stuffs. So let her take care of it and make her understand that you are absolutely not a threat to her relationship with her son. She will come around.

    I am new to writing here and I am sorry if I had offended you or anyone. :)
     
  6. Shrirupa

    Shrirupa New IL'ite

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    Hello Everyone,

    Thanks for your replies! They helped me a lot!

    Me, my DH and MIL live in a 1RK 220 sq.ft. flat. We sleep together everyday as there is lack of space. Me and my DH are looking for a new home.

    In January, all three of us had gone to Karwar to have darshan of our family goddess. We otherwise do not get privacy in Mumbai. So actually I did not want my MIL to accompany us in Karwar, as it has been long for our honeymoon. But I did not complain when she came with us. When we arrived in Karwar, my husband went to book a single room, just to respect his mother. But the lady did not object at all, and finally there also we all stayed and slept together! When I complained to my husband, he said, it is not her mental capacity to understand.

    I know it is going to end somewhere as me and my husband are also looking for a new home for us, but I lose my temper in such situations!

    I don't blame her sleeping at home as it is unavoidable, but is it right for a mother to stay and sleep with her son and DIL in a hotel?? Was my husband's behaviour right at that time?
     
  7. bukbuk

    bukbuk Silver IL'ite

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    Sorry about your mum's passing.

    Whatever the justification is, I don't think your mil and h are correct. I would expect the guy to get at least a 1 bhk flat before getting married. Sharing their financial information with you can happen over the time (mil can have the satisfaction of you know, having the same relationship she had with her bachelor son for some more time), I think you should be a bit patient about that, but then sharing the room with mil is ridiculous. Pardon me, but I honestly don't know how you guys can get intimate with mil snoring in the same room.

    Just refuse to have *** with your h by saying you are not comfortable with mil around. (to me it doesn't seem like an excuse but a very genuine problem). Let him get a 1 bhk flat where you can all shift.
     
  8. indianinbayarea

    indianinbayarea New IL'ite

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    Hi God is one

    I agree with you..But MIL look at DIL not as threat but as someone with whom the son will share the love. But MIL fail to understand that the relation between Mom-Son is different than a husband-wife. Mothers always look at the son/daughers as if they are still small no matter how big they are. For them they still need to be pampered etc.

    Give it some time. Try to build a good rapport with MIL and hubby too. I am sure as time goes on, everything will fall in place
     
  9. indianinbayarea

    indianinbayarea New IL'ite

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    Yes he was wrong. I think he should have got another room for her and you and hubby should have had your own private room. I think he should have taken the opportunity to have some alone time with you

    But I feel as days goes by he will give you more time and I am sure things will work out just fine.
     
  10. shilpases

    shilpases Senior IL'ite

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    I know that it can be really hard for you ...especially with sleeping in the same room and stuff... but once you get a job and move to a bigger place then may be you wont have the time to think about financial stuff and you will be glad that there is someone to do it for you. You can suggest to Mil saying that teach me the stuff too so you can learn to do it for you too when you get a job and start working. she might find it hard to give up things that she has been doing for so long so just try and be very nice and tell her that you too want to learn. it is kind for early. Do give it some time... things will get better :)
     

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