Married before 9 months.

Plan sounds good - give him a couple of months, but dont expect a miracle, at the same time.

Another word of caution. If he is living in India, and you in the USA, divorce can be a very painful process, more often than not putting your employment at stake (bcos of 'n' number of trips to India), and might be a costly affair too.
Take it one step at a time. Give him a chance, see how things fare, and take it from there.. And during this time, when you are giving him a chance, be with an open mind, and think positive about the marriage. Else, he might change to be a better person, but you will no longer like him, because you have already given up on him. So deal with it cautiously. Good luck!

 

Hi Stchinni
Kudos to you dear dont worry dear ..... lucky you made good decision of divorce you are young and got life to enjoy dont waste your life get tortured by your husband ... these kind of people will never change as mentioned earlier they have no concern for other people . I guess these are thing might have triggered your husband behaviour :-
1. Cultural shock
2. Insecureness from his homeland
3. Inferiority complex because he got to go via his wife (typical wife )
4. Inferiority complex leading to find fault ( that why he is enquiring abt you )

If you want to give a shot you can but think twice before you do . Make it or break it ... all lies in your hand

 

Hi Chinni,

When ever a husband is not communicating it means that he has some plans for break up. I think he is suffering from extreme ego problems and dont want his wife as well to work.. Trying divorce from US is bit tough..If at all u are applying for mutual consent still u need to travel up and down twice in span of 6mons..
If u want the things to wok out with this relation then try to come to india (transfer) and stay with him.. long distance relationships never work out.. More over if husband and wife are not together after initial days of marriage , it is tough to work out later.

 

what I didnt understand is...

as it is arranged marriage, this guy knows that you are in US, and he was willing to move to US with you and settle here??

If he had questions and wanted to do the background check or verify, why not do it before marriage and get it all cleared up?? idd you guys have enough time before the wedding? how many times did you talk to him before the marriage?

You are saying he acts loving in front of you..but does all this at the back of you, definitely signs of inferiority complex....but are there any particular things or incidents that made him feel this doubtful?? I mean many working women just speak to men without any fear ....i.e moving freely with men (by this I dont mean touching et...just the way some working women talk....or dress)

or is it possible that he may have had his ears filled ..that women in US are like this...like that types etc?? but the greed to come to US or earn more money or hurriedness to get married may have made him take this step to get married to you quickly!!!

I am quite dumbstruck ...to see how quickly this marriage is ending up in divorce....I understand it hurts...but why not pick up the phone and call him and insist he talks to you about what are his questions/problems....why not make his parents involve in this and ask them openly if they have any doubts n questions or complaints or worries.....if they talk good n fine....can resolve..but if they dont have anything to talk except for some crap!!!! I guess you seem to be a strong and clear minded lady....what ever you decide..be strong....when you know and feel its wrong...its wrong!! never underestimate your intuition or gut feeling

 

Maybe he married you to get entry to US and was unable to adjust once there. Did he try for a job over there?
Obviously his parents like you as you are their sons meal ticket!
Its strange that you had an arranged marriage with a jobless guy, generally a girls parents are very specific about the grooms status.
Lastly the guy has to agree to the divorce, why talk about his parents? Its between the couple not parents.How do you know that he is refusing divorce, have you discussed with him?
Hope you are sorting this out directly with the guy and not through parents , one cant have an arranged divorce!

 

Dear,
I think you can better give him some more time as you have just stayed with him for a mere 2 or 3 months. Living together makes a person understand about the other one and this holds for both of them.

Good or bad, try to live with him under the same roof after warning his parents that you will leave him if he continues to behave like this. If he doesnt change in a persiod of six months, then you can go ahead with your parent's suggestions. Breaking up is easy. Finding a soul-mate is difficult.

Dont think I am talking like an old granny. It is true that many people are in a hurry to break up and then cry their heart everyday. So just give him few more months or a maximum of one year(May be I sound ridiculous too for some) time and then decide. Anyway you have the option of breaking up if he doesnt behave properly.So why hurry up?

Ask his parents to take him to a counsellor before he joins you.

All the best.

 

Info in your first post is not just inadequate but also fishy. I assume the commentators here are you giving you benefit of doubt becoz you posted the issue and are bashing your husband left and right. To me, there are so many unanswered questions. You live and work in the US? Are you a green card holder? You met some random guy in India and were married? How many months had you known each other before the wedding? And once you were married, your h started enquiring about you with friends? What transpired in between? Why do you keep saying he loves you still? Who leaves his wife and goes away if he's in love with her? And what exactly is the reason for him to return to India so quickly?

I cannot help but recall the saying, 'there can be no smoke without fire'.

Pls don't mind, but I hope this doesn't turn out to be a case of husband abuse (albeit reported by wife in her version)

 

How marriage that too arranged one took place without knowing the fact that the groom is jobless. How a girl employed in US accept a guy who is jobless and will depend on his wife's visa to come to US?