mentel stress and torture

i dont know why i am even writing you pointers to improve yor married life..i feel you are better off without him..like good riddance to bad luggage..but clearly,you dont want to end this marriage..i hope things work out for you soon.

you are on a dependant visa...i dont know about its prospects for jobs..of what i know is that you are illegal to work if you stay in USA on dependant visa...odd jobs are an option...but,if you find a stable job,then i think that company can sponsor an H1 for you..if thats not possible or getting too frustrating,then why dont you do some online certifications or join a college full time...ask your husband to fund..i am sure he wont,but try to put some monetary responsibility on him this time around instead of your mom doing it...if not, ask your parents to fund an education for you,instead of giving that money to your looser husband and inlaws...maybe if you tell where you are abroad,ladies on this forum can help you out in giving you adresses for domestic abuse shelters or some support groups.

regarding maintaining a seperate bank account,which will be secondary to your landing a job,you should NEVER give in to your in laws demands of sending the money there..dont fall for her traps or your husbands.

driving..hmm..he cannot be asking for permission all the time and neither can you be waiting for their approval all the time..google up the driving schools in your locality..many have pick up and drop off facilities...take money from parents and get it done with..once when you start going out of the house your husband will start realizing that he cannot abuse you because now you are begining to have a social circle there...if not..just find the transit stops near your place...get a bus schedule and get out of the house..dont stay too long in the house or else you will loose it.

he even touches you once this time with the intention of physical abuse..thats it..zero tolerance...call the cops..

go online and search for desi meets in your area..see if you can make any friends...that helps a lot..once they will know you are not just going to staying home and put up with any crap ..they will fear of public humiliation..

time and again as everyone is saying DO NOT GET PREGNANT!..and like alazea said bring your education to the right action now..educated girls need to act,stand and speak up!!

 

My hugs to you dear. Please, please think about your decision of going back to your husband. If you are in USA , it might be difficult to get job on dependent visa. Please, think hard.Your husband doesn't seem like he will ever change.Your life will be in trouble if you go back and if you are dependent on your husband. God forbid, your in-laws my try every possible way to get rid of you.

You have brought good name to you and your parents. Marriage is not only dependent on you.Its not your mistake if your in-laws are monsters and your husband doesn't have spine. How can your parents survive seeing you suffering in their(in-laws) hands? You may think, your parents will feel bad. But think( god forbid) anything bad happen to you, can they suffer the loss? You have been successful in life. So try to be independent. Try to get a job. If you want to be with your husband, then please, try to find a job near his place before you land there. Please don't land in abroad with dependent visa. Weigh your thoughts and think "IS IT WORTH TO BE IN THIS MARRIAGE".

Get well soon..ALL the best...my prayers are with you.

 

Hi Vexed,
After reading your posts i realized that your husband has no love on u..Look forward and decide what needs to be done.If this fellow and family leaves u after a kid is born then what is the situation and if they leave u after keeping u for 2 more years what will happen? In both the cases men can get another women easily.. where as u have to suffer with out no one in life and additional responsibilities of a kid..
If you are independent, atleast u can save money for your self and secure yourself financially .keeping marriage aside. Donot worry about society, they will neither keep u food nor give u shelter..put cases and get out

 

good that you are still in your mom's place and yet to travel abroad.gather enough evidence,just register a police complaint and call everyone for counselling.outcome will be either they will change after counselling or you might have to look for divorce after counselling-but by doing this you will make a strong point that you will take any bold decision.

 

hi vexxed,
i really don't understand that why you and your parents have been seeing all this till date.You are an educated , independent one.Just gather all your courage and leave their house and go to your parents and then consult a good lawyer hirehim for your divorce with all the cash and gifts given in marriage back and also along with a good alimony.(compensation).Also you can file case for abusive PIL and dowry harrassment..
Don't leave them this way..teach them(monsters) a lesson..and just get out of it.it has been just a yr.. nevermind..its better early than too late..

 

Hello Friend,
I'm really sorry for your situation. I can't digest your MIL's behaviour. I think after marriage she should let her son live his life. She is totally unbelievable. As others say, try getting a job first. They are many companies now doing H1B. You can try it out. They can apply for your H1 and they will help you get a job. You may have to little bit of homework from your end like learning and all that. I think a job will give you confidence. People might change over a period of time, but nothing is certain. Your DH should stand by your side. But the way he is, i think he can't even open his mouth in front of his MOM. I wonder why can't guys think independently even after marriage. Why the hell they get married if they can't think what is right and wrong after marriage.
Any ways for you, keep faith in GOD. He will definetly show you some way shortly. My prayers for you.
Take care

 

Dear vexed
I felt very bad after reading your story. I dont understand why your husband doesnt support you, I think he is still a kid who molds himself as per his mom. Why such guys marries who cant take care of their wife? You are a qualified woman, as per my advice dont allow anyone to dominate your life. Talk to your husband & give MIL a good answer for all her misbehavior. Lots of hugs & take care.

 

Dear Vexed99,

Moving to US on a dependent visa is going to make things worse. To top it, if you have kids, these people will try to come to your place in the name of kids and make your life a hell..

I would say, RUN RUN RUN, from these people.

If at all you want to join this Momma's guy, then make sure you get a job even before you come to the US or go in a student visa.

Stop Complaining about your inlaws family to your Husband.. It is going to increase hatred and spoil your married life. Also, this ends in fight and physical abuse. No one would accept their parents are devils even if they are devils.. So no point in fighting wiht him. He already knows the fact that they are not good people.

IGNORE INLAWS. Keep yourself busy. Completely stop talking to inlaws. Let them talk to their son. Even if you talk, just say few words and end the conversation. This way you can keep your mind from thinking about them. Join classes or a local library, read books.

Take Monthly Pocket Money. Or Take Ownership On Groceries. Save Little amount from it and use it for driving classes or anything you want to do. Don't wait for his approval. Just tell him you have your driving classes a day before you go for the class. Book it yourself.

Make Friends. This is something important if you are planning to live in the US. Exposure to friends family and attending social gatherings will help your husband learn about others and will also help him to change his behavior towards you.

 

Dear Friend,I am feeling very sorry for you ..
I think you both need to spend some time together..You need to understand your husband...I think he still need some time to understand meaning of marriage...if possible pls go and visit the consular or any common relative or friend where you can speak and make your husband realize ....what amount of pain you are going through...
IGNORE YOUR IL'S....do you think they will change for you ? NO NO NO...........

IGNORE THEM..

Next point- You want to be in this relationship....so best thing is get some confidence from your DH .
If you are in US now...then utilize this.. Initial stage is always difficult ....but Once your husband start understanding you then....its all yours.....
Try to not speak anything about IL and your parents......

I hope this will help you some where..and still you think this is not going to work.,,then ...
Start looking for a IT job again..work hard make your carrier..

Bottom line is ...you need to find a solution ..
we all are here to guide you but the final call is yours .
Take care
Laxmi