Meaning of Life....

Life goes by at its usual pace.We get up with the sun rise, move to our workplace & exert ourselves all day long to prove our mettle. There are lots of trials & tribulations which we face each day.We try desperately to come out of these knots successfully.Being successful & praise worthy is our soul motto. Each & every hour we work , there is a gnawing feeling of getting dissolved into sea of discontentment due to an impending failure waiting for us at the next corner.
Is this what we call living. Are we really living our lives or are we living our fears. Many nights pass by when our fears & our insecurities dance before us in different sillhoutes in the dark nights mocking us at our fragilness. We get up bathed in sweat & try to find out words which could appease our insecurities.
Since when did life become so demeaning. The parameters of measuring ourselves on the success scale directs our complete persona.Sometimes I feel we have stopped living & started fitting ourselves in the rat-race to out-power one other. We have sold off our soul to materalistic world & forgot the very small & sweet things which used to bring smile on our face & peace at our heart when we were young & free.
I wish to become young & free again. I want to relive my childhood . Memories of people who were once there to shield me off from the ghost of the demanding world haunt me. I yearn for them to come back & envelope me in their soothing essence. Sometimes I wish there were here when I feel dark & lonely to embalm my insecurities.But alas! this is not possible. I need to face all this alone.I have to exert enough to become numero uno.Give in my best & be a leader or just fall off & become a shadow.
The question is who decides the parameters of a successful personality.What is success. Does it mean having a posh car waiting to pick you up & millons waiting to bow down to you at every second .What if I don't have any of this & am still a happy & a free spirited mortal. Should I be termed unsuccessful. Sadly the world follows this thumb rule & we all work like puppets to prove ourselves in this report card. We crush our intuitiveness, crush our simple wants & longings, forget to sit & rest & only thing we remember is to win at any cost. I really miss sitting in my compound on a warm sunny day swinging my legs freely, enjoying a juicy mango & listenning to the humming bee. What a magical moment it must be with a calmed mind & free soul which worries nothing & fears no one. But alas now I have nothing even close to this beautiful dream , all I have is my ghostly worries. Yes, We have defintely turned into zombies whose first & last aim is to outshine our own selves.
I was feeling uneasy the whole evening. Thoughts of being free again has been knocking at my soul for long. But I'm a coward or should I say I'm too much into this deep hole of wants & needs. Fear of people raising their eye-brows, finding me worthless or most importantly my own tuning to the wordly desires will never allow me to be free again.I will keep oscillating between what my soul wants & what my mind desires like a timeless pendulum...
This is life & I'm sailing through it, braving the thunderous waves of pains & insecurities.It is tough but I have to cross the tumultuous sea of life to reach my destined end.