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Mil Comments On My Looks!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by kaveriudy, Feb 21, 2017.

  1. kaveriudy

    kaveriudy Senior IL'ite

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    thanks for the replies gals

    @Nonya she meant to insult me as simple as that :(

    @anika987 she thinks she is bold and can say anything to anybody, i told everything to my hubby and he has nothing to say on this matter. anyways i am trying to ignore it and avoiding any conversation with her. but at the same time acting pretty happy in front of her:)

    @yellowmango yes she most of the time she is rude. but in front of other relatives she clames to be the coolest mil everwho never interferences in dil's life. also she thinks she has the prettiest DD in the world which i think every mother would be like.
     
  2. kaveriudy

    kaveriudy Senior IL'ite

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    i acted stupid.. i should have said something clever
     
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  3. kaveriudy

    kaveriudy Senior IL'ite

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    her son thinks i am pretty i should tell her that to make her more jealous
     
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  4. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    So my MIL kind of has a twin sister it seems. MIL is always perfectly dressed. Even in the house. Hair perfect, sari perfect, even draws her eyebrows and wears some lipstick. She never rushes to get dressed. I on the other hand am always in a hurry. On trips to India I take just 4-5 salwars. Out of which 2 are solely for home wear. Wash one wear one. But she always complains that I don't dress properly. And if I have bought any new clothes (which I bring back and save for special occasions) she pesters me to wear them. Unfortunately for her, she does not realize that when she repeatedly says " You don't look like you live in the US, always have the same old stuff" to me it is a compliment. But she will also always follow it up with "Your sister on the other hand dresses so perfectly" I smile and then call my sister up and tell her she should have been married to hubby instead of me :)

    Sometimes people talk without thinking. She probably wants to hurt you on purpose in front of her daughter. But if you are complimenting your SIL and daughter truly from your heart and not just for lip service, do not stop. Your conscience will fight it. But if you are telling good things just because you think it is expected and not because it it true, then you should stop.
     
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  5. kaveriudy

    kaveriudy Senior IL'ite

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    . hello DKI thanks for your reply. in my case she definitely doesn't have a good taste in clothes, dressing and makeup. my friends family n some people from DH side compliment me on my dresses and makeup though. dont want to brag all this. cause everyone is perfect in there on way. i always try my best to dress nicely.
     
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  6. dollysonpari

    dollysonpari Silver IL'ite

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    I think ur mil is worried that her daughter is not as beautiful as u.. may be in ur mil's point of view u look more attractive even in everyday wear or dress.. To make her daughter happy or to make herself happy , she is saying harsh comments on u... Mil comments on looks is very common problem in many families i guess.. I dont why these mil and their family are blind on their DIL's looks or appearance before marriage... I think only after marriage they get eye sight which was blind before marriage... Better u kept quiet , that's a big insult for them , next time u smile for such harsh comment , it will hurt them back or irritate them.. If u say some comment or fight back, it might back fire on with more insults..
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Even though beggars are human beings, and they should be respected equally as others, the name calling as "beggar" is meant to insult someone either for their looks or behavior or self worth.
    So, your MIL was wrong, and her comment was rude.

    There is no point of sulking with it or behaving the same by loosing your good qualities. There is no point by telling this to your H, and hoping that he would rescue you. Given the fact that your SIL and MIL's sisters were present, they could twist the fact and make you the culprit. So, better deal with MIL then and there, that too directly.

    The next time, when she starts something like this, Look at her eyes straightly and ask "what do you mean?"
    If she says something, "ask her to stop and it is getting too personal and you feel insulted".
    Do not change your voice or feel emotional. Be casual, talk boldly and firmly and directly.
    Move on, and speak as usual with others since the next moment. Do not keep the grudge either.
    When repeated for a few times, these old MILs will learn their lessons.
    Don't even feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to talk back. Don't feel guilt for talking against elders.
    Just save your self respect and fight for your self. If not you, no one else will fight for your self respect.
     
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  8. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    These can be quiet common with mil's. It's her insecurity talking. It's a way to show her control and put u down.
    First option is for your hubby to talk to her gently abt it. From ur comment, dat may not happen.
    If you are really closer with ur sis in law, she can help.
    Or go to the source itself, if u can, u can note down the points beforehand and speak to her very calmly.
    If all option fails, then b ready to give counter wen it happens again. It can either b in a teasing manner or intellectual manner. Few examples, "how so?" "please elaborate" n can go on asking questions till she gets d point. If she's religious, "I thot god teaches patience and not to talk ill abt other" "my elders taught me, if u hav nothing good to say, keep quiet". Whatever it is, keep ur cool always. Don raise ur voice or show anger. Try to sound genuine.
     
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  9. dia3

    dia3 Silver IL'ite

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    U can tell her sarcastically that she doesn't give u right clothes to wear or money to buy right type of clothes:)
     
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  10. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    I prefer short hair over. And as my luck would have it, my hair grows pretty fast.
    Before marriage I had a short hair cut. My MIL assumed that I'd grow my hair after wedding.
    I grew my hair until wedding because I wanted to style my hair for the wedding ceremony.
    A month after wedding I cut it short. Did not even tell her that am cutting it . I went to work with long hair and came home with short hair.
    She was shocked. Later in the evening, we had guests and my MIL said, "Look how she cut her hair, she looks like a man in those pants-Tshirts and with short hair". Mind you it was just-below-shoulder length U cut hair.
    I kept quiet. I went in and made tea and snacks for the guests and when I was walking out of the kitchen with trays in hand, she said, "she looks just like a servant"
    Her guests started to laugh.
    I also laughed and looked at her straight in her eyes and said, "Mom you know what! When my own MIL thinks like that the whole world will also think like that, right. So from now on - I dont want to go places with you nor come out when you have your friends/guests visiting us - I dont want you to lose respect because of my looks. Because once a girl is married she is better knows as so-and-so's DIL but not as someone's daughter, right ?"

    She said "Nooo, what I meant was like long hair and some girlish clothes"

    "No maa, I know its written all over my face that I am the servant - and I dont want to anyone to think that your DIL - who is a Masters and works and earns a lot - who spends so much money on you - actually looks like a servant. I'll be in my room - come to me and talk if you need something. I dont want to come out and spoil your reputation. Love you ma" and I went inside and did noteven come out to serve them anything else. Not even to say bye. when they said bye beta i screamed from inside - bye auntiee take care.
    Never showed my face in the living room. But have a gala time in my bedroom - watching TV, and playing on phone.

    She understood that I was being sly. She asked for it. I gave it.

    It took her close to 6 months to get me out when the guests are home. Once a guest(who stayed overnight) actually asked me if I was working from home that day and hence inside the room the whole day. I said, "No, my MIL thinks that I look like servant, so i usually hide inside when ppl come. I dont want them to go out and tell everyone what so-and-so's DIL looks like a servant"
    She later came to me and said, "Idid not mean it, I meant you look good in long hair"
    I said, "Yes if you meant i look good in long hair, thats exactly what you should have said, not calling me names. "

    This incident fixed the issue.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2017
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