Mil Comments On My Childcare Skills..

Moonlight89 · Apr 1, 2017

I recently had a baby by the grace of God. As soon as I delivered my mil and sil did not leave a single opportunity to comment on my childcare skills. Whether it is me not feeding baby very well, not holding her properly, her skin peeling( normal in newborn), her losing weight( not true), not trying hard enough for breast milk ( I tried a lot but I m taking it easy as it was causing so much stress). My sil even commented about my huge tummy next day after delivery and how shocked she is and how she has never seen a pregnant woman with such a tummy after delivery ( that's funny cause in just 2 weeks time I have regained my abdominal tone although it's not perfect). The thing is rather than telling me all this directly they always tell my husband all this in a sugar coated way.....how they are worried about my daughter coz they love her a lot and how they are worried I might not take very good care of her. I must admit that I had some apprehensionsort in the beginning as this is my first child And I had zero experience with newborns but as any mother is got the hang of it pretty quickly. Buthe probably they sensed my anxiety and took advantage of it.
I end up arguing with my husband over this and get says they love my daughter and want her best..... The few times that my mil has told me all this directly I ended up arguing with her to prove my point which made me look ' badtameez' to my husband and he said dadi is saying for her good.
Even if my husband does rebuke his mother and sister then they say baby is
our jaan of course we Ll worry for her.... shes our darling baby.....don't know if mother and nani are taking good care of her.
This situation is causing me stress and affecting me mentally. I don't want this to affect me and just enjoy this time with my daughter. How do I deal with this issue as in my husbands opinion his mother and sister are angels and love my daughter and lot and always keeps conveying their 'advice' to mensure even if mil and dil don't tell me directly.

Moonlight89 · Apr 1, 2017

I recently had a baby by the grace of God. As soon as I delivered my mil and sil did not leave a single opportunity to comment on my childcare skills. Whether it is me not feeding baby very well, not holding her properly, her skin peeling( normal in newborn), her losing weight( not true), not trying hard enough for breast milk ( I tried a lot but I m taking it easy as it was causing so much stress). My sil even commented about my huge tummy next day after delivery and how shocked she is and how she has never seen a pregnant woman with such a tummy after delivery ( that's funny cause in just 2 weeks time I have regained my abdominal tone although it's not perfect). The thing is rather than telling me all this directly they always tell my husband all this in a sugar coated way.....how they are worried about my daughter coz they love her a lot and how they are worried I might not take very good care of her. I must admit that I had some apprehension in the beginning as this is my first child And I had zero experience with newborns but as any mother is got the hang of it pretty quickly. But probably they sensed my anxiety and took advantage of it.
I end up arguing with my husband over this and he says they love my daughter and want her best..... The few times that my mil has told me all this directly I ended up arguing with her to prove my point which made me look ' badtameez' to my husband and he said dadi is saying for her good.
Even if my husband does rebuke his mother and sister then they say baby is
our jaan of course we Ll worry for her.... shes our darling baby.....don't know if mother and nani are taking good care of her.
This situation is causing me stress and affecting me mentally. I don't want this to affect me and just enjoy this time with my daughter. How do I deal with this issue as in my husbands opinion his mother and sister are angels and love my daughter and lot and always keeps conveying their 'advice' to me even if mil and dil don't tell me directly.

mirrorimage · Apr 3, 2017

Thats bad..its expected...u say u recently delivered,please take care of yourself..there will come a time where they will learn their lessons..nonsense...u need lots of rest...crappy people all over world..trying to snatch all ur happiness and beautiful moments .stay strong..hang on girl...life will get better

Sangeeta85 · Apr 3, 2017

Hi .. this will go on for ever now but take care of ur self so u can care the baby.. don't let ur mil talks effect u .. I lost my days of happiness wen my kid was infant just like u fighting all time so I sincerely say that just enjoy the moment u have with ur baby they just grow too fast n especially the 1st year.. sit with ur husband baby n u .. don't care abt them .. I m not a strong person who can argue with inlaws but u can so answer back in such a way that she can't get back at u ..
Plz plz cherish this time with baby or else u will miss it for ever..
These horrible ppl are there for life now can't escape mine are the same..

soumya234 · Apr 3, 2017

My niece cried when she was 3 months old during a travel due to tummy issues and my sister's MIL said 'Upbringing is not good'. We still can't believe what she was thinking before telling that because a baby can cry/feed/poop.

