Misunderstanding With My Best Friend :(

I am really sad now; thus venting here

She was my best friend. It was some 10 years back, when we stayed in a hostel in a foreign land for study purpose. There were 12 friends, all from our country and we all shared a great friedship as hostel mates. There were seniors and juniors of different courses. But we have so much in common to be connected during those 4 years together.
She was more special among the lot. As I knew her before, and she was my senior and the inspiration to follow the course in that uni, with her.
She was from the same city as me, and shared so much in common with me; thus made us intimate.

As we were young and immature those days, we shared almost everything together. That includes our crushes, love affairs, failures, family matters. There were no secrets then.

After leaving the college, many of us left the country, found jobs and got married early. Thus they were only staying in the social media, but there were not much friendship shared as before. Even if there was anything, we have never got any time to re-live those days as group.

But she was with me. She found me a job in the office where she worked. Convinced me to change my career (from a bank to a Human rights international orgn) and my dreams. She was a very strong influence to me those days.

In the mean time, she had a crush on a guy, whom worked with her before I complete my course. She would uodate me everything about him, and how much she loves him. But aparently he did not reciprocate to her feelings; thus they had to separate in a not so happy manner.
That's when I joined her work place and knew everything about those bad events. She had to leave the company in no time, as the problem was serious.

We continued the friendship even after that. She became a teacher, and fell for another guy, who was also my friend. They eventually got married. I was there in her marriage, and also when she delivered her first kid.

She eventually forgot and let go of her past affair. Her husband and this guy became acquaintance as they had to work together in certain projects.
Since i was also in that project, I grew close with this guy and fell for him eventually. He too reciprocated to my love. He is none other than my HUSBAND.
We were unsure about our affair initially. It wasn't even communicated or expressed. Then we were scared about our families, as it was an inter-religious affair. So, we kept it for ourselves for many days until we decided to reveal it.

She was the first person to know my affair then. She was happy or at least pretended to be happy for me. Her husband wished both of us.
Then we got married, but she did not turn up for the wedding. She didn't even wish me.
Immediately after the marriage, we moved out of the country. We have lost many contacts after leaving home.
Many of them were not even using social media to be reconnected then.

In the mean time, I had other pressures in life, precisely, in laws problems and loads of family issues. I also grew fast in my career, so I had to pay a lot of attention in to other matters than friends. I also became mom for the first time amidst all this.

But slowly, I started to dig for details of all my friends. Found her contacts through a 3rd person, and tried to communicate with her. But there was always a silence.
Then I found her in FB, and requested to be friend there. She did not attend to that request for few years now.
Even I have tried to contact her H via FB, but all in vain. I thought they are not actively using FB as me; thus they might not have noticed my request amidst many other requests - that happens right?

In the meantime, I moved back to my native city last year. And started working as a consultant to a project which her H is working on. So, officially I will have to interact with her H more closely and my role would be a managerial role.
Initially he was a bit rigid, and avoided the contacts with me directly. Then I tried to know the reason via our common friend - who is also in that project. He said (of course after asking him the reason) my friend and her H are angry on me for speaking ill about her character with a 3rd person (probably in the past); thus decided to stay away from me.
Even that common friend has suggested them to double check this matter with me, or even ask me to have the other side of the info. But they chose to leave it at that.
He said, please keep only professional relationship with them, but don't expect for more.

I was really pissed off.. and wanted to clear myself. Because I have never spoken bad about my friend in the past. I am sure about that.
But somehow I feel uncomfortable to bring this matter with her H.

In the mean time, her H has started to act normal with me. He has even added me in his whatsapp and FB lists. I feel he is normal. He even interacts with my H as normal as before.

Besides, me and one of my other friends from that group of 12, have opened a whatsapp group for those 12 hostel mates. All of them are added, and we have started to interact as a group after 10 years now. All are excited, and posting pics of family, new life etc.... so the group is active.

This friend is also added there. Since I am one of the admin, I welcomed her to this group, and formally started a chat. She avoided.
Then I indirectly said something to her during a group conversation. She ignored me.
But she is taking time to individually interacting with each other, and seem to comment on everyone's pic etc...
She is very active there.
It feels she is deliberately avoiding me for no reason or for a useless reason.
Part of me wants to clarify my stand, and reconnect.
Part of me feels rejected; thus never contact her in life time.

My common friend suggests me to talk to her husband, as he seem to be more open and friendly with me.
My other 11 members of the hostel group doesn't know anything about this matter, it seems. So, they as usual talk about us together, and even want something from us together (the native spl thing).

Although I have passed a lot of hurdles in my life; thus friendship is not at all a major thing to run my life anymore. But this piece of problem is really disturbing me.

PS: Disconnect myself from this whatsapp group can never be a solution to this problem. So, please do not suggest that.

 

Not really.... I think you have misunderstood the whole post. The problem in this one and the other one is not about whatsapp, but about different people involved and the complected relationship matters. If whatsapp is not there, the problem would have been still there in other forms.

 

I just don't feel comfortable to open this matter with her directly. I have tried taking to her several times in the past. She has not even attended my wedding, and never once visited my house or kids since the time I've moved back here.
Although I have always been trying to get her number via one of her relative, there seem to be always a silence. Plus her negligence in FB and whatsapp made me so upset with her.

I really don't think that she is angry with me for a 3rd person's comment? She would have easily discarded that comment or double checked that with me. She can't be this rude for a comment with no evidence, right? If so, whats the point of our friendship?

 

My brain knows this, but my heart fails