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Me Too?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Oct 10, 2018.

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  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    The doorbell rang and I opened the door to find an old friend of mine standing there panting. I.


    “Do you know a good lawyer? My grandpa/s in trouble” he said as soon as he collapsed into a sofa.


    I was delighted secretly to know that the gramps was in trouble. The 95-year old guy was a bloody nuisance. He was a real people repellent. Whenever someone made the huge mistake of visiting his house, the old man starved of conversation partners will bore them to death. I am sure when he kicks the nbucket he will become an inastrument of torture in hell.


    “Trouble?” I asked feigning concern.


    “With nlaw” he said. “A lady just about to kiss 90 is suing him for sexual harassment”


    “FOR WHAT!!!?


    “Sexual harassment” repeated my pal . “In his nlaten teens it seems gramps used to belt out romantic numbers by now almost forgotten actor –singers like M.K.T.Bhagavathar and P.U/.Chinnappa when this girl, now a grany passed his house. . Then she didn’t realize it was sexual harassment. But now several decades many grandkids and a great grandkid later enlightens has dawned on her and she has filed a complaint against gramps”

    “Oh God” I ghroaned pretending to be concerned.


    “Not only him. It has become an epidemic. A nneighbour A sixtyish ex-army colonel, is getting sued for whistling at his dog”


    “By whom? By the dog?” I asked.



    “No you idiot. By a fiftyish lady who thought he was whistling at her while it was his habit to whistle at the pooch running around in the oark to make it come to him”


    Male of the species, beware! You are facing a serious threat. Any member of the opposite gender could haul you up before law for sexual harassment , even for perfectly innocuous acts. If you unwittingly rub shoulders or some other part of the anatomy with a lady in a crowded bus or metro, the long arm of law could reach out to you.



    You will run a greater risk if you become a celebrity after the incident. The lady whom you rubbed the wrong way might remember the incident decades later and try a shot at fame by getting you ninto trouble.


    Pleeeeeeeeeeeeese don’t try to lynch me thinking n nI am a champion of sexual harassment, I just don’t undertstand what it actually means.



    Rape, yes, molestation yes but what is this nebulous term called sexual harassment?


    The whole problem is a law on crimes against women that is co mpletely one-sided. It is loaded againt men, taking a woman’s complaint as gospel truth. It is completely blind to the possibility that women could file false complaints too on being scorned and in showbiz for not getting roles . They ncan take on someone seething with a sense of injured merit like Shakespeare’s Iago and make that person’s like miserable.



    This Me too mania is fuelled by TV channels that put TRP over truth. They are having a field day adding fuelnto the Me Too fire. Encouraged by them Me Too cases are emerging from nowhere. People are getting shaken out of (alleged) amnesia and remember that they have been sexually harassed by some celebrity or other about say, quarter century ago.


    In these cases we have forgotten the basic rule of good jurisprudence—the onus of proof lies on the accuser, not the accused.


    To set things right we need a foolproof definition what sexual harassment is and if proved, fix stringent punishments for it. But please ensure that the burden of proof is on the accuser. And set a time limit for filing the charges. Ignore those who wake up decades after the alleged incident.


    I am all for draconian punishment for crimes against women. Let rapists be jailed for life and make death mandatory for rapists-cum murderers, but plrase remember tha there is every possibility of false allegations when it comes to sexual harassment. It could be 30 seconds of fame or it could be vengeance that leads to charges in this respect
     
    sumalynux, peddadas and Viswamitra like this.
  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    I agree that everyone is innocent until proven guilty and onus to prove a person guilty is with the accuser. At the same time, children abused by men can't be expected to report or prove anything as they are already shattered by such experiences.

    Yes. There is a possibility for someone to falsely accuse a celebrity or even try to extract money out of a celebrity. But if a woman who is happily married, having a private life and great reputation personally comes forward to accuse a person of high society about what he did, at least, an effort has to be made to thoroughly investigate such complaint.

    Whistling for a dog or accidental shouldering of someone are obviously not sexual harassment but falling on a woman in a bus upon applying break could be intentional. If you ask any woman who travels by public transport, invariably everyone would have experienced such touch by men. If men learn to be extra careful and apologize for accidental touch, sexual harassment cases would come down.

