# Me Too And A Knee-jerk Reaction By Men

GeetaKashyap · Oct 14, 2018

suasin said: ↑

I told my DH, that I won't trust my daughter even with him and thats when he understood.. It wasn't that I wasn't touched inappropriately afterwards, it happened 100s of times in much worse ways.. I have forgotten them. This one was by someone I trusted, it broke my innocence, was so horrible and left such a deep wound, I think, I will never trust any man with my daughter.. I generally don't confront anyone as it's an anonymous forum and we already have so much IRL, but I couldn't even control myself as I type this..

They have no idea.. It will take a thousand years....
Click to expand...

I understand how damaging these experiences are; they kill our trust and our being.

Urmila · Oct 14, 2018

Dear Geetha,
That’s a very good thread and motivating one.

GeetaKashyap · Oct 14, 2018

Urmila said: ↑

Dear Geetha,
That’s a very good thread and motivating one.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the encouraging fb, dear Urmila.

Btw, I am appreciative of all the links you have been providing on IL. They are real eye-openers. Thank you.

Viswamitra · Oct 14, 2018

Dear Smt. GeetaKashyap:

Every such pent up emotions will have to eventually come out. If it is at a broader level, it would become a revolution. What we are experiencing as #Me Too movement is nothing but pent up emotions of women for a prolonged period of time of men in power blatantly abusing vulnerable women. It would eventually evolve into a large movement that would cover day to day harassment that happens in public transportation or even inappropriate verbal communication to the women. The days are not far off from awareness raising beyond a certain level to scare the miscreants to keep their hands from women.

The boys from a very young age should be taught to respect girls as fellow-beings who deserve the respect the boys deserve. Cat calls from the walls, stalking and making lewd comments to embarrass girls should be strictly prohibited. #Me Too movement can be called-off only when the girls and women begin to trust other boys and men and don't have to prepare themselves for sexual advances or acid attacks or other unwanted approaches. Until then, #Me Too will continue.

Viswa

Minie34 · Oct 14, 2018

Me too is absolutely need of the hour. Let's be honest each n every Indian girls/women have probably been through harassment. It's time to name n shame publicly. The problem is sometimes even after naming shaming no one takes the girl seriously. It's always made out that it's the girls fault or she's a liar. But still we need to speak up.

GeetaKashyap · Oct 14, 2018

Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear Smt. GeetaKashyap:

Every such pent up emotions will have to eventually come out. If it is at a broader level, it would become a revolution. What we are experiencing as #Me Too movement is nothing but pent up emotions of women for a prolonged period of time of men in power blatantly abusing vulnerable women. It would eventually evolve into a large movement that would cover day to day harassment that happens in public transportation or even inappropriate verbal communication to the women. The days are not far off from awareness raising beyond a certain level to scare the miscreants to keep their hands from women.

The boys from a very young age should be taught to respect girls as fellow-beings who deserve the respect the boys deserve. Cat calls from the walls, stalking and making lewd comments to embarrass girls should be strictly prohibited. #Me Too movement can be called-off only when the girls and women begin to trust other boys and men and don't have to prepare themselves for sexual advances or acid attacks or other unwanted approaches. Until then, #Me Too will continue.

Viswa
Click to expand...

Thanks for your open support to the #MeToo movement. I agree with you totally.

GeetaKashyap · Oct 14, 2018

Minie34 said: ↑

Me too is absolutely need of the hour. Let's be honest each n every Indian girls/women have probably been through harassment. It's time to name n shame publicly. The problem is sometimes even after naming shaming no one takes the girl seriously. It's always made out that it's the girls fault or she's a liar. But still we need to speak up.
Click to expand...

You are absolutely right. We must be more vocal and support each other.

Thyagarajan · Oct 14, 2018

GeetaKashyap said: ↑

We live in a land that is referred to as Bharat Maata, our earth is Bhoomaata, we worship Durga Maa (incidentally, this is Navratri season!), yet we don't like our women or their well-being. We look at them as objects of entertainment or the subservient beings and we never miss an opportunity to snuff them out. We love our women when they are in the photo frames or follow all the diktats laid down by men!

