Marriage Is A Gamble

So true . It's as if " marriage is everything " in India. And if this goes well, the woman is deemed as successful in life , otherwise not.

 

Very much agree to this. My mom says that she watches some dance or singing TV shows and while watching that she feels that families who are not highly educated are more supportive of their bahu's choices or guy is more supportive of the choices made by his wife. Whereas whatever bad marriage/abusive cases we have been hearing for past few years are mainly in the highly educated houses. One of my colleagues is 15 years elder to me and I was sharing one of the guy's story with her where he had asked me to chose between him and my career. She mentioned that she was getting such questions 15 years back, so if we are saying India is changing then the change is not happening much in this area.

 

Have seen the same in USA too. Divorced woman here have so much of confidence and they move on even if they have kids and are in touch with their ex because of the kids. However as being 30+ unmarried woman, people are pointing fingers at me now as if something is wrong with me or I have too many demands. And more surprisingly this has been happening when I am around Indian community in US. Am being hit with direct questions like - why did you take so long, please don't mind me asking but what is taking you so long, why don't you cut down on your list of demands (do they even know if I have a list of demands or not...)

 

Who owns whom?

Kids are indeed a blessing for abusive husbands who may continue to keep a chattel slave no matter what.

 

I guess we need to teach our future generations that, its ok not to get married and to stay single....
We need to teach them that there is more to life than getting married and assuming life is settled....

Most of the marriages are brimming with lies, compromise and authoritative spouses....

 

Meant to say both the parents taking responsibility for the kid.

The 'get to know each other' phase should come before the 'kids just happened' to reduce the probability of being stuck with an abusive partner.

 

Every word in the article is so true.I have seen the so called educated people who are so proud of their PHD degrees behave like animals with their bahu.this happens in the name of culture ,traditions etc...they blame the so called western culture and say that western culture is spoiling the new generation but I feel that the developed countries like USA that got independence way back must have faced such problems and their society has evolved for the better ( there are flaws even there) but to an extent I feel that girls have more freedom and power . In India ..girls are forced to compromise at every step. They are expected to eat after every one has finished eating,all the household work is their responsibility and if they are working it doesn't matter coz they are expected to reach home on time and cook for every one.even if the MIL is at home the whole day fully active...the kitchen is the DIL's responsibility, PIL would not take care of the grand kids coz they don't want responsibilities but they will be fully active outside...Dil is supposed to work like a servant in the house and all the major decisions would be taken in the house without consulting her.she is supposed to stay in the kitchen coz that is where her place is. And IF she retaliates the she is the bad one...she has no value for Indian culture etc..they will threaten her ,abuse her and she is supposed to be quite...I feel sorry for Indian girls coz they have to bend down at every level in the name of traditions and culture.

 

Men and women were never treated as equals in indian marriage system, if it does happen in a rare case, then the husband feels he is doing something out of the world and unique thing for his wife....
The one main purpose of an Indian naari is to be born, grow up listening to others without expressing any of her ideas or thoughts, get married, give birth, take care of the house, husband and kids, because they have given life and they are god...

 

Marriage is definitely a gamble, and it is the harsh reality of life.
More often than not, in our part of the world, marriage is not about two individual. It is mostly about two families.
When two families get-together, and the responsibility of handling these two (often) extreme families fall on to the new inexperienced couple's shoulder, it becomes obvious for them to lose focus.

Mostly, the couple pay more attention on each other, and make compromises for themselves while dating. But after marriage, they don't find themselves doing it. Rather they would be doing the same or more for their extended relatives. That's where the love diminishes and the focus on each other gets distracted.

Be it love marriage or arranged marriage, the gambling part is the extended family.

You can understand a person to some extend while dating him. If you live together before marriage, you know almost everything in and out. But still, the same couple fall apart after marriage because of this uncertainty that hits them hard in the name of extended family.

I could give you at least 3 examples from my own family itself

1- Love marriage - perfect understanding, affection and chemistry. Very bad, cunning extended family that disturbs the couple from day 1. Problems started, and the couple eventually started quarreling. Each family backing each spouse to make it worse

2- Arranged marriage - No love or affection or even chemistry to start with. To the groom it was kinda forced marriage, after a break up. To the bride, it was like jumping into a dark room without proper interaction with groom. But both sides of extended families were keen that this marriage should work. When problems came in, they helped the couple to sort it out positively. Eventually the couple started to like and love each other in a very comfortable family envn

3. Arranged cum love marriage: Zero interferences by both sets of family. left the city for work. The couple handled everything about their own life on their own - and grow together.

The above is none other than myself and my own sibling's marriage life. For me, the gambling is about the extended family, and how fate decides our future with them.

 

Geeta,
When I clicked on the link marriage is a gamble in your post it was redirected to page not displayed.
Just checked it now and it was working.
Thank you