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Mother in law controlling husband

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by prabhjott, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. prabhjott

    prabhjott New IL'ite

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    hi

    i been married for three years and have 2 year old son. i was raised in US and my husband recently came from india. Me and my H are both working and have 2 year old son. My inlaws are in India, My husband is sending all his salary to his parents. I am running my house with my money. If i ask him why does he do this, he says none of my business.
    My inlaws have a joint family of four brothers ( all married, drugies, drunkards and have kids) When i was newly married(in India) i was told that MIL keeps all the money, so she had taken all the money that i had given by my parents and she never returned it back. I got pregnant right after my marriage. I was living in a small bedroom/livingroom where any body could walk in anytime. my personal clothing closet was kept in the front yard so everybody could enjoy what i keep in and taking out of it, even my undergarments i asked for different bedroom to my husband , he told to his mom, her reply was that i been married for two days only and already talking about home partison .10 days later they told me i should get up 5.30 in the morning, take bath with cold water and make breakfast for all 15 people. after that i should mop the house and i kept doing it. In the noons my FIL come home and rested in the living/bedroom. None of my H's SIL asked my to share their room for temprary rest so i had no where to rest all day.
    my husband wanted to have sex everyday, so we had the room available from 11 pm to 5. 30 am. after sex we slept at 1 am and my husband used to keep me naked all night and in the morning my FIL used to come in bedroom without warning.
    Even the food was kept locked ans i was not allowed to eat without permission. Only three meals in a day were given. No fruits, no milk nothing
    else.
    I already mentioned that i was pregnant and i had lost weight instead of putting on. They took me to Doctor only twice in six months. I had already all the signs of complicated pregnancy and delivery.
    i was fighting with my husband all that time but he said thats how things go in his house and none of his SIL had any problems when they had their kids.if i have some issues then that is not his and his family's problem( these words were came from his mom, my H doesn't use his own mind)
    They had taken my Passport, money, jewelry and all other important documents, I didn't have any place to keep them either.

    I was begging them to send me back to US, but they said i cant go without my husband.(Immigration process was taking time)I tried to tell my parents but never had privacy to talk.
    Luckily one of my relatives visited me and saw my condition ( I was pale, weak, and in rags)
    They told my parents in US ,then my dad talk to my FIL and said if they don't send me back now then my air ticket will get expired and they will have to buy new ticket. After that he agreed to send me back.

    My son was born 2 months early and was only three pounds.

    Since the day my H came to US, he was beating me up every other day. I been tolerating all that just to save my marriage. Finally i called Cops after two years and he stopped raising hands on me.

    They never gave a single penny to me and my son in those three years, even when i buy toys and cloths for our son, is a big waste for my inlaws. Thay always tell my husband to save money and send to them.

    now we are living OK but how can i stop him sending his salary to his parents.
     
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  2. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Being born and brought up in US, I do not understand why did you put up with him, even in India most MILs do not treat DILs the way your H does. As far as money is concerned it is up to you as how much you can tolerate your husband, if he does not help domestically or financially what is the use of having a spouse.
     
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  3. hemalathaK

    hemalathaK Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with billybob .If he is not ready to give any money to run the house, then just ask him to get out of your house.idiot.

    I really wonder how did you tolerate everything.Either you say that you are not going to work anymore and he has to run the house and take care of the kid's and household needs.Shame of men.I really hate these kind of men who are absolutely brainless.
     
  4. Anikha

    Anikha Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Prabhjott,

    You need to be smart lady, You are raised in U.S. You have parents in U.S. right ? Didn't you discuss with them ,
    how safe you think your future will be , if you spend all your earnings . You need to have a bank account with out your H , as joint.

