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Mil's Behavior

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by BeingSoulful, Apr 26, 2019.

  1. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    We had our baby girl last month, i was so looking forward to experience everything that was coming my way as i enter motherhood. MIL is here to help with the baby. I have no support from parents in any means since my mother never approved this relationship. With MIL I share a very formal relationship, we keep our conversations to minimum, talk only when required. She is a typical MIL, extremely judgmental, huge cribber, she makes faces, doesnt talk properly, makes issue out of almost everything and the list will go on.

    I had a long labor, extremely sore after baby was born. She hardly cared when i couldnt get out of my bed. She din care for baby as well. I was very upset but understood baby will always be our responsibility. As a first time mom i was overwhelmed handling this tiny human, that was real. Baby had issues latching on, lactation at the hospital provided nipple sheild to start with since i have short nipples. But MIL made it sound like baby is unable to latch coz of my nipples. She passed comments on how ugly my breast looked and why i did not do anything about it. After returning home, baby stil had trouble latching. BM came in next day, i was engorged, i started pumping. Every feed i was trying to work with baby to latch on, she would cry but would latch on for 5 or 10mins. At 2weeks, this was good.

    I spent time taking care of baby fully. MIL would only cook. Especially nights were rough. I was sore with no sleep, baby taking all the time, plus pumping to keep the supply. It was overwhelming. She started bottle feeding the baby fully in my absence. Incase i am in shower or sleeping or sometimes even if i am right there she would simply pick up the bottle every time baby cries irrespective of baby being hungry or not. She would take the baby overnight & ask me for pumped milk. I was extremely mad, with time baby started latching lesser. She developed bottle preference, since that was lesser work. MIL started telling i should work on bring out the nipple & shouldnt force the baby. But i kept trying, kept crying, DH spoke to her. She says anyway its only 6months BF & bottle feeding is more convenient. And with bottle feeding she would keep the baby with her most time. I hated to see her feed my child. I felt like she was taking away the most precious experience from me.

    I almost gave up on BF, forcing baby on the sheild. I also realized i got carried away with my short nipple issue which is most common in FTMs. After DH told her to stop bottle feeding & mentioned baby should spend time with mom in this initial time for bonding & it will help BF as well. She got so upset, no talks at all, making faces, no matter how much baby cries she wouldn't touch her. This has been on & off with her. I am sick of seeing her making faces for everything. Now here is another major issue. Baby is 6weeks old now. From the time shez born till now, MIL keeps her awake for longer periods, playing, making video calls back home. As if baby is a toy. As advised by pediatrician, first 3months baby needs lots of sleep for their development & growth. Also the times shez been up for more than 1.5hrs she has lot of trouble sleeping, neither feeds nor sleeps, becomes fully cranky.

    I started taking baby away from her, i would feed & put the baby to sleep right away & started keeping baby with me as much i can, trying to establish BF when shez not too hungry, or sleepy. Its a LOT of work with a recovering body. Am i wrong in doing this? We tried telling her multiple times to not have the baby up for so long. But anything you tell, it is never taken is a positive way.
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    Just keep doing this. Your baby's well being is more important than appeasing a grown woman who is simply acting like a baby. How long is MIL planning to stay? Any chance you can nudge her to return earlier?
     
  3. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    Ur baby and ur peace of mind is most important.. book tickets for her and ask her to go back immediately... u can take of cooking and baby its almost 2 months... simple 1 pot recipes will do...

    MIL is Unnecessary stress and tension.
     
  4. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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  5. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Send her back ASAP and take care of your kiddo yourself . Keep a full time helper who can help you with cooking and house hold work. Everything related to kid you do with help of your hubby and ask the helper to do rest of the work.
    New momma doesn't require this stress of handling a MIL at this point of time . Enjoy your motherhood :)
     
  6. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    She is here for next 4months. I wish she could return earlier. Most days i am able to do this, but with so much on my plate sometimes she does what she wants. She made me feel like a mean DIL not letting her grandchild be with her. She cried, made a big scene out of nothing. I was trying to see things from a different perspective. Thanks for yur input, makes me less guilty.
     
  7. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    I have heard similar stories of MIL making issues over BF. First, take control, lock your room and try to feed. Dont open door until you are done with it. Keep away all bottles. If you are still pumping, you can try. Never allow MIL to be there, when you feed baby. Completely ignore her comments like a deaf person. Form a schedule and stick with it. Even if MIL go on strike mode, tell her this is what your Dr suggested. Give baby to her and open your room only when you need a break. Sending her back is the best option, but if that's not possible, live your life the way you want. Let MIL help with cooking etc, but you decide what to do with baby. As long as demand is there , supply will be there. Once your baby is into BF, may be you can allow her spend more time. Dont worry. In other ways treat MIL well, so she get message. Talking or discussing it with her wont help. So tackle it diplomatically. Look like you are on the right track. Take care
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2019
  8. Deol7777

    Deol7777 New IL'ite

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    Ignore you mil and do what u want
     

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