#MeToo movement has arrived in India to the discomfort of Indian men. Several women have bravely come out with their stories about harassment and sexual abuse at the workplace in the hands of men who were their bosses, seniors in their profession and who could control their future.

#MeToo is a passionate issue for women because most of us have been in that situation or we have been forced to change our paths, strategies or accept a step-down assignment while the perpetrator of the crime got away scot-free. Haven’t everyone seen this and can’t they understand the injustice women have been subjected to. When men and women are integral parts of the biological system and when we need one another from birth to death, what do men gain by forcing women to be subservient and ill-treat them at every walk of life? Why don't they treat women as humans and equal partners?

Whenever women voiced their concerns they were asked to ignore or shut up by their organizations, friends and parents. Most women have suffered a silent rage all along; mental trauma, a sense of self-doubt, loss of esteem, loss of courage or drive to dream big, a general loss of faith in the society and so on. With the #MeToo gaining momentum, voices that were hitherto buried have risen.

Why Don't Victims of Sexual Harassment Come Forward Sooner? | Psychology Today

God has been immensely kind to me and I have not experienced the worst as many other women have experienced. (Whatever little happened, I had to keep quiet. I never learnt to dream big or take big leaps of faith. I spent all my energies in ‘protect' myself!) As little girls, we were taught how to stand, sit, eat, and give up on many dreams because we lived in a man's world. When we complained against boys, we were asked to ignore, change our course and stay in groups for our own good. Hardly anybody thought that boys too had to be taught to stop misbehaving, to treat and respect girls as equals.

As young vulnerable girls we learnt the following lessons:

1. Don't go without the protection of an adult (because men attack)

2. Avoid public places (because men can't control their hands)

3. If anyone tries to act smart, put your head down and walk away (because men don't like any reasons or logic; when their fragile egos are hurt, they can stalk, threaten with worst consequence, physically or sexually assault, throw acid and so on. Since boys will be boys, a girl's safety is in her silence.)

4. Hide from the public gaze (because men have no control over their urges)

……. What a list of fantastic lessons that we learnt! With such lessons and constant misconduct by men around, we survived and achieved whatever little we could. How fair was our situation? Do boys grow under such suffocating situations?

What I don't understand is why every man should get negatively disturbed and defensive as the #MeToo gains momentum? Why are they bent upon slut shaming, publically abusing and accusing women of being greedy for a few moments of name and fame? This knee-jerk reaction astonishes and shocks me to the core. Do I fail to understand why are men so apprehensive? Why are they imagining the worst outcome? Is it guilt or fear that is affecting them? Why are they so particular about the time frame? When there is an able legal system in India, it is for the accuser and the accused to sort out the issue. Let them battle it out and may the right one win the case and till then why call these women names and overreact with statements like women are opportunists, gold diggers, serpents etc and they asked for the trouble by aiming high and so on? Even a sex worker has the right to say ‘NO' and that has to be respected. Nobody has the right to violate another person and walk away free. Would these men who are so rattled by #MeToo, keep quiet and support the predators had their mothers or daughters been attacked?

I am unable to understand the fear psychosis that has gripped men and we have to laud the amazing sense of solidarity they are displaying with the accused! Why aren't there any responsible articles by men acknowledging the unfairness? Why no responsible advice from men to other men to stop their predatory habits? Instead of slut shaming the accusers, why aren't the accused men shamed publically? (Today actor Akshay Kumar, Farhan Akhtar and Farah Khan have issued statements against Sajid Khan’s indiscretions. This is a positive move.) Instead of acknowledging the possibility of an offence, why are ludicrous and inane jokes being made at the cost of women belittling their concerns?

Of late, I am hearing 'wise' men say that henceforth we need only single-sex offices, we must refuse to work with women, we must not employ women and so on. Any logic in this 'All or none' reactions?

