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Managing toddler and newborn

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Kanmanidhev, Apr 29, 2015.

  1. Kanmanidhev

    Kanmanidhev New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,

    How to save my 5 weeks old boy from elder one(he is 2.8 yrs old) from pulling his brothers hands and legs. If I ask him not to do,he is not listening to me. He is doing again and again. How to make him understand he is very small baby.

    I keep on telling him slowly he is not listening. I'm stressed when he pulls his brother hand very hardly while feeding. Finally I end up with pushing him. he loves his brother sometimes he behaves so nicely with his brother.

    Now I am in moms home,here everyone are scolding my elder son for doing this. He was going to preschool now it's summer holidays. I'm also not able to spend enough time with him, he got so bored and comes to me.my parents also busy in their own work.
    How you people managed toddler and newborn.
    please share your suggestions.
     
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  2. mamsharma

    mamsharma Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Kanmanidhev,

    congratulations on being mother of two, its good to be a referee. :)

    i can understand your situation as i am mother of two 5.5 yrs old son and 8 months old daughter. i was under same problem how to make my son understand that she is a baby and not teddy. yes it took time but things are better now. i wont say he completely understands this but his behavior is improved.

    what i did was that i made him the responsible person to take care for the younger one. i will hold the daughter and at the same time tell my son that he is good brother as he is taking care of HIS sister so well and he is not disturbing her at all. What i have observed is, that my son loves and wants to play with her sister. i try to explain him that she will play when she will turn 12 months. he is counting days now.
    please dont scold your son, he may take if too seriously and may feel unhappy for his brother. instead when you are feeding you may allow your son to hold younger ones hands and feel they are like his own hands. allow the interaction and make him feel that the baby is just like him.

    you may talk to your elder son while taking care of the younger one. keep chatting, i am sure he will feel that he is also important. you can quote that how you raised him in this manner. let him co-relate the facts with himself.

    your DH or parents can spend some time with son also, this will also help.

    Dont miss any chance to make him feel special, he will soon take the responsibility of younger one.

    after 8 months, now i can leave my kids alone for few minutes in same room, ofcourse on the floor in a properly cushioned arrangement. He feels pride in the fact that he managed her well.

    things will improve dont worry.
    take care
     
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  3. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    @kanmanidhev, I will be delivering my second one in August and I have a 3 year old at home. I will be watching this thread to get some ideas!

    From what my friends tell me, they say making the elder one responsible for small things help them bond with the baby. Like, asking them their opinion about what cloths we should put on the baby, the color of the socks, bring a bottle of water etc.
     
  4. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    It takes time for the older sibling to adjust to a new baby. It has only been 5 weeks. my older one took more than 2 months. After all they are the most effected. Always watch them when they are together. Involve him in taking care, ask him to fetch diaper, feed the bottle etc. Ask him to kiss his hands and toes. Remind him that he is big brother and responsible to take care of younger one. they love it when we tell them they are responsible... lastly, your younger one is stronger than he looks ..
     
  5. Chitravivek

    Chitravivek Platinum IL'ite

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    @kanmanidhev Congrats on being a mom again ! I have a 4 yr old and one year old, strangely I never had any issues like the ones you mentioned. There could be two reasons to it: firstly I made it very clear in my mind and in everyones mind in the house that my elder one is my first priority even after my delivery as all that the baby needs are to be fed, change diaper and put to sleep. The baby does not have any insecurity at that age and doesn't care if I cater to my DD first and keep the baby on side. In this way my DD never felt a change in my behavior nor her every day activity was affected. Secondly when I was feeding the baby I used to keep my DD engaged like read a book to her, make her color or do puzzles. This made her feel special. In short just because you have a new born in the houe doesn't mean that your elder one should be all of a sudden responsible and wear a big brother hat.

    He is barely 3yrs old and still a baby himself. Pushing him will only make things worse for you and not improve anything. Even if he is pulling the legs and hands, its fine. babies are more stronger than what we give credit for. He will soon outgrow it once the baby grows a little older. Try to keep him occupied like summer camps or swim classes or other stuff. Ask your parents to take him for a walk or park etc... In short your elder son is your first priority. Good luck !
     
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  6. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Someone said that the older sibling go through same kind of emotions as if your spouse would bring home another wife/husband. Jealousy is strong. It is good to have others to downplay the baby (she does not care :D) and focus on the older one. Ie bringing presents to the older sibling to celebrate the birth of his/her sibling, continuing the same routines as much as possible, having other family members taking the toddler to the park, swimming etc. Also involve the toddler in the care of the baby.

    Usually the breastfeeding is the worst situation so plan ahead, read books to the bigger one, allow watching his favorite tv show etc. Continue to do thing together, go daily to the playground (baby in stroller/pram/sling) and enjoy playing with the bigger one.

    The bond with a sibling is usually one of the strongest but the first steps can be a little bit challenging ;).
     
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