Moonwatching For Men's Sake

The internet search engines are sure funny. Take Google for instance. You google for some info and you get something else. Today I was googling for something not even remotely connected to religion or festivals but Google in its wisdom thought it had to pass me an important piece of info. “KARWA CHAUTH ON OCTOBER 8 SUNDAY” I was told by the wise search engine


That was confusing. My wife does not observe this daylong fast for my long life and I am grateful to her for it considering the plight lot of guys I know when their DWs decide to fast for their hubbys’ long life. But we will come to that later. Why the hell did Google sought to inform me of the fest’s date? Well Google is like God (If there is a God). Like the Guy Upstairs it does lot of crazy, irrational things that can’t be explained .


It is not that Karwa Chauth has not impacted my life. I can feel it in the air the day before when I visit a market near my place. You can’t drive into the market’s narrow road without running over a mehandiwali or two or those ladies waiting for their hands to be hennaed (If the ladies come under the car their wish for their DH’s long life would be fulfilled. At least then the husbands would have a longer life than their wives).



And if the mehndiwalis don’t get killed by speeding cars they make a killing. It is the time of the year for them to bleed their customers white for hennaed hands are a must for Karwa Chauth. “Do they think I am married to Bill Gates , Warren Buffet or Mukesh Ambani. ?” a neighbour complained bitterly.”They are asking for the moon” . Come on they have to make hay while the sun shines.


Sun? Nope here the hero is the moon. The dear ladies stuff themselves up to their gills before sunlight and don’t touch food or water until they watch the moon through a sieve .And they do this after applying garish make-up that gives the impression that they walked straight out of a vampire movie and reinforce that impression by wearing clothes that remind you of the vampires’ favourite tipple, clothes that should make fashion police burst a blood vessel or two. Before looking at the moon, they gather together as they do during a kitty party and keep gossiping and giggling at the above mentioned party.


After they moon over the moon through the sieve , they look at the DH through it. And thy break the fast with water offered by the Lord and Master.. This is followed by pouncing on food like a beloved seen after eons.


Nowadays Karwa Chauth is going modern, Gift shops near my place are selling cards with greetings like HAPPY HUSBAND’S DAY” Ironic because of a macabre twist in the observance of the fast nowadays This I realized to my horror when I landed at an acquaintance’s place that day. I chanced upon the poor guy holding his stomach and groaning.


”Mice are running around in my stomach” he replied. When I asked him what was wrong with him. Going by the rumbling sounds they were probably bandicoots not mice. It turned out that his wife had forced him to go on a solidarity fast for her Karwa Chauth fast. ‘ I AM STARVING FOR YOUR LONG LIFE AND YOU HAVE NO CONSIDERATION FOR ME!!!!!” she snarled and the poor guy had no choice but to stay away from food and drink. Looks like this solidarity fast is becoming a trend these days. Hope the husbabds are not fasting for a shorter life span for their wives.


Another trend is clubs hold (at least mine does) Karwa Chauth Queen contests where they ask silly questions like “What does sola singar mean?”. Sola for Hindi challenged is sixteen. It actually means 16 steps of decking up for the ladies to look like Dracula’s consorts on the “auspicious” occasion.


Not only Karwa Chauth in many parts of the country rituals are held to prolong the DH’s life. I Down south they have a ritual called Savitri Vratham. I love this because theyu make a steamed sweet dish that is heavenly when consumed with dollops of butter.


But do these rituals prolong men’s life? According to a UN study , Japanese men have the longest life span followed by Switzerland. As far as I know, they don’t fast on Karwa Chauth there. We are in number 146 when it comes to life expectancy. Looks like our ladies aren’t trying hard enough.


When I hurled the UN figures at a staunch Karwa Chauth devotee she said :” Oh thank God, but for Karwa Chauth we would be at number 200 or something.”


I just gave up

 

Naari why don't you ask your DH to fast too so that your love for him shoots up exponentially?

 

In Tamil Nadu both Varalakshmi Vratham and Karadian Nonbu, otherwise known as Savitri Vratham are observed. But I don't understand the seven births bit. Why do they want the same guy for seven births? Wouldn't that be boring to look lifelong at the same guy even iff he has a different face in the next birth? And if there is rebirth at all, what if he is brn human and you are born , say a cockoach?,