1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Mother And Mother-in-law

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jayasala42, May 13, 2018.

  1. jayasala42

    jayasala42 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    4,175
    Likes Received:
    8,448
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Today is Mothers' Day.Mother is a mother-in-law too.
    On Mothers' Day I can't but think about mother-in-law.

    Look at a house, decorated with festoons, pandal with plantain trees on either side with cluster of

    bananas ,indicating an auspicious event.

    Vidya’s house was full of festivities for the past fifteen days.The long expected

    dreamy gala wedding is over.The hitherto jubilant bride is perturbed much, as she

    is getting ready to step into her mother-in-law’s house,as if to face a lion in its den.


    In many of the Indian families girls would like to get married in a home

    without mother-in-law. Is mother-in-law such a dreadful person?

    Almost every mother of a boy is being awarded a ‘life time achievement

    Award’ and a grand title” MOTHER-IN-LAW”,an anagram of ‘WOMAN

    HITLER’,a personification of horror and torture.This award comes to one and all without craving for

    it.On a closer observation mother-in-law( I mean, mother-in-law of a girl) seems to suffer from

    various syndromes


    1)S. M.S.( son’s mother syndrome))

    Mother-in-law,in Indian dictionary perhaps refers to husband’s mother only.

    In an essentially male dominant society, the boy’s mother reigned supreme and

    held sway over the entire house.She was an unquestionable monarch till date.

    With the new beautiful virus namely,the daughter-in-law permeating through

    her entire nervous system,she started bouncing on her daughter-in-law for the

    slightest offence, real or mostly, imaginary, for fear of losing control over her proud

    possession,her son. The atrocities committed on daughter-in-law continue,though in a

    diminished ratio.


    2)NV Syndrome(Envy Syndrome)


    There was a turning point to this drama around 1960,when women started

    getting employed.,Mothers-in-law who had since been bosses, seemed to

    be losing grounds.They were relegated to the secondary role of cooks and

    baby sitters and were soon afflicted by ‘NV Syndrome’ caused by envy

    towards their young, intelligent,employed daughters-in-law.


    3)’108’ syndrome

    The all supreme mother-in-law was just thrown from pillar to post and she

    had to be just like an’ ambulance’ ready to move and help her sons and

    daughters whenever and wherever required, unmindful of her age related

    problems.


    4)S.C. Syndrome(Single-child syndrome)

    Now the daughter-in-law is conferred with the grand title of mother-in-law.

    With her only son in US /UK, she suffers from a unique enviable syndrome

    called S.C. syndrome invoving frequent long air travels and consequent

    problems and very often winning the jealous glances from her own kith and kin.

    Single child norm which had hitherto been considered a blessing, turned out to be a

    curse to both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.The former has no where else to go

    and the latter feels deprived of her privacy for ever.


    5)S.in.S. Syndrome( Suffer in Silence syndrome)

    This is the most severe disorder faced by almost all the modern mothers-in-law..They try their best

    to wipe off all the accusations heaped on the earlier generation of mothers-in-law by proving

    themselves as sweet,soft ‘ideal mothers-in-law’ of the highest order.But alas! Their efforts bear no

    fruits.

    In good old days the mother-in-law who had to face some transgression of

    traditional values or some minor lapse or indisciplined behaviour from her daughter-in-law could

    express her grievance aloud and ventilate her feelings.

    But the plight of the present generation mothers-in-law is really pitiable.They

    suffer in silence tolerating the occasional non-vegetarian food at home for which

    they have total aversion, ,haphazard office schedules of the in mates,untimely meals,some

    unethical behaviour of grandchildren, begging for ‘lift’ obligation for occasional shopping, struggling

    to come out of the entangled web of the computer

    ( and of the family too),hiding their physical ailments for fear of huge

    medical bills,frequent tensed murmur from their highly professional daughters-in-law . The plight of

    father-in-law is no way different,though it is not talked about often.


    On one hand there is a mother-in-law, Woman-Hitler, a torture personification,on the other hand is

    the most versatile mother-in-law ,a silent spectator under the false shield of’respect for

    privacy,unable to intervene even when really objectionable things do occur in the family.In many

    houses there is apparent peace,since the two in-laws occasionally meet,have a guest-host ‘hello’

    relationship and part with as journey friends.

    Dear mothers-in-law, why don’t you realise that there is a midpath between ‘too noisy’ and ‘too

    silent’?Why don’t you, as matured ladies share your thoughts without much intruding into privacy?

