Malathi And Her Mother-in-law - A Real Life Story!

Chitvish · Feb 10, 2006

Pray God your child is back to normal.

Dear SVS,
It was very disturbing to go through your mail. But happiness in life is worth fighting for.
You must have heard of Dr. Ashok Sundararaman in T. Nagar who is a specialist in laproscopic surgery for reflux & related problems. A relative of mine had surgery for the same last month. She was mentioning that many people come to him for this problem to be corrected.
So please ask your parents to consult him without delay & do the needful.
Now, besides your own family members & friends, we all at I L will pray for your daughter getting back to normal. Do not give up hope & have full faith in " More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of ".
Love,
Chithra.

prathi · Feb 10, 2006

Yes. We will pray!!!

Dear SVS,

We may be miles apart but this forum has brought us all together emotionally. We will all pray God to give ur daughter good health and give u happiness in life. You have been bold all these days. Don't lose hope. Just keep praying HIm.

Take care of urself and ur daughter.

Cheer up!

Prathi

varalotti · Feb 10, 2006

You Forced Me to Rethink, SVS!

Dear SVS,
I was deeply troubled by your story. When I originally started this thread my idea was to tell the ladies that unconditional love will win over any one even bad in-laws. Your story has made me to rethink. Though I am very optimistic about the power of love, I have started to think that at times, especially, when inlaws' action could have a deep impact on one's children, one should act firmly and even walk out of the relationship if necessary. Nothing is more precious in this world than a child's health and well being.
Regarding what has already happened I am sure that the prayer of five hundred plus souls associated with IL will definitely do wonders to your daughter. And God, in His infinite Mercy will ensure that he grows up to be a strong, happy and successful woman who is going to make her mother very happy and proud. And you will be more than compensated for what you have suffered. For Gibran says the more grief has entered your heart, the more space it creates for happiness.
With Regards,
Varalotti

AGR · Feb 10, 2006

Re:Keep moving........

Hi

Life gives answer in 3 ways

It says yes and gives whatever you want
It says no and gives you something better
it says Wait and gives you the best

If you are committed to your dream you will win any ways
Dont just dream.......Live your dreams ........keep moving towards it

Never give up..........all our prayers for you and your kid........

P.S. Dont forget abt the +ve side.......your supportive & understanding husband & SIL.......

SVS · Feb 10, 2006

Thank you......

Dear Varalotti, Prathi, AGR, Vidhya, Chithra.....

You all made my day. I was really moved to see so nice words....I really thank each one of you personally for taking your time to say such good, motivating words....

I thought I shd move more closer to my fil to make him understand my feelings..But the time slot is short everytime and whatever I do takes a worst turn. Everytime I gave him a benefit of doubt for his age and his position as FIL. But after the last incident, I totally gave up. Now I am forcing my husband not to encourage him to visit us this year. I cannot handle two major things at one time!! Atleast my daughter will hear what I am saying...but people who desperately and deliberately wants to create problems...we cannot do anything...Actually my fil is rich more than us and his own daughter...but expects us to give him money and large gifts...When he is here, I shdn't call my parents at all...If I sit before the pc just for 10 minutes, He will create a big scene saying, I have been sending mails to my parents abt my fil what he ate, how many times he had coffee..etc...OHHHHH..common..he thinks everyone are jobless like him...Like empty vessels makes much noise...So is he..His empty mind makes more noise!!..sorry If i am harsh here....but I cannot take this anymore...

My husband is quite supportive...but he cannot take my complaints abt his dad all the time....I think i told him million times that now he has started actually supporting his dad or to put it in right words...has started ignoring what i say abt him...anyhow...Bitterness has given me strength and now if my fil comes, I am ready to question.....(I am smiling to myself here)..everytime i think like this...hmm....hope atleast this time, i get the courage truely...

My sil..yes, she did put some nice words abt us when that computer thing happened...because she got worried that we might actually file a case abt her dad for harassing us continously like this.. but I know her nature...she is another xerox copy of my fil...I think this says everything!!

Anyway, thank you all very much. I will definitely keep you all updated abt my daughter's health and also abt my fil's plans!!
Love,
SVS.

P.s: To Dear Chithra: We have given the reports and a sample tube that my daughter used to Dr. Viswanath who lives near Valluvar kottam. He has given his number and mail address to me to contact him for any questions. I will definitely ask my parents to visit Dr.Ashok also and let you know what he said.

meenaprakash · Feb 10, 2006

save urself for the little ones sake...........

