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Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus; But Are They Equal?

Discussion in 'Varalotti Rengasamy's Short & Serial Stories' started by varalotti, Jun 24, 2005.

  1. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Strange are the ways of the society. You see a typical matrimonial ad issued on behalf of a widow or a divorcee who is woman. The ad will say prominently – No encumberances meaning that the woman in question has not had any children by the previous marriage and therefore the prospective husband need not be afraid of any ‘encumbrances’.

    In one way it is a sad comment on the men’s outlook that they will see the woman’s children only as an ‘encumbrance’ and not for what they really are, ‘children’

    At the same time a man who has lost his wife but has children will flaunt his children and say, ‘See I don’t want a wife; but my children want a mother. Hence I am marrying again.’ And the poor woman who is to marry him will automatically become the mother of his first wife’s children. Not only that, the woman has to be proud of her status as a mother to the children whom she has not given birth to.

    By the same token should not a man who is to marry a widow view her children as his? Can the widow say (and if she says, will the society accept) ‘See, I don’t want a husband; but my children want a father. Hence I am marrying again’ ? Gender inequality (read, male-superiority) is deeply ingrained in the psyches of our men and it may take a thousands of years before it is completely wiped off.

    Take our Tamil movies. I know one very popular hero. He acted with a beautiful heroine some ten or twelve years ago. They looked like made for each other couple. And last year there was a movie in which the same actor was the hero. And the lady who acted as his wife and lover in the old movie is his mother in the new movie! The actress has aged, no doubt. But so has the hero! Why should we give a preferential treatment to an ageing hero, but a differential treatment to an ageing heroine?

    The answer to this uncomfortable question is the popular myth. Men don’t age much compared to a woman. The problem is popular acceptance. An ageing hero is accepted whereas an ageing heroine is not.

    This apart from being a disgrace to the womanhood is actually a greater disgrace to menfolk. Men see in women nothing more than physical beauty. So when the actress ages, men lose interest. Whereas women see much more than the physical attraction in men. So when the actors age and the physical attraction goes away, still women see him attractive – may be his grace, his style, his delivery of words, whatever.

    I am not indulging in a kind of feminist rage here. I am just placing some observed facts for your examination.

    I am abruptly stopping this snippet here because I want some one to continue this thread and let us deepen our understanding of the society we live in.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2005
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  2. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    There are exceptions

    The society at large has a notion as u have mentioned in ur snippet.

    But i know an elderly couple. The woman was widowed at a young age, left to care for her two toddler sons. She was sterilised and could no more bear a child. The man fell head over heels in love with her and even after her initial hesitations, covinced her that he would marry her and care for her children like his own. They got married.

    He din't repent for once that he din't have a child of his own. He has kept up his word. It's two and half decades since, they are still a happy family and he is an exemplary dad and the children know everything, but love him like how people love their real dads.


    Hope there are more people like him in the society. It will surely make the world a better place.
     
    meepre, afcpreethi and ammusatheesh like this.
  3. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Prathi for quoting that lovely incident. Incidents like the one you quoted are few and far between;but they instill confidence in us and give us an assurance that human beings as a race has a future. thanks for the reply, Prathi
    sridhar
     
  4. vishnu vandana

    vishnu vandana New IL'ite

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    mans world

    no matter u say men and women are equal, belive it or not, this is a mans world.
    A man can do any thing he wants ,but a woman has no choice of hers . when she is with her parents , she has to abide by their rules. once married has to follow her husband, and later adjust herself acoording to her children. She has no life of hers.

    I always have this quetsion, why is it a woman has to show a proof that she is married from head to toe, where as man has no proof. why always we???

    no has answered this question. she lives for more than 20years or more with her parents and just in one night after her marrige she has to change herself completley. Wear no shorts, jeans, no talking with boys .... why why, man has to change nothing after marriaige . he stay with his parents , does wat ever he wants, can wear wat he likes, does wat ever he likes. Why is that choice not given to woman why why.. just one marriage has to change so much in a woman' life .

    why is she not given a life which she wants to live, if she asks for , she gets a tag" stubborn", " no manners" very much expolited .

    Why in our society a woman is considered to be incomplete if she is not married.


