Marriage in problem !!!!!!! Help pls

Dear OP
from your post to be very frank i feel it is equal mistake from both side ( u and ur hubby)
i felt bad the way they treat u and ur family this is clear nonsense. being girls parent is not crime and they are not god to fall on their feet..rubbish.
anyways i feel u should not shout on ur husband and talk to him properly and discuss ur prob. not in one day but gradually tell him that u two have family and the bond nad love is different that to other members. i feel he has only prob with u is ur shouting and abusing him verbally. tell him u wont shout on condition he has to keep some family stuff secret and not to share with all.
and never give up ur life for such small issues. life is precious and live it happily

 

Hi @prats1982,
But 8 years u both have been together..Y now the problem is getting so furious..A couple can not keep fighting daily without a solid reason.am not sure if u had been fighting this way for all these 8 years.You have not mentioned the reason for your fighting..shouting..

 

hi..
Dont worry abt anything... keep calm... just be in ur parents home... dont respond whatever ur hus and mil do... just be relax.. do ur routine.. Dont remember ur past... be like wt you are before ur marriage... then he will come to ur path... if u give attention to them they doing continuesly same... if u dont care dem they try to reduce it... just try it... Its ur life live as u like... dont give up this for any cost..

 

Why are you shouting at your husband all the time? It's been 8 years since marriage, and your family still expects your parents' to fall at their feet. What nonsense is this?

If I were you, I would react to this problem differently. Try this and see whether it works out for you.

The next time if your husband expects you to call your in laws daily, say no. Please tell him that you have nothing to update on a daily routine, and you will call when you feel like calling them. Also tell him in a subtle manner that you know he calls them twice a day, and you are just a part of him. So, there is no need for a different version of updating. Say this in a low tone, humble voice, but very firmly.
Say this once, through eye-to-eye contact, and move out of that place immediately to avoid arguments.
If he repeats the same talk again and again, stay silence, change the topic or shrug your shoulder as if you are not interested. Continue to move, and pretend to be busy with something else (FB, phone, or musics)
Keep up your words, refuse to call them daily, and call them once in a week. That too basic hi-bye type of chats.
Slowly reduce that bit as well, and you can comfortably talk to them on need basis.


If they speak anything about your parents, immediately ask them to stop. Look at their eyes, and rephrase what they said in a questionable manner. This time say it with a firm, high tone?
Eg: Do you meant to say my mom is a devil? Is it??
If they say anything, intervene and say, could you please stop this.
Move out of the place. Don't shout, argue or use nasty words in return.
Project your anger through your eyes, body language and reactions.

Repeat the same everytime they speak ill about your parents.

If MIL ask your parents to fall at her feet... laugh loud, and ask her not to crack jokes during serious conversations.

Be bold.. You are an adult. not a grown up puppet.

Behave like an adult. Show them that you are grown, and they can no longer expect you to act as per their commands. At least try to show them that you are a piece of brain inside your head and that works.

 

I agree with SGBV advices. apart from all this, please make sure your son is unaffected as much as possible from the entire situation. Kids are the ones who suffer most when parents argue or head towards separation.

 

Hi Prats1982,

I would have hugged you if u were here. I am in the same boat as you are in. My issues are same and my husband just doesnt want to resolve anything.
I dont know whos situation is better yours? where husband is asking divorce.. or mine, where I have moved out. But my husband wants me to come back.

I know you all might think I am doing wrong if not going back, the fact is there are thousands of issues and my husband is habitual to insult me in front of his family and me even when we stay alone. He says anything he wants and then lies on my face that he never said such thing. I was there for seven years but it is so damn hard to see it happening coz I feel helpless and irritated in that situation. He is someone else when his family comes and different when with me. Most of the time we fought day and night on issues that could have been resolved in a minute but my husband and his family stretched it for seven years. In these seven years , I was on the verge of dying. Now when I have moved out , I realize what all I suffered just coz I never wanted to share it with my family . I just wanted my husband to be mature enough to see and atleast live happily with me. But since our marriage, his family has created such pressure on him that he has never cared about me ever , even when I fall sick. he cant even stand with me in front of his family. The worst part is its a love marriage after we knew each other for 2 years.

This situation is not new, he puts all sorts of blames on me and protects his family and himself. My heart always said to leave and go away. because a man who knew you before marriage, changed right after marriage as if you never knew this man and jumped on his family's side. what else can he do for me. I am too emotional about my husband and this relation but my husband lives like he is living in a hotel. Its too hard and devastating to see someone you trusted and left everything is ruining life for no reason. You feel so helpless and alone that its hard to give words to your tears.

I dont know what to do.. and what will happen.

 

Prats1982, I want to know if you took any decision. whats your situation now. Share iof you feel like.