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Married before 9 months.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by stchinni, Feb 14, 2012.

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  1. stchinni

    stchinni New IL'ite

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    I am 25 year old and as every girl will be excited on her marraige day.. i was also in same situation entering into new life with a person whom i dont know..
    I recently got married and it was an arranged marraige.Happily married in india and after 4 weeks i returned to Usa.my husband is working in india.When i was in india itself i saw otherside of my husband, he wont believe things fast,, he enquires about that.I thought he will change, but that turned into a very bad situation.He started enquiring about me within my frnds and asked his frnds also to enquire about me.
    He used to tell me as he loves me so much. Without knowing all this i booked ticket for him and he came to usa. He was here for two months, intially i thought we can settle here but he went away saying i want to go back to india and complete some other things.After that he did not call me even once but he told to his parents, friends and others as i am not good.. And now i am in a situation that i cant live with him. He always have a doubt on me.
    But he behaves as he loves me alot , back of me all this cunning plans..
    I am thinking of giving him divorce, at the same time i am thinking to give him two more months to see if he changes.
    But i never thought i will get a misunderstanding husband.
    Please advise me what to do..
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    chinni,

    I don't think you need to give him any second change.They have personality disorder and no one can change them.I am glad that you decided now itself.
    What's the use of having love and inquiring back of you.I have one BIL with this nature and I get into hear from anyone,first step I would say is back off from that person.By BIL didn't change a single and they suppose to take a treatment from psychologist


    Best of luck!!
     
  3. stchinni

    stchinni New IL'ite

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    But my family lives very respectfully and are not able to digest this. As i am the elder one in my family and i have a sister who is yet to get married. My only concern is this, i can live my life if i dont have any family concerns
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2012
  4. stchinni

    stchinni New IL'ite

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    Is it possible to take divorce as i am living in Usa and he is in india. How much time it will take to complete this process, as i want to come out of all this nonsense as soon as i can. Please advise me :(
     
  5. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    chinni,

    it's not easy for anyone to digest the fact so fast.Don't get stressed on it.you will get good advises.So don't loose your sleep on it.Take things slowly and go from there.
     
  6. indianinbayarea

    indianinbayarea New IL'ite

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    Please communicate this to your parents and his parents. Make sure that they know that you are having this problem. As one post mentioned, some people don't change. Try to work out things. If not then go for the best possible solution

    Since you are in US and he is in india, it will be difficult to get divorce. You will have to be physically present in Indian court I think. But try to work out.
     
  7. stchinni

    stchinni New IL'ite

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    Everyone knows this, i wont hide anything from my parents. Even his parents know about this.
    I am working here and he is jobless in india. He gives silly reasons if anyone asks him as " when you will get a Job".
    My parents told me to get divorce but his parents are not leaving me.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2012
  8. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    If your in-laws know about their son's trouble, are they trying to do anything about it? Or are they just expecting you to play along and continue being married to him in spite of his behaviour?

    Have your parents spoken to his about any of this? What about him getting a job or for now to solve the problem at hand, go for counselling and clear his head first. His parents owe that before they expect any more patience from you.
     
  9. indianinbayarea

    indianinbayarea New IL'ite

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    I don't understand how did your parents found him? I mean in arranged marriage normally the girls parents and boy's parents find out about the prospective bride/groom history and how is the family etc.

    You said yours is arranged marriage and you work in US, So I believe they must have done some kind of "background check" on the boy and the family. I personally think that he has a mental problem. As Priya16 pointed out " mentality disorder"

    The fact that his parents know and still they want you to continue, something looks fishy to me.
     
  10. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    StChinni,

    I am sorry that your having to go through all of this. I am suprised that he has not even bothered to call you even once to try to reconcile this relationship. Its clear he isn't happy, and is actively spreading bad rumors about you. I would contact your parents, and let them know how unhappy you are.

    Curious, how long have you been in the United States? Are your parents currently residing here. I only ask this becuse it migh effect their outlook on a divorce.

     
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