Mommas Boy Problems

kenny · Mar 30, 2018

hi all!
i have been married for a decade now...and have had my share of problems with an overtly possessive mil and a mommas boy son(my husb).I have gone through practically everything...gathered strength and stood straight..
now i have a 5 year old too..over the years dh became better but past almost 5-6 months he is again the same old lil boy to his mom...he would keep sitting in his moms room and come to our room when he has to just sleep...
His mom always creates rifts between us and will always bring out my neagtives to hi...with me being ignorant about what is going on,,,but i see a basic change in his behaviour...
i am sick and tiredof it...as a result...me and my daughter and most of the times in my room and husb with his mom...Dont know what he wants in life...
i am really tired of her manipulations and of course husbands childish attitude...Why cant he grow up and see things rationally...
I just want to be sane...and want some peace of mind...but i keep cribbing deep inside and i feel unloved...the only person who loves me is my daughter.i feel sad and not happy at all....
Imagine he would even ask his office stuff to his mom,i mean he is on a senior level but takes suggestions about certain office stuff from his dear mom who has never worked all he life...
I still dont know anything about his accounts....neither he shares...rather hides stuff...dont knw fr what reason...i have restarted work cos i had a major healtth illness 2 years back...so i have started 5-6 months back but im earning very less to the amount he does...so i save accordingly in my acounts...
but i fee sad seeing all this....that he still has trust issues or what??
he is never transparent...
His mom accompanies to any outing we go to...as a result i dont feeel like going anywhere wih them...
i wanted a healthy happy environment at home...but it is the contrary...im too sad...dont knw what to do..
want to be happy but cant...please help..

yellowmango · Mar 30, 2018

Op.....lets be frank here.
It has been 10yearsand nothing has changed.
Your first thread on this forum is exactly as this one .

Open your eyes.
In this family ,your husband and his mother are the life partners and you are the third wheel.If this hasn't changed till now,it will not change as long as his mom is alive.

How long will you keep waiting for him to be a husband?

Stop trying to find something that is not there.
You both do not have a bond ....he is not into you.
Don't sit and wait for him to change.
Live your life.

Stop trying to be a nice person . If mil is mean,tell her to shut up without worrying about what your husband will feel or say. Tell your mil she has destroyed your marriage and that you don't give a **** any longer.Tell her she won and her son is all hers. Let her worry about her son's married life now.

Stop doing work for him . Let his life partner take over.
You are taking care of his child. That is enough.
Stop being a decent wife.
let her cook on weekends,you go out for movies ,parks ,friends with or without the kid. If husband objects,tell him you no longer care. He is just a room mate.

If he wants sex....have it if you want or tell him to go away.
You can't control your married life,but you can control your life.

If this is not what you want then you either ignore or think about seperating from him.

yellowmango · Mar 30, 2018

Op.....start concentrating on your career. Your career and your daughter should be your focus in life .
Your husband who doesn't care should be ready to stay in the background like you have been in his life.

Your mil should not be your concern. Any one who can turn her own son' s married life into this deserves no dil.

Sandycandy · Mar 30, 2018

Kenny, hope you are doing fine healthwise. I was reading through your older post and you had some major health issues that you had to take care of. So hope you are on your way to recovery.
I have to agree with Yellowmango here, your husband has not weaned himself from his mother and will never will.
That should not stop you from leading your life the way you want to.
Please make your health and peace of mind your priority .

Brevity · Apr 1, 2018

Completely agree with yellowmango. Only thing left to do is to let go, stop caring and find your happiness and fulfilment in raising your daughter, good friends, other relations.

If you can bring yourself to talk to your mil the way yellowmango suggested it would give you closure as well.

soulful · Apr 1, 2018

OP! Yellow mango is right! Living your life well is thebest revenge. Take care of yourself and your kid. If he doesn't need you, you don't need him. Just do the bare minimum just so you can keep your conscience clear. Be happy without him and he WILL notice. Now he won't like being the third wheel and will come back. Believe me! IT WORKS! lol!