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Me Too?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Oct 10, 2018.

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  1. ano

    ano Silver IL'ite

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    People and attitudes like this is precisely why women don't report. If she reports, she is one who will be on put on the stand and her character/her life put under a magnifying glass for the world to judge.
    What was she wearing? Was she drinking? if yes, how many drinks? Was she alone with the guy? does she not know that "akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai"( has a more sexist sentence ever been spoken?)
    Now, you have supplied us with a new question- did she slap her assaulter? was it a hard slap? was it immediate?


    All I want to say is none of above factors negate the fact that it is still assault.
    The least we owe the victim is the right to tell her story and not slut shame her.

    As I am writing this I do realize that you are not going to change your mind.

    All I hope from writing this is that if there is a young woman out there who needs the courage to come forward will find it, when she reads all these responses. She will know that there are people who will believe her and she deserves justice no matter how short her skirt was!
     
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  2. ano

    ano Silver IL'ite

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  3. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Satchi, the girls from not-so-well-to-do/conservtive families you are tlalking about were proably conditioned from childhood not to play with boys , not to talk to them after puberty etc. Such girls when they go to a workplace w.. where the atmosphere is far more Liberal, i. often extremely liberal it comes as a culture shock. Not conditioned/trained for healthy man-woma n in teraction, they may see innocuous gestures and words as harassment. But such girls don't speak up. R They either suffer in silence or quit the job and wait to to be married off. They certainly won't dare to complain even after 30 years.

    Those who are complaining are starlets, media professionals and other women involved with Bollywood or the media. In these fields men and women work closely and women who enter these fields where biug sharks eat the smaller ones must have a certain degree of fearlessness. And if they had really wanted could have complained immediately . Even if you accept the idea that trauma prevented from complaining, 30 years is a bit too long period even for that .The longer you wait, the more the credibility of your claim ebbs. I Some girl entering Bollywood does not enter there believing that it is packed with chivalrous knights in shining armor She knows what kind of men it has. Inappropriate behaviour is something she would have been prepared for. So she should asve been prepared to counter it too. To quote Ms.Arora;s views I had quoted earlier what was needed was "short essay" of slaps. But instead of complaining they put up with nonsense for years.fearing any such move would affect their career. It is not trauma but more the fear of a blighted career that silences them What they need is guts to say no at the right time and a few slaps to enforce their point if nrcessary, not decades of silence.
     
  4. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Quote: But instead of complaining they put up with nonsense for years.fearing any such move would affect their career. It is not trauma but more the fear of a blighted career that silences them Unquote
    If the above is true also, I cannot blame the concerned, because their career may be all important to them. There is nothing wrong in it. What is required is that women are able to carry on their work / interests without any harassment . What we as women really hope for is that through this Me too movement, it is the men who would require guts to try letting go of their baser instincts to target women who they feel are or will not be in a position to fight against.
    The passage of time in no way lessens the wrongs if there was one.
     
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  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Balajee, let us say this is right. However, if I was a man working some place, I would not try to get too familiar with a new female employee on day 1. If I noticed over time that she was a hyper-sensitive or uber conservative kind, I would be careful what I say to her and remain perfectly professional.

    Even as a woman who meets many kinds in my work, I would not exactly go shaking hands with priests of any order in my class or outside. This is just common sense and sensitivity.

    I agree that the me too campaign is exposing more men in powerful positions like politicians, or in the film industry, media etc. But that does not make the complaints any less valid. In fact, it is these men who are habitual offenders, and not just that, they consider it their birthright by virtue of their position and power.


    Just because these women have waited to get sufficient support from others in the same position as them before gathering the courage to complain, it does not mean their claims are not credible. As for credibility, when did any woman claiming harassment have any credibility - be it sexual harassment, molestation, 'eve teasing', harassment by ILs etc. - unless they had physical signs to prove the same (in which case they might still be told that this is a 'domestic' matter or to shut up for the sake of family honour). Maybe if they ended up dead, there might be a hue and cry, but there will still be a majority who would say she probably asked for it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2018
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  6. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    I am not saying that the claims are not true. I am just saying that if they delay for years and in some cases for n decades the credibility dims. Querstions will naturally arise why wait for such a long time?
     
  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Like it or not we unfortunately are living in a society wherer b oys from early days are conditioned to believe women are inferior, subordinate beings and girls get thde same idea dinned into their heads They are asked not to play with boys not to interact normallywith them after puberty. We are living in a still conservative society. Ideally yes boys should be taught to respect girls and girls taught to stand up to men. But sucha nthing nis a slow process here. So in fields where there is a close interaction of genders me n tend to become predators but it is not such a b uig disease that cxan't be cured by a tight slap, a squirt of chilly spray and a hit by a taser. So silence for years does not make sense.
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The answer is in your very words. Ideally girls should be taught to stand up to men. But such a thing is a slow process. Girls have been conditioned since childhood to take it easy, to adjust, to not rock the boat. So, it is naive to expect them to use tight slap, chilli spray, taser. Silence for years does not make sense. Silence for years shows their helplessness, the intensity and how yet another few generations would have taken it to their graves.

    Ironic that you say such a thing takes time, yet immediately lay upon the girls the responsibility to react right away. But come to think of it... that is the way it is. Always lay the burden of changing course of things in society on girls.

    *bold font in quoted post is mine.
     
  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    I know you don't condone the sexual assault and misconduct by men in any place or form. The difference of opinion is whether to give a tight slap or spray chili powder or use the slippers to punish the man or report him to the police. More the women educated themselves and became part of the economic growth of the country, the sexual harassment/assault problems increased many fold. The women had to either talk to the parents or go directly to the police and both of them would have advised them to stay quiet in the interest of the girl those days. Now, the women are stronger and with the technology development, are willing to share their experiences publicly to shame the men. Let the men who are accused defend themselves. The question we have to ask ourselves is why the women who were told to stay quiet all these years are now coming forward? The effect of such sexual harassment/assault had created such a heavy impact in their emotional health and they are breaking their silence or direction to be silent to get that out of their system. By telling them not to come out late after so many years, we are punishing them once again from releasing their emotional stress.

    You can probably answer one last time and close this thread with 100 posts.

    Viswa
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2018
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    That was my opinion too, and remains in some cases. But, one particular case that came out got me thinking. Sandhya Mridul and Alok Nath. How could she have come out against him when she was beginning her career and he the most loved dad in Bollywood and TV world? Is it fair to expect her to have sacrificed what little success she achieved?

    I liked to watch her for her intelligent acting and relatively good choice of TV serials. Felt sorry that she had to experience that from Alok Nath. He is becoming the Bill Cosby of India!
     
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