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mentel stress and torture

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by vexed99, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. vexed99

    vexed99 New IL'ite

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    Here goes my story IL . I was married to a guy who hails from well settled family . I belong to a normal middle class family. My father conducted my marriage in a grand way and gave enough of dowry , jewels , diamond ,silver and a lot of cash .

    Reg my dh i do say he is a gentleman but a puppet doll for his parents . My dh was wrking in abroad and did hid masters in abroad .so after marriage i was about to stay with him in abraod . My mil and fil are worst to the core . My parents gave everything whatever they demanded . But later on they started demanding some more which was unexpected .

    Our first night was conducted 10 days after marriage looking for an auspicious day . Till then i was staying in inlaws house with mil in middle of me and dh sleeping in bed .10 th day was our first night which was supposed to be conducted in my house . My mil nd fil said let it be conducted in a hotel , since i do hail from orthodox family my parents said it wont be gud to conduct in hotel . My house was far better and spacious than my inlaws house . My house was pretty luxurious and spacious than their house ( pretty deceit than inlaws house ) . My parents made luxirious flower decoration of 12000 rs for my first night alone.
    The next day early morning at 4:30 a.m :bonk itself my mil called my dh when we were in our first night room stating ' do come home early am waiting for you , come and eat with me breakfast ' .

    My dh got up immediately and stared to take bath. By the time my parents got up and started preparing 5 varieties of breaffast items . My dh was so hurry he didnt even talk to my parents or to my brother.My dh told my bro to drop him at his house since its was 1 hr drive from my house. By the time my bro and dh stepped into my inlaws house my mil started making drama by crying loudly stating ' i was waiting for you . why did you come by this time ( it was 8:00 a.m ) i was waiting for you without having my breakfast . you forgot me after marriage ah ? ' my bro was stunned to hear such drammatic actions by her.My dh was supposed to stay in my house after first night since its our practice . All the three days my dh do come to my house by 8:00 p.m in the night to sleep with me , then in the morning he do run back to his house (mil house) .

    Then 4th day was our maru veedu which me nd dh happened to stay in their house (mil house) . Me and dh happened to sleep by 10:00 p.m but my mil and fil dont have mind to let us sleep , both were talking to us about unneccesary topics . we went to sleep by 11:00 p.m , after half a hour i felt my fil and mil both standing near our bedroom door and listening to what me and dh was talking and doing . My mil waz such a pyscho that she cant bear her son (my dh ) sleeping with me . Immediately by 4:00 a.m in the morning she started banging at our bedroom door stating enough of sleeping . By the time i opened the door she looked as if she wants to kill me . My mil started shouting at me stating ' this is what the respect you give for elders . Its 4 o clk you need to sleep further with my son'.:bonk

    The same day my mil prepared pongal which was my dh's fav breafast . Me nd dh ate pongal . Since my dh was having staomach upset he happened to eat less than me . Later my mil came and asked me why you didnt eat pongal . I said i had enough only my dh had less. IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG IN THIS ANSWER omg i dono why she got angry he blasted her son stating ' why you ddint eat pongal i made specially for you ' later my dh started shouting at me stating why did you complaint about me to my mom :( .. Later my mil started telling my hus hit her at mouth she started separating you from me :spin

    OMG all her psycho activities was killing me immediately after my marriage . My fil is not a very decent gentle man he is one more worst to the core . Always will be behind me to drag complaints about me and scold me whenever he gets chance ..

    My dh came for a short leave for marriage so he happen to leave immediately 20 days after marrige to abroad to join his work back.
    After marriage for those 20 days me nd my dh havent been out alone , not even to a movie alone . all the day was he do need to sleep nd listen to his moms lulluby .

    since i was wrking in IT i got stuck with notice period in company . so i ws in a position to stay with inlaws till my notice period gets over. The 2 months i stayed with them was a hell. My mil started showing her anger like providing less food , switching of the fan stating ' why you need fan ? ' , and using annoying words like ' dharidhira munda ' cos my dh got cold went he went to u.s . Stating that he got cold cos of me . And using bad words and scolding my mom and dad . My heart was broken .

    Since i ws in notice period i need to complete my project work before i quit , so at times i do start by 7:30 from office . Immediately when i step into my inlaws do ask what i did in office and why it was late . I do reply them politely . But they inturn ask me ' oor suthitu vandhiya ' . OMG after this conversation they dont even provide me dinner . so i started eating from canteen all 3 times .

    I do call my parents when i was in office cos i dont have rights to use their (mil's ) landline to call my parents. My dh does nt even bother to call me nd talk after reaching abroad . I started calling him but inturn he dont even pick the call . he do call his parents daily but by the time he call them to the landline i will be in office . I thought i chose a wrong guy as my dh . My parents paid air fare for my dh and for me since it was first time . but it didnt stop with tat . My Ils are not happy cos they demanded some more dowry frm my parents which they didnt even ask us before marriage .

    Even when i tried to tell my dh a bout the situation , he dont bother . One sunday he called his parents to the landline after conversation with his parents my mil handed phone to me asking me to talk to my dh , since it was a parallel connection i was talking to my dh over the phone in bedroom . My MIL in a cheap maaner was listening our conversation over other phone in the hall ( such a cheap rate lady ) , immediately when i happend to come to hall she kept the phone .
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2012
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  2. vexed99

    vexed99 New IL'ite

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    The stress and torture didnt stop with that , the day before i was about to fly to my dh, i was sleeping by 10 :00 p.m .Both my mil and fil in the mid night got up at 12:00 started shouting at me by waking me up and started fighting to me stating ' you think my son will come behind you after first night ah , remember we are his world , if we ask him to chuck you out he will do so , you are a dharidhira munda my son got cold and cough immediately after marrying you', ' you think you are going live happily wit my son , dont think we arent there with u ppl over in abroad , i will poke you even when you are there in abroad with my son ' omg waht a pshcho both mil and fil start fighting in middle of sleep .
     
