Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by iyerviji, Mar 20, 2019.
Realistic and helpful advice Vijima
My fictional characters outdo, outperform and out-adjust each other. They are merry and fun-filled and sportive and (exceptionally) sorted out in their heads to be ruffled by any competitive grievances (tere mere milan ki yeh raina) of life. They thrive in such out-ship.
They are ekdam cool and colluding but wicked about each other in their antics.
She would try to outrun him which he likes in her. He tries to challenge her which she likes in him. She loves the provocateur in him. He teases that challenge in her. Thereby, such jostle and outloud cheer is mutual and that is what interests about each other in each other ...warna they would have turned back on each other snubbing the other as blah and boring.
My characters never fall for simple-minded and sweet beings! They seek myelin devilry in each other.
My characters are jikkasu lively and jinjaak spirited!
When Berson dropped by to interview with Yalow, he had already accepted a position at the VA hospital in Bedford, Massachusetts. The two hit it off famously, posing mathematical problems for each other, causing Berson to cancel his earlier career plans.
That's how playful and spontaneous my characters are even in their friendly affection. (They immensely enjoy each other's company because of the out-jiu-jitsu!)
Thanks for your first feedback dear. I second whatever you have said.
I fully agree with you dear.Glad to get your feedback. Our days were different and we used to follow elder's advice and adjust. I have written my experience. thanks for your feedback
Very true dear
Sorry to know your marriage failed. True we need patience and respect for each other
Even though I am divorced I learnt valuable lessons of how not to be in a relationship and how to be in a relationship.
-Communicate, communicate, communicate. So many couples drift apart and lead separate lives in same house because they stop communicating (they just talk about what grocery to buy, when to leave for a party or whats happening at school). They dont talk about the problems or misunderstandings or other gnawing issues. slowly its all pushed under the rug and they live like room mates and die like roommates.
-Showing love and care. We can have immense love and care in our heart but not showing it useless. Kiss, hug, bringing a glass of water when spouse is tired, standing up to friends and family for spouse, getting their favorite food from the store etc are little ways to show love.
-Respect : you can scream and fight but never disrespect spouse or their family.
-Quality time: spending alone time with spouse is very important. Like fixing 9-10 pm daily after kids go to bed or watch tv daily after kids sleep, weekends where couple can go for walk or date night or go hiking etc. Just hanging out as couple without kids, family, friends regularly builds the bond so strong as they get very comfortable with spouse to share anything
Yes. This is Indian culture. When the man's family are good people, it works.
What if the family is not good, ??
Many women's life have been spoiled adjusting to the husbands bad family. Mine being one of them .
This is my perspective.
Both man and woman have to come out of their respective family and form a new family and union after marriage.
Some truths are eternal. Compromise and adjustment in marriage is inevitable. If that is not there, any marriage will fall apart.
Other truths change with time. Earlier women were expected to adjust entirely to the IL's, their family and their way of life. They stayed at home, looked after home, hearth and children. They did not go out and earn. That was the husband's department.
Today the situation is different. So compromise and adjustment must be two sided. Otherwise it is not only unfair, it will only lead to a lot of resentment in the women - after all they are equally and in some cases, better qualified, their parents spend as much on their upbringing and education, they also work, bring in the moolah, look after the kids at home ..... so if on top of all that they are expected to adjust on a one way street, it is unrealistic in the world of today.
Adjustment, compromise and respect has to be mutual. Only an equal relationship - never mind how we define that equality (you work outside, me at home or we both work outside and we both share house work, child care, care of each other's parents etc.) - will work.
Dear Viji Madam,
Great piece of advices. I am glad you made your marriage very successful and both of you are happy.
But according to times perspectives, living conditions, change is inevitable. As Satchi said only thing which has not changed is adjustment. But it should be from both sides. Respect, love .... From both sides. I believe in equal partnership. Marriage is not a boss and subordinate relationship.
Live and let live. Space should be there. All the time all over is suffocating. In previous days there was no question of compatibility. After the initial honeymoon period is over couple got back to their work and later on raise the family together... Both have to cooperate and do chores.
Yes... Both have to take care of both sets of parents.