    1. Tell him you pay rent 50 % only, rest is on his head.
    2. You tell him , if you call cops one more time, they will hold his passport .
    3. I don't think you could stop him from sending money, at least save yours for tough times , just in case.
    ( as I have seen so many Indian men sending M , to India)
     
  5. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Prabhjott, The zest of your entire post is just 2 words. Get Out while you can. Your husband and your in laws seem to be only interested in him getting immigration. Your husband is the bigggest culprit in all this. He shud be taken to task. All along it shows how irresponsible he is. You shud not be worrying about him sending his salary to his parents. But worried about your son and your safety.

    I dont see your husband showing any concern or love towards you. At this point your marriage is beyond thinking about saving. You cant change your husband. Period. He is least interested in this marriage according to your post. All I can say is cut your losses and be done with it.

    Marriage needs 2 people. He is freeloading off you and filling his parents pockets. Coming to your in laws , they are very mean and not to mention greedy people. Your husband was only interested in satisfying his needs( sorry for the language). You shud have called your parents long time ago and blasted your in laws and husband.All is not lost.

    I strongly suggest you file DV case against your husband. He shudnt be doing what he is doing now. He is not showing responsibility towards you or your son. What sort of marriage will it be?File a DV case . With second time, please disclose all this to the cops. Some marriages are beyond saving and you shud be thinking about your son and you and not about your marriage. Its beyond repair. Get a fresh start.

    I also feel you need to file a DV case against your in laws. They have harrassed you beyond limit.Think about all this.Your in laws will of course be happy with getting your husband;s entire pay. It will be a huge amount. Why will they rock the boat? No in laws ever do even if DIL is drowning in her tears and their grandchildren are suffering too.

    You need to also get back what money your parents gave you from your MIL. First of all that was a mistake of your parents. That money shud have been given to you or put in a bank account in your name.All your in laws are ruthless and heartless people. That includes your husband too. Do you really want to save this marriage. Please dont. You have a job and a son who needs you. Have a talk with your parents and get out while you can. Meanwhile file DV both in India and here against your in laws and husband. This calls for it. Good Luck.
     
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  6. RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

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    The man made your life hell and you still stuck with him.His parents are definitely going to rott in hell.but lady..what was wrong with you.Today you are coming up with such a small isuue about money.How did you survive all this time ?

    Treating a pregnent lady like this which led to a pre-term baby.Does your H realise this or he is still oblivious of all this.
    He is not fit to be your H..what will you do with his money..Off load yourself from him first.If you still want to carry on with him,then let us know that you are 100 % sure of it and then maybe we can give you advice pof stopping him from sending money to india.
     
  7. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    For that matter, he is not fit to be anyone's husband.
     
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  8. lali31

    lali31 Senior IL'ite

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    Seriously feeling very bad after hearing your story prabh.Better get out of this marriage and live without these tensions.If you are taking a decision to move away from your H Please do that little early.(ie) before your kid understands things.Your pathetic married life should not affect him.
     
  9. poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    hey..hope you are feeling much better now...first,take care of your health,nothing comes above it..not even your son...since you are working,i believe you can live independantly,without a scum bag at home..as it is you are already paying the rent n bills for all the home expenses,better you have peace at home with just you and your son...i can only say is apply for DIVORCE..yes,dont evn think any other solution for this..a man who cannot protect the honour of his wife(regarding no privacy when getting intimate) is not worthy to be invested in...he is not a man in any sense..worthless,useless,spineless being...as chocolate said,i believe,that he is using you for immigration..but thn again even if he is not using for immigration he is just not worth to waste your time,your only life and emotions into...last but not leas he is a physical abuser..well,this just says it all...and its like the final nail in the coffin...kick him out of the house ASAP...lead a happy and peaceful life with ur DS...think about remarriage whenever you think you are ready for it...even in india dils are not being treated like you have been...last line would be...get a good riddance to bad luggae..all the best!
     
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  10. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    OMG!! I can't believe you are raised in U.S. and your parents married you in this kind of family? Your parents didn't enquire anything what kind of living condition their dauthter will get after marriage? I don't understand in today's world still indian parents are marrying daughters like this? This is unbelievable......After suffering so much, when you came back to your parents why did you allow this man to come to U.S.?
     

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