1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

money issues

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by harryboy1234, Dec 2, 2011.

  1. harryboy1234

    harryboy1234 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    we have been married for more than a year. my wife has issues sharing her salary with me. When we got married, i expected her to share her salary.i did want to give her a pocket money for some financial freedom .But i expected her to come up as a team partner and share her money.i found this lacking.She says no woman does it.Initially i tried to be liberal.she earns 36 k p.m plus a variable bonus every 3 months. so for first 6 months she didnt share a single penny.then
    when i asked she should make some contribution. it went to 10 thousand.then on insisting to 15 and now 30 thousand.
    .initially i never did any accounting. but later i felt there were big holes in expenditure .i could not account for lot of expenditure. i started accounting and now i can count every rupee.before marriage she spent a lot on her family .i suspect there are still some linkages.
    She manages all this via a seperate bank account.she hides any bonuses or increments from me.
    Now i feel i want cut all the financial links.i have asked her to close this bank account. she is fighting tooth and nail for this.
    but i feel she should be open to to common family
    ( me and her) income pool and take an allowance of 5k every month but with no seperate account.her reluctance and my insistence is making it bad.
     
    Loading...

  2. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    590
    Likes Received:
    190
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    all i hear is you wanting money frm her for you! does she question your salary??? what if tomorrow she loses her job?? are you still going to expect her to come up with money?

    she can have a separate account if she wnts. create a jnt acct where you will put money for common expenses. and some moeny for future savings. rest she can use it for herself.

    why is it a problem if she helps her parents? wouldnt you do the same?
     
    4 people like this.
  3. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,027
    Likes Received:
    440
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    yes, y do u depend/ expect her salary in d first place? do u have any commitments such as house loan r something? then pls sit n put a plan... n work out things...

    legally, she doesnt have any duty to give u money... its ur responsibility...to take care of her...
     
  4. harryboy1234

    harryboy1234 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    my problem is not with giving money to parents.
    i dont like secrecy in a marriage.
    i want things to be open.if i support my parents i will do openly , i expect same from her.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2011
  5. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    590
    Likes Received:
    190
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Harry - That is a good attitude. Even I dont like secrecy. If you do it, do it in the open.

    Perhaps shes scared that you will object if the amount is big? Since you have been fighting with her on money issues, shes feeling insecure to share her earnings with you. And also you are newly married. These things take time to build. bottom line - she needs to trust you that you will not hinder her from helping her family.

    also, she may not be knowing you too well. she may be thinking what will happen if you takeall the money and then she will be left with nothing? these things do happen frequently now.

    Instead of fighting over money, create a joint acct and put common expense money there. you can both decide on what that money would be. 2 - create a joint savings accct and each of you put money in there.
    Do not question about remaining money, but just request her to keep you in the loop. you can request and not force (coz shes gonna do it w/o your knowledge anyway if you force). In time when she sees that you have no objections towards helping her family, you will notice the change.

    but you will never be able to keep track of all her earnings - trust me - and you will only be agonizing yourself. there are always ways to hide your salary -

    also let her know that you dont care what she does with her money, but for a rainy day if you both need it and its not there, then it is going to be a problem with you.
     
  6. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    672
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    you ask for her money and then give her pocket money?i think she would not have liked this idea.Talk with her.Talk about all monthly expenses which you were tracking and tell her how much you can contribute and how much she needs to.IF she gets a clear picture she will surely help you.Helping her family after marriage is not a crime.If you can spend for your family so can she be for her family.Accept her as your equal partner.
     
  7. cj1980

    cj1980 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    794
    Likes Received:
    597
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Pocket money of 5k for a woman who is earning around 40k a month?! C'mon now! I am all for financial transparency in a marriage, but it appears that you are putting rules, such as "pocket money", "close separate account", "cut all financial links because you suspect she is giving to her family"...let me ask you this, will all this go down well with you if you were asked to do the same?

    You have not indicated if you have any financial crisis and if your wife's expenditure is creating a serious dent in your monthly income, plans for saving, and so on. If that is the case, I suggest you sit down together and discuss your collective incomes, outgoing expenditure, savings plan, etc in a transparent manner. DO NOT lay down any rules and conditions at this stage! Work out a financial plan and try to arrive at a workable agreement that will meet both your needs.

    There is absolutely no need for your wife to close her bank account! I suggest you open one joint bank account and transfer the agreed-upon amount each month to this account. For example, both of you can agree to pool in 60%-70% of your incomes to this account to fulfill your financial plan. Whatever remains can be used for personal expenses.

    Again, while financial transparency is important in a marriage, you have to learn to say NO to micro-managing and trying to find out EVERY single income and expense of your spouse. That will make her resentful and push her towards hiding things from you. Just give her some space coz it is her hard-earned money and she has a right to decide how much to spend and on whom to spend it on. Specifically, don't try to find out exactly how much she is giving to her family. As long as it is not an unreasonable amount that eats into your savings or finances, I don't think you should worry about it.

    Hope that helps!
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,027
    Likes Received:
    440
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    sit and talk to her... tell what u expect and ask hers too... good luck...
     
  9. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    694
    Likes Received:
    246
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    as you said she is earning 36 k earlier she gave 10 then 15 n now 30 it means oly 6k is being left with her then what is your problem man...this is the reason that you are keeping a chk on her income which is known to you.youare trying to snatchaway all her income so she is hiding her bonus so that that is secured from your eyes.
    n tell me one thing are you of the kind who tell your wife about each n every penny you earn n spend.where when n how?
    t has just been a yr of your marriage it will take some time to change the priorities n habbits.she wud have been spending her salary earlier(prior to marriage)n her own way..so it is a major change.
    Take some peaceful time sit with her n try to explain things like you both n your future for which you want to save.she will understand.make a try...

    best of luck
     
  10. shruthisp

    shruthisp Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    463
    Likes Received:
    252
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Pity your wife...
    I dont understand y u r so insecured abt her salary and savings..
    She is working and earning.. She has all rights over her earning...
    What were u agreement on both ur salaries during engagement period? Did she agreed to give away everything and was ready to accept pocket money? R u chaging ur stand on this after marriage?
    Looks like she is a sensible woman who wants to contribute to your family(U and her) and also want to support her family to an extend. There is nothing wrong in having savings account for herself...
    U insited her for more contribution(6K has gone to 30K) and got it and in the way would surely lost her confidence and trust on u..
    Y cant she be Suspicious that tommorrow u will limit her so called pocket money from 5K(person earning 36K gets 5K) to 1K stating that u satisfy all her necessaities.
    U seem to be controlling... And control never works well with any good relationship...
    U need to be understading and not to be controlling.. The more you earn your trust the more transperant things will become...
     
    2 people like this.

Share This Page