A certain Geetanjali Arora's tough talk against #MeToo is being showcased on the social media to trivialize the movement. If this is an authentic post, I would say that this lady is gutsy and immensely lucky. None of the guys slapped by her threw acid on her, organized a joint assault or rape! During my tenth public exam, our centre was a boy's school. Because I refused to allow the boy next to me to copy from my answer sheet, he spat on me in the examination hall and wrote dirty things on my books kept outside the hall, he and his gang followed me till my home like a pack of wolves and when I complained to our invigilator, all he said was, 'ignore and write the exam, nothing will happen'! For the remaining days, my father would escort me to and from the exam centre! For many days even after the exams, I would freeze looking at those guys hovering around my home. Everyone knows what happens in the public transport buses and how no one steps forward to stop those anti-social elements harassing girls or women. Slapping is unimaginable under those circumstances when the public around acts dumb, deaf and blind!

Agreed, that many cases that have come up on the social media and many men have been named. Some of the cases seem frivolous. In many cases, prima facie we know when the case is an opportunistic one. For example, the case against Chetan Bhagat seems totally flimsy to me. A few such cases do not destroy the authenticity of the scores of such other cases. In Tanushree Vs Nana case, there are strong shreds of evidence in her favour; journalists, ADs and others on the set have corroborated her statements, yet I don't see her getting enough support or sympathy. Nana's political connection, good social acts and talent seem to make him immune!

Let us give both of them the benefit of doubt. May there be a fair trial and at the end of it let us all jointly shame the opportunistic woman or the man. Till then, can we be a bit restrained in our reactions?

********************************************************************************
Click to expand...

A topic of blitzkrieg in modern time that shook washington and bollywood. An in-depth analysis kudos to OP.
2. From time immemorial, men of prime and past their prime and some boys have been Frisky randy and on the pull.
3. But during those days there was no big media and gadgets and surveillance cameras. Now the world is changed and we get such me too messages across media. Wide spread publicity of me too movement would be a slap on wicked men and they got to think several times to attempt MISS DEEDS lest their reputation tarnished in a jiffy. 4. Men are men after all... but women of modern world are fully aware of such men and sure would get along without any fear. Me too would continue to instill fear men across all status.
REGARDS.

GeetaKashyap · Oct 14, 2018

Thyagarajan said: ↑

A topic of blitzkrieg in modern time that shook washington and bollywood. An in-depth analysis kudos to OP.
2. From time immemorial, men of prime and past their prime and some boys have been Frisky randy and on the pull.
3. But during those days there was no big media and gadgets and surveillance cameras. Now the world is changed and we get such me too messages across media. Wide spread publicity of me too movement would be a slap on wicked men and they got to think several times to attempt MISS DEEDS lest their reputation tarnished in a jiffy. 4. Men are men after all... but women of modern world are fully aware of such men and sure would get along without any fear. Me too would continue to instill fear men across all status.
REGARDS.
Click to expand...

Well said, Thyagarajan Sir.Thank you.

The opposers of the #MeToo movement must understand that the movement is not about settling scores, washing dirty linen in public, seeking attention and such. It is about purging the crippling negative feelings and the deep debilitating scars. Instead of getting defensive, it would be nice if all the responsible humans come together and help to get rid of the entitlement mentality of some sick people and create a better society that doesn't believe in corrupt power games but believes in a healthy sane society.

Thyagarajan · Oct 14, 2018

GeetaKashyap said: ↑

Well said, Thyagarajan Sir.Thank you.

The opposers of the #MeToo movement must understand that the movement is not about settling scores, washing dirty linen in public, seeking attention and such. It is about purging the crippling negatbive feelings and the deep debilitating scars. Instead of getting defensive, it would be nice if all the responsible humans come together and help to get rid of the entitlement mentality of some sick people and create a better society that doesn't believe in corrupt power games but believes in a healthy sane society.
Click to expand...

I can't agree more with what you replied here and of FB from philosopher @Viswamitra.
2. The opposition to #me too could be only from some men who in the heart of heart wish and or had such indulgence and some women who too risen up on the wrungs of the ladder by yielding to philanders.
3. One see them in churches, saints' shelters, schools, colleges, PhD students' guides, public transport including flights, etc.
4. In Tamil nadu, a senior popular playback singer Cum opera anchor Chinmayee in the limelight now, as she had the gumption to go online tweeting about agent asking her to cooperate and visit lyricist vairamuthu at his hotel in Switzerland.( news courtesy The Hindu of 13th Oct)
Thanks and regards.