Mother in law controlling husband

hi prabhjot..
i want u to tell everything to ur parents....and if ur husband doesnt understand in that way also....then divorce him..no need to live with this kind of person....
all the best

 

Girl, please follow the advices given by chocolate.Blast them and get back your entire money and throw them in the jail.Don't even think of sticking to your marriage.

 

Hi Prabhjott,
I can't believe that you are raised in US. How could you bear all this stress till now? There is no worth living with such a person who has no love or emotions towards you and your son.
If you still want to save your marriage with any hope in you it's better to discuss with him what you are undergoing through. I am not sure that he will understand as you as he is not even bothering to share the money issues with you considering you as an outsider. In that case it's better to reveal everything to your parents and if you still hope any change, make him go for a conselling and if any of these doesn't work just file DV. Please get rid of him as early as possible as he seems to be a stubborn personality without any emotions towards you and your son.

Regards,
Latha.

 

Can't imagine why there are so many marriages in such deep, murky waters. Seriously, there should be some legislation forcing all individuals considering marriage to go to some pre-marital counselling course for a certain period of time. No one should be allowed to marry before they are certified to be fit. (No certificate, marriage will not be registered). Might sound absurd or extreme, but what other way of ensuring that youngsters know their responsibilities and what they are getting into before they actually take the step?

 

Ur husband and inlaws are using u.. I agree with chocolate, he married u only for immigration. Report domestic violence on him n see if u can stop him from becoming US citizen and try to get his conditional green card cancelled before its too late. Also file a dowry harrassement case against them in India n try to recover ur money. This man clearly doesn't love u and he is not a good influence on ur son. Do u want ur son to grow up seeing his father and paternal grandparents behaving like money hounds n not treating u with dignity? it could have a bad impact on him.. so pls get out of this hopeless marriage asap

 

I have said in every such issues raised in this forum that the order of priority in a marriage should be 1) Wife, 2) children and 3) Extended family in that order. Your husband does not seem to have any sense to take care of his own family leave alone protecting it. If I were you, I would tell him today that he is not worth your love and your son's love. If he does not start taking care of you and your son both financially and otherwise starting tomorrow, he is out of the house and out of your life. Give him 24 hours to make that decision. If he does not, throw him out of his house. Do whatever is necessary to file a) Domestic violence case against your husband, b) harassment case against your inlaws, c) case for steeling the property that rightfully belong to you against your inlaws, d) reckless endangerment to your child's life against your husband, e) divorce against your husband under the grounds that he does not financially support you and your son as well as not showing love to either one of you and f) find out the status of his immigration process and try to stop it as you intent to break the marriage. If I were you, I will have a lawyer send all these cases to him in writing so that he understands where he stands. I would think 100 times before accepting him back if I were you, once he says know to your question to take care of you and your son. Let him request you at least 10 times before you really take him back.

You are really a very patient person and you should know how to differentiate between patience and righteousness. To a certain extent, you had hurt your son as well by yielding to their pressure and not properly providing nutrition to your body when you were pregnant. You have to feel bad for that as well.

Viswa

 

That could be your point of view Mr.V ..they need not be everyone elses and there is no universal law of the land that states this to be true.
Life is all about balance and some people hard as it may seem do know how to make their spouse,child , parents and siblings( and in no specific order of ranking)
all fit into their inner circle .

PS: I have nothing but contempt for the way OPs Husband and inlaws have treated her.

 

Ms J,

I respectfully remind you that I never said it is the universal law of the land nor I said it should be everyone's point of view. I have expressed my opinion in response to a question from OP like everyone else. She is not obligated to accept it nor any other viewers/readers. I have nothing but sympathy for OP like everyone else except that I wanted to emphasize the responsibility on her part to provide proper nutrition to that child when she was pregnant. That is all.

I believe in this forum everyone is entitled to provide their opinion and that is what is expected by IL as well as OP. If everyone will have to agree with each others opinion, this won't be a discussion thread with multiple opinions.

 

Hi Prabhjott,

Reading your post, I feel that you want to live through this marriage. You've lived through years of abuse, physical, mental, sexual, had a pregnancy jeopardized, financially had difficulties, and this is the most "stable" part of your marriage. Am I correct?

I won't say that I agree with you, but it is indeed your decision.

If you feel so, then you need to realize first and foremost that what happened uptil now was indeed abuse and should NEVER happen again. No second chances. He can NEVER raise his hand on you (and he won't given this is the US and YOU are protected). Secondly, once you know this in your mind, never ever go to India. You will be vulnerable there. Did his family hit you too?

I want to ask you a question, how is his family financially? Men themselves have needs (yours certainly has, and he's made it clear)....why would he not want to enjoy his money here? Does he send everything to India, and if so, what is the desperate need of his family that makes him do so? Men like eating out, he sounds like he may like to drink....whatever his interests are, I'm sure he keeps some of his money with himself....perhaps he just doesn't want to share with you? Try to get this information, and be smart about it.

I would start by saying that he sends half his check to India, and save the other half here. He doesn't have to spend it, but put it in a savings account for your son's college eduation. So that when he grows up, he can get the education he wants. If your husband says no to this, there is seriously a problem. And you know it. If the man has an inch of conscience he will not jeopardize his son's future. This maybe your best bet at starting to draw him in closer to yourself and your baby.

 

Dear OP,
Hugs to you.
Even if you do not want to divorce him, go for a temporary seperation for 6 months and warn him that if he disturbes you, you will either call the police / go for a divorce or both. He is selfish and extremely cunning and hence he will try to show some fake repentance. So this temp seperation plan is not to be debated. Put your foot down.

Either go and stay with your parents or rent a one bedroom apt and stay for 6 months. Do not give him a penny during that period. This is very important. If the lease or utilities are in your name, change them to his name before you walk out. Not necessary to get his permission. Let that baby grow up a little.

I am not against sons / daughters sending money to parents. But sending the entire salary month after month is not correct. They expect to live in India in American salary.

If he loves you and misses you, he will change.

Use that time to compare your life alone and with him. Do you miss him / still love him or do you feel more peaceful alone. That is your call.

You have mentioned that you grew up in US. So probably you were told repeatedly about how the glorious Indian marriages are built to last or something like that. If this is true, please make sure you set this aside and decide on what is best for you and your son. As far as I have seen, Indian marriages seem to have more abuses within 4 walls. It is all an image.


Your husband seems to be a bully who has married you for your money, sex and immigration.
Actually when you start putting your foot down,your marriage might improve.