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MIL keeps nagging.Loosing confidence.. Need helpto handle her

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Me1, Oct 10, 2014.

  1. Me1

    Me1 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    This is my very first post. I used to think that I am the only one who is in pain post marriage but I was wrong. Hats off to u all J
    My problem is that my MIL has made it tough to live.
    I am a strong Capricorn gal who used to be independent and a decision maker in my family. But post marriage everything seems shattered. She constantly keeps hitting on my confidence.

    · Keeps comparing me with my SIL: SIL is no doubt good at house hold chores but she is not that confident when it comes to handle outside home. All the time says, she is quicker and faster than you. She is this and that

    · Constantly bother me while doing things: DO like this.

    · Don’t know from where she thought I listen to my MOM more than I hear to her. And keeps on nagging on this.

    · My DH was a happy person before marriage but he is not post marriage.

    · I am responsible for his career. Keep him happy so that he gets promotion.

    · Especially, she will negate whatever I say no matter how correct I am. If same thing will be said by his son she will happily agree to it.

    · I do not make a good mother.

    · In short I am the worst person she has ever met.

    She has shifted with us for 5 months now and every month she finds a way to fight with me n put whole blame on my shoulders. Everyone in family thinks that I am a bad person.

    I even don’t get support from my husband (although mine was a love marriage with 7 years of courtship). As per my DH he cannot take my side even if she is wrong because he cannot hurt her mom. She has already sacrificed her full life after him. She keeps on showing what all she has done for the family and keeps on blabbering her goodness.

    Currently she is taking care of my 9 months old son after leaving her job. I am v much thankful to her but other things that she do is spoiling my mood hence my husband’s mood and affecting our marriage of 2.5 years.
    I was a v cheerful girl earlier now a days I am afraid of speaking. I talk limited to her and can not share my feelings with my husband. I am dying inside. Sometime I think of giving up this life but thought of my son holds me back J
    If she is away my husband is the best. But I am fed up of her. Need suggestions to handle her.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2014
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Op...this is the usual mil behavior.
    There are ways to make your life bearable when she is around.

    1)Develop a thick skin.

    2)When she compares to sil...just accept"mummyji she is great...I am nothing compared to her.. and I can't even think of being in the same class...and not planning to compete".She will keep wondering if it is praise or something else.

    3) When she criticizes...just give a silly blank look and nod and then continue.

    4)If she says you listen to your mother.....say"why would I do that .....after all what has she done for me besides the 9 months and then pain of child birth.She has just raised me and ...blah blah...just like any one else does..no??? just like you have also raised dh....nothing special".Then give the blank look and continue.

    5)When she says you are not a good mother....Give the blank look and say(innocently)..."I think I am a good mother".....and continue....or move away.

    6)When dh gives the silly excuse that she has sacrificed for him....say"yeah...I was raised by the wolves ...so I should just get used to being bullied and verbally abused".
     
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  3. aarna123

    aarna123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Me
    U told u were used to b a cheer full girl.that time were u not handling any problem or situation.it is life we hv to move on between the broblems .
    So just situation changes.do not give up .u hv a beautiful and complete life .
    If ur mil says ur sil is better than u accept it and say nobody is perfect everywhere as she is good in home but m in outside.
    If she says u do not talk with her as ur mother tell her u be my mom first.
    Do not afraid to talk to her.she will get more courage to put u down.
    She is talking care of ur son and household that's why she compares u with ur sil as she done herself.
    Do not think much abt it she is just frustrated and nothing.
    Ask her sometimes abt what problems she faces at household.
    Enjoy ur life...
     
  4. Me1

    Me1 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks YellowMango and Aarna. Feeling a bit releived that someone somewhere can atleast relate to my problems :)

    Filled with brand new energy to deal with this situation. I am a go getter.

    and at last

    hum honge kaamyaab :)
     
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  5. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Ufff ..... no! not again ....
    "Sacrifice" ........Isn't it her DUTY??? [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2014
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  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Next time tell him....since she made sacrifices for you...tell her to nag you verbally abuse you.
     
  7. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi, if possible do some other arrangement for ur baby sitting, when we dependent on mil, she gets chances to criticize us, or involve in our life. Less her invoLvement, better ur life.

    can u keep ur mil busy with something else, so she will not involve much in ur life.

    some craft work etc if she is interested? Or send to some religious stuff.

    u don't change ur personality, be cheerful and be happy , by ignoring her.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2014
  8. Me1

    Me1 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes I am working on this. Also, thinking to get some tuitions for her. She is more irritated because she used to b a working lady - a teacher but now she cares just for my son. May be she will feel better once she gets some tuitions etc.
     
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  9. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    I remember rejecting one alliance because his mother was teacher.Op after teaching 30-40 years lecturing others becomes habit.
    Just stand for what you believe without giving explain ation or being apologetic.
     
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