Mending my relationship with my mother

SKK · Nov 20, 2009

I am back with the same problem except it has taken an unexpected twist.
As i stated my moving out has put my mom in a shock and depression. She doesnt look at me, talk to me , flat to say i have become invisible in the house. The moving day is almost close. Couple of weeks back when i broke the news of my moving out, my mom threw too many harsh words and recalling all the unplesant mnute events that happened from day 1 of my marriage. I couldnt beleive that could recall the most minute events that i could hardly recall it ever happened. This made me conclude not to approach my mom to make her understand the situation. I did say one thing very clearly to her that i will not reveal the true purpose of my move. I will make up as my kids schooling because my moms main concern was the society comments.

The shock of my life. My uncle had visited and mom told him so ill of me, also blaming my husband for the move and even stated me as an ungrateful dog to him. She was least bothered that i would hear their conversation. All i could do was cry in my room. I couldnt confront her at thst moment as it would be humiliating myself in front of our relatives. I was also afraid she might throw more false comments and humiliate me further. I cannot discuss this to my husband as he would blow up and may completely disconnect them from his life.

I am so down and depressed asi am not able to digest how could my mom talk so low abt to to our relatives.

Malyatha · Nov 20, 2009

SKK said: ↑

I am back with the same problem except it has taken an unexpected twist.
As i stated my moving out has put my mom in a shock and depression. She doesnt look at me, talk to me , flat to say i have become invisible in the house. The moving day is almost close. Couple of weeks back when i broke the news of my moving out, my mom threw too many harsh words and recalling all the unplesant mnute events that happened from day 1 of my marriage. I couldnt beleive that could recall the most minute events that i could hardly recall it ever happened. This made me conclude not to approach my mom to make her understand the situation. I did say one thing very clearly to her that i will not reveal the true purpose of my move. I will make up as my kids schooling because my moms main concern was the society comments.

The shock of my life. My uncle had visited and mom told him so ill of me, also blaming my husband for the move and even stated me as an ungrateful dog to him. She was least bothered that i would hear their conversation. All i could do was cry in my room. I couldnt confront her at thst moment as it would be humiliating myself in front of our relatives. I was also afraid she might throw more false comments and humiliate me further. I cannot discuss this to my husband as he would blow up and may completely disconnect them from his life.

I am so down and depressed asi am not able to digest how could my mom talk so low abt to to our relatives.
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Move out. You do NOT deserve this kind of treatment.

I am not a big fan of the joint family system. It's OK to live in the same compound or near each other but not WITH each other. Living with anyone other than your spouse and minor children - even if our own parents - just ruins the relationship. Just grit your teeth and leave on moving day.

This too will pass.

SriVidya75 · Nov 20, 2009

SKK

you have to give your mom enough time to let her realise that you are grown up and you would take care of yourself and your family..even if your mom is not around!!!

My first thought when I read your post was....its kind of an emotional abuse towards you....however please dont feel bad or angry...yes there will be that hurt lingering around....yes do not discuss this with your husband...and pls do not look back or do not try to understand how the future is going to be....you have to move out..and have a house of your own...family of your own...things would surely fall in place...wishing you the best!!

asuitablegirl · Nov 20, 2009

I agree with the other ladies. Stick to your plan and MOVE OUT.

Also, don't confront your mom about what she said to your Uncle. She is trying to lure you into a fight. She purposly said it so you'd hear it, thinking you would confront her so she could get more attention from you. Like I said in my other post to you, your mom needs to learn the difference between Good attention and Bad attention. This is the bad type. Calling you a dog? Don't reward her by discussing it. Let her calm down and act right before attempting to rebuild the relationship.

About your husband, I don't think you should tell him about this incident because he will be mad for sure. Any spouse would be mad hearing their significant other called 'ungreatful dog'... so since you have the goal of patching up later on, just keep this incident under your hat.

And for the record, you should not feel humiliated by what was said about you. Your MOM should feel humiliated for saying it.

Cheer up soon. Good luck with your move.

blessed · Nov 21, 2009

I can understand your feelings and how hurt you would be when your own mom calling you "ungrateful dog". But its okay I bet she will regret for her words and may be even apologise, you please go ahead with your plans and as the other ladies warned you dont even discuss this with your DH, then the whole situation will be out of control and probably your DH will never step into your mom's house again.

All the best and my God bless you