Marriage And It's Romantic Cousin

Hi all,
Few years back, on the eve of my marriage, when i was casually talking to a close relative, the person said " lot of people would have given advice to you regarding marriage and life after. I would like to keep it simple. Don't have high expectations about marriage. Like my husband will pamper me, love me to the moon and stuff. Marriage is like a bank. You have to invest before you withdraw in this relationship. The higher you invest, either time,love, respect, higher will be ur returns"
Though I made a mental note of what he said, I didn't realise the true meaning of it back then.
When I read some of the posters here feeling bad, that their husband has not got them anything on their honeymoon or doesn't say I love you even in the early days of married life, I realise thAT I too had similar feelings at the start of my marriage. My husband never articulated the words I love u for a veryyy long time and didn't get me anything either during our honeymoon or for a long time later.
Little did I realize at that point that, this man is new in my life and the relationship is taking baby steps. Instead I over burdened it with my expectations.
I don't mean expectations are wrong. But entering into a marriage with great expectations of romance, if not reciprocated by the spouse leads to bitterness and disappointment and a sense of misplaced judgement that I have married a person who doesn't love me.

But my husband used to talk kiddish/keep funny faces with me sometimes in the early days, and I never realised it was some exclusive thing which he shared with me and told him irritably during an argument that " for the record, I hate your funny faces"...my husband was too hurt to speak further or tell me at that point that, he shares such a high comfort level with me, to be childish in my presence.. And ironically the argument we were having was abt how he never loves me or considers me Special...
Blame it on whatever, the Rosy periods of courtship depicted in most of the romantic novels or movies..
The more we grow together as a couple truly understanding our spouse, we realise that at the end of the day romance doesn't lie in red roses or v day cards or I love u notes, but when your spouse returns home, after a long and hectic day at work, and the mere presence of you, makes him realise, all that, was worthwhile !!
And after few years of marriage, I realise that love exists in the most unexpected unromantic ways.. We just have to be open to realise and accept it !!
This was just my thoughts regarding romance, love in marriages, and it has evolved over a period of few years.. People are free to pour in their thoughts and experiences regarding the same

 

Lol.. After typing in all this, I do accept that there were occasions wen minor arguments did crop up between me n dh reg expressing love in a physical form thru gifts.. Lol, I told him how much I adore cards and now he gets me one wen he is all lovey dovey though not on bdays n anniversary. But d difference, I have gained is no matter what, I don't attach undue importance to romantic gestures, and realise that love exists without romance and DAT u need to b receptive. Plus as the saying goes, wat may b romantic to one may b unromantic to d other . so, it's all about balancing our boat!!

 

Ya, I didn't realise it. Sure will do

 

What I was trying to say is, when ppl enter a relationship with hope of love and companionship, that's understandable.. But this concept of romance, when we have very strict definitions for it and have already predetermined notions as to what amounts to romance, we will fail to enjoy the little pleasures all along, waiting for something big to happen!! At least that's wat I faced thru ! Romantic gestures add depth n color to d relationship, but nothing shud be forced or wrenched out, thru heavy expectations.. And as a spouse feels d burden of expectations melt away, he feels more free to express himself/herself better

 

Ya.. Well said.. U r happy cos u just shower unconditionally and do not expect to be reciprocated in a similar way. To each his own, I suggest looking out for what ur spouse considers as romance, rather than having fixed expectations, that may backfire sometimes causing all d more disappointment