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MIL going out for week..suggestion reg :))

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by bhumi1231, Dec 26, 2011.

  1. bhumi1231

    bhumi1231 Senior IL'ite

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    guys ,,luckily MY MIL is going to her daughter's place for a week or more.I want to utilise this time for building better rel with My H. As he has been under lotta pressure with her..i am feeling so relaxed:)))....I just want to make him understand that how good our life can be...whn we both will be alone..actually its been bad week when she fought with me also abused and said bad abt him,,but still he being emotional guy has got back his terms with her and am cornered ,i hardly speak to her....but i want this time to be utilized to make him understand.
     
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  2. Mahanu

    Mahanu Silver IL'ite

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    You have not said whether you have kids. If you dont have kids then you can be spend your time with your DH in a much more romantic way.

    Just take a break from routine and try to go for some jolly trip for a day or two. Do things that he likes or will show that you love him most. Make sure that you give him some urforgettable moments of joy, love and pleasure.

    After all these enjoyments, when you come back to your home, just discuss with him how much you loved and enjoyed the privacy with him and in the course of discussion tell him all you want to tell, but in a subtle and acceptable way without offending his sentiments for his mother. I hope he will certainly understand your point.

    All the best.
     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2011
  3. Mrudhani

    Mrudhani Silver IL'ite

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    Cook nice food for your DH. You both can plan for a movie or shopping.
    Can spend quality time with each other (with both ur mobiles put off) and its the time to open up to him about the genuine complaints you have. I have jus spent my time like that till a day before.

    But these ladies get the updates thru mobile pone on what we do without them.

    But its really a pain in the heart on the day when ur MIL returns. :-( (telling this by experience). Though you know that she is gonna return one day, getting back to pavilion is a bit tough after kind of leisure and nice time u have had without her :-(

    Be prepared for overcoming that feeling too..
     
  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    I humbly suggest a nice plan for you. Please do it and let us know the results:

    1) Make your husband's time with you memorable by preparing his favorite food, discussing something interesting to him, take him to places of his interest, watching TV programs he likes and dedicate this week exclusively for his interest

    2) If he asks what you like, please tell him that you would accept anything he likes. If he buys something for you, accept it gracefully and tell him what a wonderful husband he is

    3) Under no circumstances, you raise the issue about your MIL. He knows everything you know already but he may not like to hear about it. It is always difficult for him to hear bad things about his mother even if he knows it himself. Because of your (1) and (2) above, if he raises the issue to make you happy, please tell him, "I love you so much and that is why, I sometimes take that trouble with a smile. I know you would take very could care of me and why should I worry?"

    The above will do more wonders than million words.

    Viswa
     
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  5. bhumi1231

    bhumi1231 Senior IL'ite

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    thts great suggestions:)


    well i am really feeling @home if shes not around..man such a relief...:cheers

    yes am doing my best..not complainig to him abt anything:) inc talks abt MIL...infact no talks abt her...things are so confomfortable..i wish he understands the comfort level w/o her...

    but yes there is this every day caaling ritual gng on between my H and MIL:O..
    for which i said one day ,,,man lets take some space y everyday calling is required?grrrrrrr....last to last week she had some arguments with me,,,and she used some abusive words...also said against my family..for which i blowed her off...but i cant forget those words..i can only see her calling and speaking to my Husband,,,bt she never gives me a single call...however this is her habit where she discusses any plan with him keeping me in corner,am get pissed off with this..even what to cook is only discussed with my H.anyways i have been ignoring this....few moths back when i went to my home town my H wanted me to call her every 2nd day even whn i was out for a week....:O i did so,,but this time i have tols my H that as shes gone out i wanna see how much concerns she has and weather she ever calls me?till date she hasnt called me?am sure she'll make issues on me not calling and asking her...how to tacke this ladyyy.....
     
  6. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Bhumi,

    Quite honestly I don't think there is any love lost between you and your mil. So why are you feeling bad if she did not talk to you? This is the pattern in the majority of arranged marriages. Just be happy you did not have to hear her nagging voice for a couple of weeks. Did you really imagine she would treat you the same as she does her son? Never expect it so you will not be disappointed. If at some point she changes wonderful. If not, you did not expect anything different.

    Be the "very well behaved bahu" and follow the old maxim of "speak only when spoken to". You can say you are giving her respect by not talking out of turn. If she complains about your not talking to her on phone, just say very sweetly "I missed you so much and felt so bad you did not talk to me when you called DH. But then I thought may be you were busy, so I did not want to disturb you. Anyway I got all the news from your son and am glad you had a great time. The good thing is next time round hopefully your husband will not expect you to talk to her. He has evidence that she never asks to talk to you.

    If she gets on your nerves, do whatever be your work at home and then just keep out of the way.
     
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  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    I like Satchi's suggestion very much. More your MIL makes problem at home with you not responding to it, your husband would be watching it carefully who was responsible for issues at home. Tell her that you are happy if her son is happy. Tell her you and your DH were glad that you received a call from your MIL everyday. Try and tell all of that in the presence of your DH, if possible.

    Viswa
     
  8. bhumi1231

    bhumi1231 Senior IL'ite

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    thnx guyss..i dunno i have tried being nice and diplomatic earlier,,but as i rem her behavior few weeks back to me ,using abuse words like" stop barking",i dnt even feel like talking to her and since than she is also sharing least concerns.

    also her daughter is married with my brother,who is least bothered abt my parents.alsthough thy stay in different cities there is no boundation from my parents on her Daugthr to call ,report etc,,neither my brother lets any advice or tell her anything.and my mother in Law has played good role in manipulation,hence i don't wanna give any respect that she never deserves.

    I told My H about this also told him i cant any obligation.communication has to be from both ends,,and your mom ignores me like naything.He was ok with that,,i dnt think he'll force me anymore
     
  9. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    Hi bhumi,

    If you think that you can give some gyan to your husband on how things actually are at home thenn.. i would say that you are ruining your life yourself. it might create an impression in his mind that you are trying to seperate him from his mom. you would end up making things worse..


    Your husband has to have a close understanding of your heart for him to understand your position and stand by your side... to gain the upper hand you need to strengthen the bond between you two.


    to better your bonding with DH... do all that you wanted to do when you guys wanted to be alone..

    go out with him.. may be for shopping , movie,temple ... etc..e tc.. just for a walk also does better..

    Do not talk about any issues. for get about every thing else bothering you and try to know each other better

    Cook something interesting - clean the house together..

    Make sure that that you both do all things together and enjoy this one week of privacy all for yourselves.. Infact it doesnt make any sense wasting your time talking of some one who is trying to create troubles between you ppl.

    Hence... utilise this time all for yourself.. and for you both... everything else would start falling in to its place by itself..

    Enjoy Your Week! Its All Yours! :thumbsup
     

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