Male colleagues' Lecherous stares

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by people0skills, Aug 24, 2014.

  1. MrsBV

    MrsBV Gold IL'ite

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    You will have to if they are making you uncomfortable. if they are senior officials be very polite but it should be clear to them that you realize that they are doing it for you - So is there a problem should not be an issue? In the end of the day you would want them to stop doing it right. If you dont ask loud they will persist thinking that you wont take an action. In the end of the day, remember that this can amount to harassment at work and seniors will refrain from doing it once they realize there is a possibility of action from your side. Else only two options you would have to take it to HR (which might not work since these people can say that they never approached you or said anything to you. it was a misunderstanding. you can only go to HR when you have solid proof) or you can just ignore these idiots and give them an icy stare as Hasteraho stated!
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2014
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  2. getstrngth

    getstrngth Gold IL'ite

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    I can totally relate to you. I was in the same situation when I was working in India. Even though I come from a big town, I studied in top universities of India. My place had north, south, international students. I can travel in skirts in public transport. I've never come across this behavior there. But then in the so called metro and IT company there are these bastards. Not to mention all the female colleagues used to comment the same as yours. Some used to say I try to get attention. Few used to be annoying saying that we should know how to maintain respect your parents have not taught. There has been days I have cried. Even if I go under dressed, I had men banging on me. For this too everyone used to comment bad. People would advise to complain to HR. Its easily said then done. For me it worked against me.

    These were one of the reasons I want to escape from working for IT industry in India . Its just outside look that IT is modern but then truth is its way conservative. Another reason I found is that. Most people come from really less exposure to city or cosmopolitan life. Even though they are qualified, these people who comment must be 1st /2nd generation working for big docs.

    Its easy to say turn deaf or don't dress nicely. One question I keep asking why don't you allow me to live for me and live for others. We are not going to dress like film heroines. We just dress modern with modesty. People are annoying make us feel guilty. With my experience I've found south is way conservative. If you are soft spoken little fragile they make you inferior and you are the point of mistake. I went through all these. I was ignored in office colleague gang. People were prejudiced.

    Slowly I started enjoying my solitary. My advice would be change your gang of friends. There would be atleast 1-2 accepting who you are. Mingle with them. Stop taking them to your head.
     
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  3. people0skills

    people0skills Bronze IL'ite

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    I get it .. i think I would do that talking indirectly??? You know, kind of pretending a fake call....I am sure that would work... there was a fake call reply in other thread, and I am sure this is one more situation where it can be used as a weapon.

    Thank you for the moral support. Also, whenever time permits, can you please go through my other threads and post your solution/advice to those as well? That would help me in the long run.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2014
  4. people0skills

    people0skills Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you for the advice. I really suck at that - breaking the bonds.... irrespective of whether they are lunch mates, colleagues or personal. It never comes to me that I need to break from them. I think I am a little dumb in realizing about what kind of personality opposite person carries. I always think, they are one of those 1-2 persons sharing my kinda views but later it turns out to be entirely opposite.

    Yes, solitary would definitely be a bliss. I would keep that in mind. and thank you for understanding my problem. Also, whenever time permits, kindly go through my other threads and post your solution/advice to those as well. That would help me in the long run.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2014
  5. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    When people stare at your bosom, stop abruptly and look down and pat yourself as though you are getting dirt off your dress and ask loudly, making eye contact, "Hey! Is something wrong? Why are you looking at my clothes?" That should set them straight.

    Like HasteRaho says, saying "Excuse me, my eyes are up here" very firmly is the best way to get this to stop. Come on, OP. You think someone wouldn't understand that?? You need to be unabashed in pulling them up for their misdemeanour. You aren't the one doing something wrong!!

    For the throat clearing fellows, turn around instantly and say in a friendly manner, "hello, would you like some lozenges?" Have some vicks ready at hand. Making eye contact and being civil (and distant) is how you can get this to stop. You need to get them to see you as a person rather than a well-groomed girl. Ignoring all that they do or feeling annoyed just makes them harass you more

    If you think they are going to stoop too low, you really need to contact your HR.
     
  6. people0skills

    people0skills Bronze IL'ite

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    thank you for your inputs. The first one, I think I am ready for that. Second one, I still need to gather my courage. One of my family members was telling me to ignore such fellows and that family member is a wise soul. I am imagining myself offering them vicks and uttering those words. I am telling you these people are in no way decent, and any direct conversation with them only worsens the situation. I am not denying that I wouldn't do such act, but I would rather do it based on the person. Since this guy is well established in the company, I think I would have to do it when there are few other colleagues too near by so that he does feel insulted and also, the next possible scenario would be, he might increase this kind of acts more frequently.

    What else do you suggest?
     
  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Well..u might be one of those few ladies who takes care of her looks.

    Problem is there are ladies who are not so stylish like u.hence,they feel jealous.
    As for men,they haven't seen such a lady like u in the office atmosphere,so they gawk.Not that they haven't seen any other pretty women but u r the only stylish lady right now in the office.hence,that warrants unwanted attention.

    Who knows,very soon there might be few more ladies who join soon who r equally stylish like u.or some other ladies might try to be stylish like u and succeed.then the attention on u will fade away.so no worries.

    u need not change who u r and how u dress up.u be urself.
     
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  8. people0skills

    people0skills Bronze IL'ite

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    thank you for understanding and for that support. It does mean a lot to me. And btw, these kinda incidents only make me get more groomed.

    And unfortunately, I get poked every single time, almost every other day... that freaks me out. :(
     
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  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    do not worry dear.these incidents happens to lot of women.

    Are u new to this office or how many years are u working here?
    usually, only the newness fades and people get used to u, they will stop staring.

    U be nice to others,nice meaning dignified and limiting conversations generic.NEVER
    gossip or give unsolicited advice or get personal.People will twist everything and make u look bad.

    Trust me, inwardly those women WANT TO BE YOU AND GET THAT ATTENTION FROM THE GUYS. The guys are gawking coz they find u pretty.

    U just be your confident self.Be you,do your work.sooner or later..everyone will be still staring at you BUT out of RESPECT:)

    Good luck.
     
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  10. people0skills

    people0skills Bronze IL'ite

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    u seem to be a matured soul. Why don't I ever get it?? I really have to start working on it.

    very true. few of them in fact even said, "its just that you have that guts and we don't, or my hubby doesn't allow me or I used to do it prior to marriage" etc etc.. I never got it when they said it,, and u seem to get it.. just like that...

    Thanks a bunch. Now, I am confident that I can do it.
     
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