Male colleagues' Lecherous stares

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by people0skills, Aug 24, 2014.

  1. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    First of all dress like others. Don't stand out. Even when we meet our friends for a get to gather, i check with other ladies and wear accordingly saree or dress. Just not to stand out.

    Second, try to have a friend who is well respected in the company and hang out with her.

    About the starers, just look in their eyes when conversing. Keep the conversation to minimum, avoid one-one conversation with such people (communicate via email).

    About the coughing guys, just have headphones while working and ignore them. With headphones, they will know that you are not hearing their coughs.

    Finally, change jobs. There is too much of baggage that has been created here and it will be difficult and time consuming to overcome it.
     
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  2. people0skills

    people0skills Bronze IL'ite

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    this seems to be a good idea. Would definitely try implementing it.
     
  3. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    You need to dress like your female colleagues. Your style of dressing is out of place and attracting unwanted attention. If I am reading this right, you are probably in some techie workplace where the focus is on the work and its quality and not what one is wearing. Probably all the women wear jeans and tops or simple chudi and height of fashion would be switching a scrunchie with a clip. In this situation, wearing makeup, different hairstyle every day, and especially high heels which make a loud sound while walking and attract attention, these are all making you stand out. And no offense but I know this kind of workplace, those people who hear you clacking loudly down the hallway would be thinking you are some empty headed bimbo. yes it is a snap judgement but that is the mentality. So you decide, do you want to be known for your shoes or your work? Do you want to be taking seriously or treated like this?
     
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  4. people0skills

    people0skills Bronze IL'ite

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    nope.. my stilettos/boots/footwear do not make any sound. :) I am trained so.
     
  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Then tell us more about your background...trained to walk softly in stilletos (wow! how?), very little interaction with people during childhood/school/college...you know how to dress up very well but dont know much about people or technical issues...it is a confusing combination you are presenting here, so cant make sense of it!
     
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  6. people0skills

    people0skills Bronze IL'ite

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    ummm.. not really.. If there are forums to help me enhance my people interaction, there are similar sources to help me out with my other interests.
     
  7. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't think one has to be a slob or less fashionable to prove one is a hard worker. OP as long as you dress in a professional manner ( no leggings or jeans or such inappropriate attire), you don't have to change yourself.

    It may be a cliché but "dress for the job you want" holds a lot of truth. Be fashionable but don't be defined by that. Let your work speak louder.

    Most women must be jealous of the attention you generate. If a man behaves or stares inappropriately, I would ask directly if there is any problem. If you tackle it head on, most creeps will stop. If they don't, go to HR or change jobs. Seems like a lousy place to work.
     
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  8. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Remember this is not about insulting the men. It is about establishing your space. You need to make it seem like you are a good sport. Be polite and dignified at all times. If you start with the intention of insulting them, it will be clear in your tone (bet your be sarcastic) and body language. It is not a wise thing to do.

    Once again, if you feel so harassed, you need to contact the hr.
     
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  9. Umanga

    Umanga Gold IL'ite

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    The only way out of this situation, as others have suggested, is to dress like your female colleagues. In India, the only people allowed to behave differently are those with high status. If you were the daughter or wife of the owner of the company, nobody would have dared to say anything to you, even if you came into the office naked. As you are an employee and a subordinate you have to obey the unwritten social rules of the company you are working for which is obviously staffed by regular Indians.

    However, there are two problems with the solution I have suggested:

    1) If you change your dress, your colleagues will notice the sudden and drastic shift and start commenting on that. The comments shall probably never cease. They would have secured a great victory in getting you to conform and you shall serve as an example for others and be the continuous butt of jokes and a topic of conversation until they find somebody else to pick on.

    2) You may change your outward appearance but you cannot change your mindset. You cannot change the way you think and you cannot gel with the people in your office because they are probably one or two generations behind you in terms of Westernisation. You cannot be friends with them and you cannot bond with them. Too much water has flown under the bridge. Also, you shall feel defeated not being allowed to wear what you want et cetera.

    Hence, the long term solution would be to transition to a working environment which is filled with like-minded people who are used to women wearing make-up and dressing in jeans, trousers and other such things. The other solution would be to climb the greasy pole of corporate life and become a high-ranking, high-status individual within the company. Then, people shall be scared of you and would dare not utter a word against you for fear of retribution. But then again, you don't seem to have a good relationship with your colleagues and higher-ups so I am not sure how that would happen.

    In the end, human beings are tribal creatures. We thrive on social conformity. Even the West is no different. Anybody who tries to stand up and stand out without the pre-requisites of wealth, power and status is immediately shot down. That is our nature. We are hierarchical creatures and hierarchy has to be maintained. You wearing lipstick, jeans, long boots and sleeveless tops is viewed as an attempt to disregard and circumvent the hierarchy. It is an attempt on your part to say that the rules don't apply to you. Unfortunately, they do. Since you do not have the raw power and status to impose your dress choice on the world, you are being made to suffer. The suffering shall continue until you amass power and status or transition to an environment where your choice of dress is nothing special. Nobody in the West would mind if you dressed the way you do, but then, you would not be so special and that is something none of us want to forgo.
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2017
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  10. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't wear sleeveless in ur office.
    Do men stare when you wear normal tops.
     
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