1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Mil Has Been Saying Really Disgusting Things About My Family

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Patientone, Aug 24, 2019.

  1. Patientone

    Patientone New IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    to our relatives. About my mother, my father and my sisters. Things that you would feel ashamed to even right down. First she used to do it with my husbands brothers wife’s family saying they’re alcoholic. Next, about sister in laws husbands family, saying they earn money through prostitution. Now it’s my family’s turn. I’ve been no contact with my mil for some time due to her behaviour but now we will be visiting her in India. How to cope? Obviously my mothers family are shocked because my mum is a really nice person and has kept it good with everyone. They always say my mil is a horrible low class woman who has a lot of greed. Part of me is so irritated and part of me feels like let her carry on... God will sort her out. What do I do? Ignore all behaviour? She will do anything and everything to get to me including insult my 2 year old daughter. She knows I will attack like a lioness. I’ve realised if I stay quiet and ignore it she fakes being ill in front of my husband and by Gods grace she falls ill for a few days. But sometimes she really gets to me...
     
    Loading...

  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,044
    Likes Received:
    3,483
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Why are you visiting such a toxic person? Let your husband go alone and you spend time with your family. People have probably realized your MIL's a few sandwiches short of a picnic by now.
     
  3. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    165
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Dont visit. Let your husband go. Or if it's must to visit india then go to your mom's place directly. Let husband n your kid go to ur mil's house.
    Or ypu take your kid with you to your mom's house.

    Lot of people will say to "ignore" and "ignorance is bliss" ...while this is true in many cases, there comes a time when we need to put our foot down and take some decisions to maintain our selfrespect and dignity.

    Sometimes, ignoring often gives them more chamces to insult you as they take your silence and ignorance as your weakness though it's definitely not.
    It takes lot of strength to ignore the insults and to be silent.

    Ignoring outsiders ill behaviour is easier but when it comes to inlaws.... Ignoring on daily basis will damage our inner peace n sanity over a period of time.

    Saying this with experience. I stay with inlaws all the time and I try max to ignore but there comes a point of breakdown where I cant let them play with my emotions and feelings and insult me or my parents. I put my foot down and though it always results in massive fights and over dramatic scenes similar to indian tv soap of saas bahu sagas, I still have no choice.

    The more I stayed silent, the more they pushed me to a corner and hurt my selfrespect and reigned over the house and my husband and me as well.

    So, pick your battles. Ignore what you can and when you can't, put your foot down and protect your and your parents self respect.
     
  4. Patientone

    Patientone New IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    If I don’t go, she will fill my husband ears about bad things about me and my family. Plus she’ll start with the constant sobbing about her life in India and how they don’t have money when I know she’s just been given inheritance money. My whole life will turn upside down. I’m trying to make my husband be successful in his job and be a good father but it’s not happening because she thinks of him as her husband.
     
  5. Patientone

    Patientone New IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    My parents live in the UK too. Like I said before, if I send hubby alone she will fill his head and make sure he separates from me. She also has the nerve of introducing young girls to him or dropping off young single girls home on his bike (she hopes some sparks fly so that I get jealous or they have an affair). I can’t believe I’m typing this but that’s how she is.
     
  6. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    478
    Likes Received:
    749
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear you may not like this but your husband is the problem, You want advice to tackle your MIL but it starts with your husband. He has to stand up for you and not listen to rubbish about you. The minute he entertains it MIL gets an in. It is him you need to get closer with and show the real you. Leave inlaws and parents out of it. How long have you been married. It is such a surprise that living in UK he has that much time to talk to her. What new info does she feed him, I don't get it since you guys don't interact on a daily basis. Your job should be to get your husbands loyalty and affection and the rest will fall in to place. MIL will not stop until he puts a stop to it.
     
  7. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    678
    Likes Received:
    1,637
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    I hope things are better in your marriage, I remember a older post of yours about verbal abuse.
    MIL can say things she wants to say. A person that constantly says negative things about everyone gets no respect. I am sure people have judged her by now. So don’t worry on that front.
    Save yourself the drama, don’t visit her.
     
  8. Patientone

    Patientone New IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    But how do I sort out such a stubborn husband? If I get close to him, he’ll use it against me when we fight and tell his mother personal things. She will spread it further. There is no trust. I have to guard myself from him but it’s hard because of love. I just tell him my secrets and then have to cope with the aftermath. I’m a little bit better at keeping to myself but it’s hard. He’s the problem. He won’t change. He won’t have my back.
     
  9. Nylaa

    Nylaa Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    84
    Likes Received:
    200
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, is it possible your mother-in-law has some sort of mental issue (aside from being a nasty person)? Those are very serious and very random things to accuse someone of. It sounds rather abnormal that one would hurl such accusations out of the blue, especially since your family has always treated them well.

    Right. The nasty random accusations the OP's mother-in-law make wonder if there isn't something else at play as well.
     
  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    566
    Likes Received:
    774
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Not only OP's mother-in-law most of the mother in-law s are like that. They can't be changed to good soul.
    Only stop is thru thier one son's. That's way far from reality.
    If mil insults in front of you, ask her in way , why . Pose questions. Else ignore her completely. Say hi-bye. My in-laws visited us for 4 months. They did much things, I chose to speak only when my husband was around. I never spoke to them when we were alone. I told them watch TV. They would be calling all relatives in India speak how luxury I have.
    Ignore them hi-bye is more than enough for toxic people
     

Share This Page