  3. vexed99

    vexed99 New IL'ite

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    Both my mil and fil dont have mind to send me since they receive some more dowry ( which they asked my parents after marriage ) . They want to use me as money making machine . My mom and dad called my dh stating that they are sending their daughter , plzz do look after well at times she might be childish . this is what my parents told to my hubby by calling him over phone. IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG IN THIS . My mil started shouting at me stating your parents want my son to keep you well ah ?? . Yor parents or any of your relatives arent supposed to talk to my son . See my son was suffering alone , even if he get sick he was unable to manage in cooking and house hold work thats the reason we married him . we thought of keeping a home maid for him in abroad but even then maid wont look well so we married you for him ( stating am a servant for their son and not wife :( )
     
  4. vexed99

    vexed99 New IL'ite

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    My mil stated ' unga veetla irundhu yaravadhu en payan kita pesina avanga marriyadha ketudum ' ( if any of ur parents or relatives call my son or talk to him they will be treated disrespectfully .

    By god's grace i landed and was with my dh . I told my parents not to talk to my dh as my inlaws were stating these statements and their behaviour . My parents stopped talking to my dh and my inlaws. 1 month after landing i got pregnant . My pregnancy was so worst . I was having bad nausea and vomitting for first three months . inbetween my inlaws do talk to me ovr phone my parents do talk to me over phone . My mom got sick cos thinking about my life she un uderwent angio . so she couldnt come to my place . I was helpless. My inlaws were planning to come during delivery time .
     
  5. vexed99

    vexed99 New IL'ite

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    My mom dont want to come cos my dh wont tal.k to my parents. first three months of preg was a pathetic all i was happend to eat was a banana and 2 crackers . 10 to 15 times of vomitting per day . At one stage i started having blood vomit too , which was so worst . I was having regular check up to doc . Inbtween my mil started calling my parents stating all their sons salary is going for doc checkup and bananas itself . Though insurance pay my hus my mil want to grab money from my parents with some reason like for my bananas and monthly check up . It was fifth month i went for check up , by then i came to know baby had bilateral cleft lip and cleft palate . Baby was under developed . OMG I felt i do die rather than hearing this
     
  6. vexed99

    vexed99 New IL'ite

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    My dh and inlaws decided to terminate my preg . But since its 5 th month it wasnt easy . So they want to push me to my parents for this termination of preg. i terminated my preg at fifth month . I underwent a bad situation during termination , it was my parents who were with me , who admitted me to hospital . I was admitted on 16th oct evening by then dos started my treatment of termination , i was having labour pain for continous 2 days . Oct 18 th mid night 12:00 i i happend to terminate my preg .
     
  7. vexed99

    vexed99 New IL'ite

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    my inlaws came and visited me in hospital on 19th morning 7:00 clock . The time my mil entered she didnt even ask me how do i feel all she did was started cursing me and shouting at me since even i was half unconcious . My parents felt heart broking hering the curse of my mil .
     
  8. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Vexed99

    I am very sorry for your sufferings and situation. I pray for your fast recovery. I can't believe in 21st century there are still people like your in laws. Whatever happened is good for you. God must have something better for you in future. Your dh and in laws donot deserve you at all. Please stay at your parents home and recover well. Start your job and Then think about getting out of this marriage asap. Don't waste your life in waiting that your dh will change some day. One year of your life is wated don't waste whole life on these monsters. In fact you should file mental harrassment case and claim compensation in divorce (whatever your parents have spent in marriage & dowry).

    I have very important advice/concern for all unmarried girls and newly married women why they don't use contraceptives in initial period of marriage. Please Never ever get pregnant till you are sure about strength of your marriage. Wait for at least 1 or 2 years. Please be practical.
     
    8 people like this.
  9. wannabmommy

    wannabmommy Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    First of all hugs to you n very sorry for your loss. I actually read ur post n typed a reply but thought I wud first let u finish n then reply but cannot stop myself...

    I agree with Proud Indian. And also what kind of a gentleman is your husband??? What is he doing all this while???

    God Bless you dear...take care of yourself!!
     
  10. poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    time to gather youself and stand up for yourself...start with your husband first..if you are in a place where counselling is an option then please go for marital counselling...if he is not willing to then atleast you start taking stands..dont allow him and his family to torture you more...fight for your dignity and rights...i hope is not physically abusing you..if he is,warn him and threaten him that you will call the cops...and do that if he doesnt change...DO NOT GET PREGNANT again....go get yourself contraceptives(either oral or mechanical)....get a job ASAP...when you earn have a seperate account...learn driving....if not possible for a job,then do some online certifications or take up a hobby..take care of your health..NOTHING comes before it..eat whatever you want to and how much you want to...as for your in laws,right now,if they are not living with you then concentrate on building on your life..if you are staying with them then do not tolerate their antiques..take a stand....its a difficult path...in the end if things dont work out then end it..cuz your husband is definitely not a gentleman...talk with him..make him sit down...have a discussion...
     

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