Those comments will never stop because they are determined to make you feel low. All those people who comment will never even help or show what is the right way. They will only keep saying 'this is wrong'. It's really hard to let go since with sleeplessness, getting to know your baby, hormones take a toll on you. Do what you think is the best for your kid. Best wishes.

DDream · Apr 3, 2017

Dear OP,
Congrats on new baby. If you are confident that you are doing the best for you and your baby, try to ignore others comments including your dh
Let them say whatever they want.
You do whatever you think is right
Pl don't go for any argument, you don't need to prove anyone anything... just leave it..
Be cool, take a firm decision that you won't argue , and neglect these criticisms. Dont respond to their negative remarks.
Focus on you and your baby , take care of you both and enjoy each moment.

However I like to warn you about breast feeding. We can't take it easy if we like to breast feed the baby atleast for six months. It is a supply and demand system. We need to bf every 2 to 3 hours to establish full supply. For a new mother it is really a struggle to establish proper latch and feed baby. It is not an easy job. If we don't feed regularly the bmilk flow will reduce to minimum levels. So pl don't give up this process. I assume that you are doing that but thought of mentioning here just to make you cautious.

Take care your health, eat and drink well.Take enough rest. Enjoy each moment of your motherhood. Enjoy

Prishaa · Apr 3, 2017

This is most common.. People are always der to tell what is wrong.. And how incorrectly you do things but will themselves never tell what I correct nor will help you.. I too faced such situations.. But no one knows and care better than mother .. And since its new exp and even we are moms for first time so mistakes may happen so its ok.. Next time they suggest anything just say I don't know could you pls do it.. Probably then they may stop bothering..( worked in my case )

fourthaugust · Apr 3, 2017

Dear OP
What you are going through is pretty common in Indian family set up . Get used to of it. Please do not let your self stressed over these petty stuff. Because stress can make your milk dry up . Also due to stress ,some hormones get released which when transferred through your milk can make your baby very uncomfortable and fussy. Instead pay your attention to your baby only. Its not worth getting stressed over these issues because a day will come when they will stop commenting.
But right now your newborn needs a mom who is very much calm and composed. Breastfeeding needs a lot of patience . Keep offering your baby your milk, try to pump in between if you can , stay hydrated and rest well. The more you rest the better. Give your baby massage sometimes . I am sure you have elders doing it for you but trust me babies feel much calmer when mom touches them. Lots of skin to skin , lullaby. Do it for your little one. See, you will be so busy doing all this that you will have no time to take anybody's sh**.
By the way I recently read that lullabies sung by mothers not only benefit babies but help mothers too. usually moms who sing to their babies do not go under postpartum depression.All this gyan is based on my own experience dear

Moonlight89 · Apr 4, 2017

Thanks everyone for their replies. I always knew that the smart thing to do would be to say ok to whatever they say but do what you believe is right...but sometimes we become very emotional when we feel that they are criticising us a mother...I will try to be mentally strong and not react to any criticisms and just enjoy this time with DD

harinideep · Apr 4, 2017

Gal. Seriously this is the time to enjoy with baby . I had so many issues and tensionz at that time and my milk flow dropped . Plus baby was crying like hell whenever i tried breast feeding.
These comments will go on forever. You will be blamed if child does not eat, if child does not like potty trainin, if child speaks late , etc etc etc. They have hundreds pf things to comment and we might be told we are worst mothers. Especially when child reaches terrible 2, they will have millions of things to comment .
And the reason for commenting is not care for babies . It is to bring down your confidence . Think it as a game. They win if you feel bad for their comments . Actually if you truly.dont care about their comments, then you win .
This is the best phase of life and generally few in laws want to spoil it . So choose wisely