    Dear daughters-in-law, You will be the award winner soon. Why do you deprive yourself of the

    benefits of the knowledge and rich experience of your wonderful mother-in-law?Some amount of

    privacy is worth sacrificing for preserving high values.Healthy noise is better than crematorial silence.

    Is it an in-built rivalry?Is such a congenial relationship an unrealisable dream?

    Will it remain a perennial conflict of yesterday-today and tomorrow?

    Decision lies with you,women!Think and Act.

    Personally for myself, I had the good fortune of having a great mother-in-law of the highest order,

    the like of which it is rare to see.She was more than a mother to me.She had a high regard for

    educated women and used to give a respectable place to the vadhoo of the house.She never

    hesitated to seek my opinion on important occasions and ego had never been an issue among us.I

    consider the 32 years ,I lived with her as a golden period.She demonstrated how to be a mother to a

    daughter-in-law.Pranaams to my dear mother-Mother-in-law.

    Jayasala42
     
    Loading...

  2. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,971
    Likes Received:
    2,985
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    My eyes were moisten...today both of them will gt a call.
    Thanks for such wonderful write up.


    BOOK-marked for times ahead !
     
    sindmani likes this.
  3. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,211
    Likes Received:
    1,710
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Jayasala maam,
    Your perfect analysis of the current situation on mothers in law made wonderful reading! Shows all the wisdom and experience behind it as in all your posts. This relationship of a MIL/DIL as has been discussed time and again in all the relationship columns, is clearly a two way street. It is where both are willing and even wanting to have a great bond, that things can work out. And, even when both may be OK, there is the involvement of two different familiies and their opinions etc, which therefore makes the relationship a very tricky one and very delicately placed, which can be upsetted very easily by so many factors.
    It is often seen that only where distances are maintained and theres not much interaction on day to day basis, the relationship between MIL/DIL is Ok.
    On this mother's day let us hope for more coperation and understanding on both sides for a great relationship.
     
    Thyagarajan and sindmani like this.
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,952
    Likes Received:
    3,702
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    Wow nicely written !
     
  5. jayasala42

    jayasala42 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    4,175
    Likes Received:
    8,448
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank youShravs3
    jayasala42
     
  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    4,175
    Likes Received:
    8,448
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you Ashima 10
    Jayasala42
     
  7. jayasala42

    jayasala42 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    4,175
    Likes Received:
    8,448
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female

    Dear Joylokhi,
    Thank you for the wonderful response.You have talked about the practical side.Yes, the congenial atmosphere does not merely depend on MIL and DIL .but on other multiple factors and surrounding relations. Relatives who do not normally take part in any event, stand foremost to instigate some rumour and things turn topsy turvy.
    As a result many elders have come to a definite conclusion that the'hello relationship without any tinge of emotion and affection is far better than facing the hurdles in establishing a strong bond.There seems to a philosophical tinge.
    However we are in the evening of our lives.Let us continue to be water on lotus leaf.
    Whether this attitude is good or not,that is the reality.
    'Keep every one arm's length' is a scholarly advice-that applies not only to MIL and DIL but to parents, siblings and to our own children.

    Jayasala 42
     
  8. Agatha83

    Agatha83 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,050
    Likes Received:
    1,852
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Jayasala,


    What a wonderful write up on mother’s day. In my opinion,be it the mother or mil, if they pull down or insult their grown up kid’s looks, dress or behavior, It is sure going to bring a huge gap in relationships between them. MOm or MIl, be there for your kids only when asked for, be it your presence or advice..A big cheer for all the mothers and MILs who have maintained their self respect and dignity , without intruding their children’s life!

    Agatha83
     
    sindmani, paru123 and Thyagarajan like this.
  9. jayasala42

    jayasala42 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    4,175
    Likes Received:
    8,448
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you Agatha,
    many of us have become and MIls also.Let us have the vivekam to live and let live.

    Jayasala 42
     
  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    3,284
    Likes Received:
    3,643
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello:As always I studied with profound interest your wonderful analysis bespeaking your ripe experience in sieving and settling matter of love and hate between DIL/MIL that began from time immemorial.

    2.The moment girl turns bride-in-waiting, the macabre feeling starts for the bride and to some extent to her parents about the reception that her darling parrot would have for the rest of her life with WOMAN HITLER /mil.

    3. A course in I AM OK YOU ARE OK (By Thomas Harry) and understanding Child-Adult-Parent reaction/relation would go a long way in improving healthy mil/DIL relationship.
    Thanks.
    Regards
    God Bless Us All Always.
     
    sindmani and messedup like this.

Share This Page