    Viswa
     
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  3. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    vISWA YOU ARE RIGHT IN CASE OF CHILD MOLESTATION BUT WHEN A WOMAN REMEMBERS AFTER TWO DECADES THAT SHE HAS BEEN SEXUALLY HARASSED Y A CELEBRITY, WE MUST TAKE IT WITH MORE THAN A PINCH OF SALT. aLSO THE PROBLEM IS NO ONE HAS DEFOI.NED WHAT EXACTLY IS " SEXUAL HARASSMENT. iS IT MAKING JUST LEWD COMMENTS OR DOES THE HARASASDER HAVE TO GET PHYSICAL?
     
  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    It is difficult to define sexual harassment as it happens in different forms. A lewd comment in the company of a single woman or women, asking inconvenient sexual questions to a woman, unwanted or frequent touches of a woman employee, hugging a woman frequently to congratulate or other flimsy reasons, etc.

    I remember asking an executive to resign in 1994 for asking a young mother whether she breast feeds her child. He was a HR executive himself and thought no one would take action against him. He was ready to apologize to the woman but she rejected his apology. We had a zero tolerance policy as we had too many female software engineers in our company. She was still unhappy that I asked him to resign instead of firing him with no reference letter.

    Viswa
     
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  5. ashwinid01

    ashwinid01 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Viswa Sir,
    Please pardon my ignorance, but how is it offensive to ask a mother of infant/toddler if she is breastfeeding? Was it with wrong intention?
    I am a mother of 2 young kids. I don't find it offensive if asked in normal way.

    I find it simply crazy, women have been fighting for ages not to get "Eeew, disgusting" comments for breastfeeding in public, but on the other hand if a male colleague asks are you breastfeeding it's inappropriate.. How?? Why??
     
  6. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @ashwinid01,

    Yes, it was a wrong intention. He had a sexual harassment complaint against him prior to that. He had a history of sexual harassment. Moreover, why would someone summon a woman employee who delivered a baby recently, to his office to ask just this question? Besides, you may be comfortable discussing it with a male colleague but the employee who complained wasn't. She might be discussing it with other female employees but not certainly with a HR Executive. Moreover, what the HR Executive's objective to ask such question unless the woman employee asks for private space or bring the infant to the office?
     
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  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    tHAT DEPENDS ON WHO IS ASKING? iF THE FAMILY WOMEN LIKE mil OR THR HUSBAND OR HER DOCTOR ASK HER THIS IT IS PERFECTLY OKAY.bUT CERTAINLY NOT A TOTAL STRANGER AND EVEN A MALE ACQUAINTANCE!
     
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  8. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    I would disrespectfully disagree Sir. This whole statement of "You are coming out with this story after two decades? Then that must be untrue" is one of the main reasons why women do not come forward and suffer in silence. I am not sure if you are someone who has undergone sexual abuse as a young child or as a teenager even. There are a million things that stop a teenager/vulnerable young men and women from voicing the harrasment immediately after it has occured. After 20 years, when he/she is a stronger person, is more stable in life and finally has the courage to say something - we shut him/her up with such comments. I think it is very unfair to assume that someone who is speaking out the truth after 20 years is probably doing it for the limelight.
    And what exactly is sexual harrasment? Anything that makes a person on the other side uncomfortable is sexual harrasment. It could be a look , it could be a wink, it could be a joke that is made, it need not even be a "lewd" comment, it could be ANYTHING. According to me, If the opposite person is made to feel like they are in an uncomfortable situation relating to a sexual nature, it is sexual harrasment. I think trying to make joke of an actual trauma (yes, sexual harrasment is a trauma) is a little tone deaf.
     
  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    yOU CANNOT COMPARE A NCHILD OR YOUNG ADULT SUFFERING SEXUAL AB USE WITH A WOMAN HARASSED IN A PUB AS IS THE CAS HERE. wHEN SHE REMEMBERS THE ALLEGED INCIDENT AFTER TWO DECADES WE HAVE TO TAKE IT WITH MORE THAN A PINCH OF SALT.
     
  10. HazelPup

    HazelPup Platinum IL'ite

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    Well Said
     
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