Dear SVS,

I just read ur mail and I can imagine all that u underwent.
even today whenever I get the news that my MIL is coming to stay, I literally shiver and I loose sleep and get so disturbed that till she leaves our house, I'm in a state of unrest. my heart & soul never rests till she leaves. all this inspite of my hubby supporting me.

With a small child in arms, in an alien country, with a diplomatic hubby who brushes aside all ur words, my God, I appreciate your will power.
I do have something to say, dear!!! Normally people use a phrase, Better bend not break - but I feel if you bend sooooo much then you'll definitely break down. just stand upright when ur FIL is around and show you tooo are strong enough. Never shed tears in front of ur in-laws.. never.

I see a lot of reply for ur daughters problem. You & ur daughter will be in my prayers from this second. Pls don't worry dear and save all ur energy for your little one and forget about the monsters outside. Right now, your priority shld be ur daughter and nothingelse. Hope ur FILs programme of visiting you gets cancelled for some reason and you can concentrate on your daughter.

Pls share ur feelings and make yourself light and free... I personally feel we are a close knit family here. With so many of us sharing diff experiences, this is a better place for all of us to share our experiences as this site is full of such mature, understanding, down-to-earth ladies who always support each other.

take care and pls keep writing and update us on ur little ones progress.

My gentle kisses to the little one and a hug to you.

SVS · Feb 10, 2006

Thanks Meena!!

Dear Meena,

Oh My God!!., I cannot stop thinking how happy I am today after seeing so many heartfelt consoling words.

As you said, I want to stand erect this time and want to show him a piece of my mind. Even though I cannot be really harsh or rude as he does, but atleast some kind of irritation or frustrating face shd help...I can do only this as of now...may be situation will give more courage!!

You rightly mentioned that We have all got so many wonderful friends with whom we can share , pour out everything and feel light at heart...

Love,
SVS.

prathi · Feb 11, 2006

Right Approach!!!

HI all,

When we intend to watch a movie, we first go through the trailers and reviews before spending money on the movie. Even if we watch the movie after bad reviews( out of force), we will not be making great commendations of that movie due to the false prejudice (even if it was good and we have liked it). That is human tendency.

Likewise, i think a marital relationship is shown in pink-eternal love between hubby and wife, romance and all that. So we look forward to and go though this relation in a positive attitude from square one. But still many marriages fail 'cos no relation is a cakewalk.

But in the case of MIL _ DIL relationship, the trailer itself is portrayed in such a way that our outlook is very apprehensive and pessimistic towards this relation.

When such a widely publicised relation like that of a hubby-wife can have pitfalls, then think of the notoriously pictured MIL - DIL relation.

I think much fault is associated with our approach to this relation. At least a right approach (from both the sides), can save many mil-dils (fil-dils) from the torture of going thru hell on earth.

Chitvish · Feb 11, 2006

Prathi, I am with you.

Hi Prathi,
You have put it very apt.
Today, the mil-dil relationship is "portrayed" as a " battle between rivals" generally in society, that ( perhaps) both parties enter the relationship with apprehension. So it is all the more difficult to accept eachother with an open mind. But, that is a recent development. When I got married, I was repeatedly tutored by both side grandmothers that how I behaved with my in-laws will reflect the values with which I was brought up by them & I should not let down my people ! So, perhaps we had no choice & the differences gradually got ironed out as in all other relationships. It is as though "the bone of contention" has to be partial to either one side - not at all necessary. Well, as everybody reads this, I know I am already labelled " old-fashioned" ! But we did "swim through" life with better ease, in spite of all problems because of our mind sets ! Ofcourse, I am not talking about the near inhuman treatment, some of our friends have gone through. No FIL or MIL was ever an angel to a DIL !
Regards,
Chithra.

varalotti · Feb 11, 2006

I never expected this!

Dear All,
When I first posted this thread I thought it would be just another real life story, like dozens of others I have posted in this and other fora. I never imagined even in my wildest dreams that the thread would touch a raw nerve in many of the gracious ladies of this forum making them to pour out from their heart, really heart-rending stories. The thread became hot to the point of explosion.

I as a frail human being cannot even dream of giving answers to their questions, cannot hope to console them in their hour of grief. As a true friend I can assure them that they will be perpetually remembered in my prayers. As a human being my heart beats with theirs. As an optimist I am sure that those ladies who had suffered now will have a wonderful future, with happy, strong children who will make their mothers proud.
As to the conclusion of this thread I cannot hope to do a better job than a very young lady, Prathi, and a very senior lady, Chitvish, who have poured out their wisdom in the form of an apt conclusion.
My regards to all ladies who participated in this thread.
Varalotti