    I have seen in many cases, were a women is not happy with her husband, who has been beaten by husband , is advised to adjust and live. But one thing which is changed in this world is that she can take a divorce.

    But after that her life becomes more miserable for her and for her family. why is it like this

    I wish i get answers for these ....
     
  5. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Very Pertinent, Poignant Questions

    Dear Vishnu Vandana,
    I can see your rage in your reply. But whatever you have said is sadly true. Of course I do not say that all women are perfect and all men are crooks. But the system favours the men all the time. As I have said when the wife dies and the husband opts for a second marriage more often than not he opts for a fresh, unmarried girl who will act as mother to his children. But when it comes to divorced women or widows their strong selling point is having no encumbrances - read no children.
    As it is very relevant to raise these poignant questions it is equally relevant not to rush with answers. Changes in society and system may take generations; but as responsible people we should lead and the direct this change.
    I am grateful that my snippet (written long back) has made you pour out your feelings. Let's hear about this from the other ladies in our site.
    sridhar
     
  6. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

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    Did you not know that WOMAN is special in God's eyes?

    Dear Friends, ​

    When there is so much debate going on about MARS Vs VENUS, I thought I'd post this message to all you Woman there................​


    GOD'S LETTER TO A WOMAN



    When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being.



    When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.




    But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man, because your nostrils are too delicate.


    I allowed a deep sleep to come over him



    so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.





    Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity.



    From one bone, I fashioned you.



    I chose the bone that protects man's life.



    I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him,



    as you are meant to do.


    Around this one bone, I shaped you....... I modeled you.


    I created you perfectly and beautifully.



    Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile.



    You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart.


    His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.



    The ribcage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart.


    Support man as the rib cage supports the body.




    You were not taken from his feet, to be under him,
    nor were you taken from his head, to be above him.

    You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.




    You are my perfect angel.....You are my beautiful little girl.



    You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence,



    and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.



    Your eyes...don't change them.



    Your lips, how lovely when they part in prayer.



    Your nose, so perfect in form.



    Your hands so gentle to touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep.




    I've held your heart close to mine.
    Of all that lives and breathes, you are most like me.




    Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely.



    He could not See me or touch me. He could only feel me.




    So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you;
    my Holiness, my Strength, my Purity, my Love, my Protection and Support.


    You are special because you are an extension of me.



    Man represents my image, woman my emotions.



    Together, you represent the totality of God.





    So man......treat woman well.





    Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me.





    What you do to her, you do to me.



    In crushing her, you only damage your own heart;



    the heart of your Father, and the heart of her Father.




    Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion




    In gentle quietness, show your strength.



    In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.




     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 18, 2006
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  7. Divyavignesh

    Divyavignesh Gold IL'ite

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    A very good article, i had a big argument with my husband yesterday and i was searching for some thread similar to this. My husband says physical attraction is more infact the most important in married life. well our's is love marriage and i have a small tummy. Small means very small, But my husband wants me to look like a model. i am working and i don't get to gym regularly but i do all household work and no maid. I really want to hear from others , physical attraction is the moost important or the inner beauty /quality actually matters????


    Regards
    Divya
     
  8. Parasuram

    Parasuram New IL'ite

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    Read ur post. Your article is thought provoking.
     
  9. aminroop

    aminroop IL Hall of Fame

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    well im no model. im married and i may have a huge tummy. and i wud like someone who wud accept me jus as i am and not try to change me. having said that, if i feel my tummy causes me look older than my years or isnt healthy, then i wud take steps towards changing that.not cos my hubby or someone else wants me to change. im not a model for a reason. and he married me knowing that quite well.



    the bottomline is while physical attraction may be certainly one aspect of a committed relationship, but it shudnt be the only aspect and the basis of that relationship!
     
  10. kamdev1

    kamdev1 Silver IL'ite

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    I believe what you said in this article is purely from women's point of view.
    Men find women old and mature women equally attractive.
    And give more value to old women (Mothers, Widows etc.)

    In films, the actors age, but they look more handsome. Women are more attracted to men who are matured. This is a known fact.

    So the Pendulum swings both ways. :)

     

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